: Son of a diddly!
[ Homer sits down to breakfast]: Aww, cereal? You know I like my breakfast fried or chicken-fried.
: It's a healthy cereal from Europe: "mues-lix". [ Marge Marge pulls the gooey mueslix out of the bowl by the spoon; Homer, Bart, and Lisa shudder in disgust] They also make "juice-lix." [ Maggie has some of the juice-lix from her sippy cup stuck to her face]
[ Lisa talks subtly to Homer]: I'll get us out of this. Say Dad, want to go see my project for the school science fair?
Homer: No Lisa, [ Homer subtly winks to Lisa] but I sure don't want to eat this crappy breakfast. [ Homer winks to Lisa again]
Lisa: Meet Linguo, the grammar robot. I built him all by myself. If you misuse language, he'll correct you.
Homer: Well, let's put him to the test. Me love beer.
: Linguo I love beer.
Homer: Aw, he loves beer. Here, little fella. [ Homer starts to pour a Duff into Linguo's mouth, Lisa pulls him away]
Lisa: Dad, no!
Homer: I'm sorry, I thought he was a party robot.
Lisa: Ugh! This is why I can't have nice things! Grrr! [ Lisa goes upstairs, muttering]
Homer: Oooh, can I have a brownie?
Marge: They're for after dinner.
Homer: Ooh, can I have dinner?
Marge: You can't have a brownie, period.
Homer [ singsong] : Homer wants a brownie, I'm gonna get one.
Homer: Coming in from the left.
Marge: Stop it.
Homer: Now from the right.
Homer: He grabs for the reacharound, hup, hup ha! He shoots, he sco- [ Marge accidentally cuts Homer's thumb off, and Homer screams]
Lisa [ takes an acetylene torch, and proceeds to fix Linguo]: Hang on, Linguo, you'll be up and conjugating in no time.
Homer [ screams in pain]: Oww! My thumb!
Lisa: Quiet please, some of us are trying to weld! Almost done, just lay still.
Linguo: Lie still.
Lisa: I knew that, just testing.
Linguo: Sentence fragment.
Lisa: "Sentence fragment" is also a sentence fragment.
Linguo: Must conserve battery power.
Lisa: Just come on.
: Sorry doesn't put thumbs on the hand, Marge!
[ Marge calls 911]
: 911, this better be good.
Chief Wiggum Marge: I cut off my husband's thumb!
Chief Wiggum: Attempted murder? You'll burn for this... burn in jail!
Marge: It was an accident!
Chief Wiggum [ skeptically]: Yeah, yeah, save it for Dateline: Tuesday.
Chief Wiggum: Uh, what's your address, so I can come arrest you?
Marge: Arrest me? Um, my address: it's, um... 1- 2- 3... Fake Street.
Chief Wiggum [ writes down the address]: 1-2-3 Fake Street, got it!
Lisa: Hey, stop! Wait! Ohh, any day but science project day!
[ Martin from the bus's back-door window as he rubs his electric globe]: Kiss first place good-bye, Lisa! [ Martin laughs maniacally]
Marge : (screams as he almost gets run over)
Ned Flanders: ...and Harry Potter, and all his wizard friends, went straight to Hell for practicing witchcraft.
Marge: We've got to get to the hospital, Homer!
Homer: Okay, if the doctor asks why you cut it off, you caught me in bed with four beautiful women.
Marge: Let's just say that Bart did it.
Marge [ after rear-ending Wolfcastle's Ferrari]: Aw, doodlebugs.
: My Ferrari! I had to do awful things to pay for her. [ Rainier Wolfcastle Wolfcastle takes out a golf club and starts smashing the Simpsons' front car window
Marge: Homer, help! [ Homer has left the car]
Homer [ subtly]: Marge, over here. [ Marge and Homer drive off, taking Wolfcastle's Ferrari]
: I'm sorry, Homer, your HMO doesn't cover this kind of injury.
Dr. Hibbert Homer [ moans]: But I have finger insurance.
Dr. Hibbert: A thumb is not a finger.
Marge: Isn't there anything you can do?
Dr. Hibbert: Well, I could cut off the other thumb for a sense of symmetry.
Homer: Symmetry, eh?
