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Twenty-Four Hours a Day is the fourth track of The Yellow Album. It is sung by Apu. The song was written by John Boylan, Jeff Martin, Mike McKnight, and Jai Winding.

Lyrics

Apu:
Hello, baby. It is Apu to whom you are speaking. What's that, baby? You are proposing we have a cookout at the beach then tear a page from the Kamma Sutra 'til the sun rises over the Eastern Sea? Sorry, baby. That's impossible. I run a convenience store, and baby, you know what that's like.
Got to sell the road maps,
Got to move the twelve packs.
I'm printing out the tickets for the lottery.
Move out all the Trail Mix.
Make room for the beef sticks!
Informing all the punks: "This is not a library!"
Hey! Yes, we have some string cheese!
I'll have to check those ID's!
We're running out of Half-n-Half and Sweet 'n' Low! Oh!
Would you like some jerky?
It comes in beek or turkey!
You see what I am up to baby; I can't go!
I'm working
Apu and Back-Up Singers:
Twenty-four hours a day!
That don't leave no time left to play!
We're open twenty-four hours a day!
That don't leave no time left to play!
Apu:
No! No! No!
Hey, if I deserted my post, who would be refilling the jalepeno receptor? You? I don't think so.
I make coffee for the riff-raff:
Regular and decaf;
8 ounce, 12 ounce, 20 ounce.
One for the road, sir?
Heat-lamp dogs and Cheetos,
Microwave burritos!
Obey the printed warning, or it's sure to explode!
I sit out front the magazines
In which the subject matter's clean,
Behind the counter, the adult variety!
Back-Up Singers:
Ay-yah!
Apu:
Heh! It won't help to make a fuss,
I do not make change for the bus.
To use the restroom, you must be an employee!
I'm working
Apu and Back-Up Singers:
Twenty-four hours a day!
That don't leave no time left to play!
We're open twenty-four hours a day!
That don't leave no time left to play!
Apu:
No! No! No!
Apu and Back-Up Singers:
Twenty-four hours a day!
That don't leave no time left to play!
Apu:
No, it don't.
Apu and Back-Up Singers:
Twenty-four hours a day-ay!
That don't leave no time left to play!
Apu:
No! No! No! Yes! Yes! No!
(music becomes slower)
I came to this country
From a far away subcontinent
With dreams to make a fortune
In the movie industry!
But instead, I'm making Squishees
In a checkered dress.
Oh, how I wish the camera on the ceiling
Wasn't just there for security!
(tempo increases to original)
Oh, oh! Alright, I feel much better now! I felt a little sad there; now I'm very happy again. Oh. Oh, this is good. Yes, I like this, this is my favorite part of the song! Yes, my great-aunt Pirani used to dance to this. She used to work it on out. This is very funky part now.
I'm working.
Apu & Back-Up Singers:
Twenty-four hours a day!
That don't leave no time left to play!
We're open twenty-four hours a day!
That don't leave no time left to play!
Apu:
No! No! No! No! No! No!
(back-up singers repeat chorus over the following)
Hello, steady customer! Okay, let's see...that's..one packet of potency vitamins, three tins of smokeless tobacco and one box of honey-glazed popcorn clusters. That'll be...nothing because you're carrying a gun! Oh, here we go again. Please, sir, I ask that if you tie me up, you use the nylon rope; it feels so much softer against my skin than the other kind. Yes, you'll find it in back between the video games and the non-dairy creamer. Please, sir, oh, thank you very much. Okay, have a nice day! Come again!
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