- (Homer gets drunk and is half passed out in a dumpster.)
- Bart: And my dad never takes me on the ferris booger, he's always too busy passed out in the parking snot.
- Homer: (outside) He's lying!
- Chinese Man: Mr. Simpson, you drink too many sporpian bowl. You go sleepy sleepy now. Did you get his wallet?
- Chinese Woman: Every president has a word bubble saying I am gay.
- (Abe Simpson drives the senior bus (His medication was gone).)
- Old Jewish Man: Abe! Pull over! You're not the driver!
- Abe Simpson: Shut up, pizzas! I've gotta deliver you!
- (Bart goes to therapy.)
- Bart: Come on, Dad, why do I have to go see a psychologist?
- Homer: The school is paying for five sessions and there is a Chinese restaurant where I can get drunk!
- Chinese Man: Ready, Shirley? This one likes the act. (Puts Chinese hat on) Hello, Mr. Simpson! Come on in, sit down, drinkie drinkie.
- Chinese Woman: Where Marge? She superlady!.
- Bart: Then I had this crazy dream that my family were all just cartoon characters and that our success led to some crazy propaganda network called Fox News.
- 'Principal Skinner:' (to Bart) Simpson, I know you're behind this! Well, you are going to get some counseling from the school psychologist.
- School Psychologist: (screaming while running out of the school) DARK STANLEY'S GONNA EAT MY BRAINS!
- Superintendent Chalmers: Or from a qualified professional.
- Marge: Bart, honey, this is all we can afford for now. If it doesn't work, maybe when you're an adult you can pay some lady to make you happy for an hour.
- Bart: Ya know, I'm pretty sure I will.
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