Lisa: Sorry, I was rushing because I'm in the wrong school. [ nervous chuckle] Can you believe that?
: It's understandable. All the schools in this area were built from identical plans. I guess they didn't have enough money to hire I. M. Pei.
Thelonious Lisa: Whoa, you know I. M. Pei? I. M. Impressed.
[ Lisa and Thelonious laugh and snort]
Thelonious: My name's Thelonious.
Lisa: As in Monk?
Thelonious: Yes, the esoteric appeal is worth the beatings.
Lisa: What do your friends call you?
Thelonious: I don't really have any friends.
Lisa [ gasps]: Just like me.
[ Lisa, Thelonious, and Linguo dance about in a circle while The Turtles' ]
plays in the background Happy Together Lisa: Oh my god! It's 11:15! We've been spinning for hours! I've got to get to my school and hand in Linguo! Oh, but I don't want to leave you.
Thelonious: You must! You can't sacrifice grades for romance. That's not the girl I fell for.
Lisa: Will I ever see you again?
Thelonious: Of course you will, at the Magnet High School. Now go.
Marge: Hibbert's really losing it. We're going to Dr. Nick's!
Homer [ looks inside the ice-filled Tupperware bowl]: We need more ice. My thumb is fading fast!
[ Krusty After his limo stops short of nearly hitting Lisa]: Idiot, you almost ran over a viewer, and she's in our key demo! [ to Lisa] Sorry about that, kid, need a ride?
Lisa: Can you take me to school, Krusty?
Krusty: Hop in. [ to his limo driver] Hey moron, Springfield Elementary, and step on it!
[ The limo driver's window rolls down, revealing ]
Mr. Teeny as the driver; Mr. Teeny chuckles as he starts driving, and a moment later, he is pulled over by the police Chief Wiggum: Hey Teeny, you know where 123 Fake Street is?
[ Mr. Teeny subtitled]: I don't know what you're saying.
Chief Wiggum: Aw, it's okay. Hey, we got the same hat!
Lisa [ opens the Number 8 classroom door]: What?
French Teacher [ in French]: La grenouille mange le pamplemousse.
French Students [ in unison]: La grenouille mange le pamplemousse.
Lisa: Huh? This isn't Miss Hoover's class!
French Teacher [ in accented English]: I do not know this Mademoiselle "Oo-vair" of which you speak.
Lisa: What's happening? Where am I?
French Teacher: Sacre bleu! What a foolish question! You are at West Springfield Elementary School!
Lisa: West Springfield? I'm at the wrong school!
[ The French students laugh at Lisa]
French Teacher: En français.
[ The students laugh snobbishly and derisively with an accent at Lisa]
Homer [ Homer and Marge pull up to Moe's, Homer enters]: Quick, Moe! Marge cut off my thumb!
: No problem, just stick the old eye-gouger in the pickle brine. That'll keep your thumb fresh and delicious.
Moe Homer: Thanks, Moe.
Moe: Hey, uh hey, ain't you going to have a beer?
Homer: Well, I really shouldn't, what with my massive blood loss and all. Although I do like the occasional beer.
Homer [ as Cletus's pick-up pulls to a stop]: Hey, thanks for stopping.
: T'aint nothin'. You and me share a common infirmity. If anyone ever tells you a hog won't eat a finger, they's lying.
: This is where I come to cry.
: (upon seeing his truck hijacked) Hey! Somebody done stoled my wheels!
Dr. Nick: Inflammable means flammable? What a country!
Homer: (while drunk) Did you ever see that Blue Man Group? Total ripoff of the Smurfs. And the Smurfs... they suck!
Homer [ pulls his shriveled thumb out of the pickle-brine jar as he reaches a sign saying "Shelbyville, 20 Miles"]: Ooh, it's too late!
Homer [ tosses the jar into the trash can, and prepares to throw away his thumb]: Well, old friend, we always knew this day would come. Say good-bye to your brother.
Homer [ Linguo's head explodes, landing next to Homer]: What the hell?!
Homer [ gasps]: Linguo! Dead?
: Linguo... Linguo is... dead. [ Linguo powers down, and Homer closes his eyes]
Milhouse: I can't go to juvie! They use guys like me as currency!
Chief Wiggum: Yeah, they'll pass you around like... like currency, like you said.
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