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Oh The Places You’ll D’ohEdit
- Marge: Now, I'm off to a party, my outfit is chic. It's a Catwoman costume, I'm sure is unique.
- Comic Book Guy: Wait a second... It's Halloween?
- Marge: Just rest on the sofa, I'll be home by 10:00.
- Bart: Can we have some candy?
- Marge: Just one M&M.
- Abe: You should not be here while their mother's away!
- Homer: And you should be dead, you're so wrinkled and gray!
- Abe: I'll give you the business, you yellow sea cow! This go-getting oldster will... Where am I now?
- Borax: I am the Borax. I speak for the woods. But I've plastered my likeness on consumer goods.
- The Fat in the Hat: Sellout!
- The Fat in the Hat: I'm staying forever, you're all stuck with that, cause I'm your new daddy, The Fat in the....
- (Maggie stabs him)
- Homer: (dying) I'm afraid of nothing, not even hellfires. Just please, don't ever let me played by Mike Myers. (dies)
Dead and ShouldersEdit
- Milhouse: Bart, isn't it dangerous to fly your kite by the airport?
- Bart: Hey, if they get on an airbus, they know they're taking their chances.
- Bart: I'm alive! All patched up! End of story.
- Lisa: Actually, there's a little more.
- Bart: Ay, caramba!
- Homer: Hey, boy, since you don't need a bedroom anymore, I finally get my man cave.
- Ralph: That was gonna be my show-and-tell!
- Therapy teacher: I think we've made some progress here.
- Homer: Great... Oh, and I have this "two heads for one" coupon.
- Therapy teacher: Well, that's for lettuce.
- Homer: How about this one? "One random disorder free with every schizophrenia."
- Therapy teacher: That's mine, but it's expired.
- Homer: D'oh!
- Bart: Now I'll just cut off her annoying head and this body will be all mine. Or we both die. Not really sure what the rules are.
- Lisa: Why, Bart? I thought we were friends.
- Bart: A brother can never be friends with his sister.
- Lisa: Are you really, really sure?
- Bart: I'm afraid I am.
- Lisa: I feel your pain, brother.
- Krusty: Now, I need you to memorize these 10,000 setups by next week.
- Lisa: Help me, Doctor.
- Dr. Nick: So this is what successful post-op looks like.
Freaks no GeeksEdit
- Moe: Hey, torso!
- Barney: Huh?
- Moe: What's with the cookies? Even the human snail would've been done by now.
- Comic Book Guy: I am so sick and tired of people assuming that the human snail is, in some way, slow. Good day!
- Marge: Mr. Burnsum! You should treat these poor people with respect!
- Homer: Marge! Get away from those freaks. You belong to me! The dumb, hairless brute.
- Marge:Well you are the best the circus has to offer.
- Homer: Oh, ho. Taste the strength of your fiancee.
- Marge: With the mighty tongue God has given you. Why can't you speak for these imperfect angels?
- Homer: Marge these people knew what they were getting into when their parents sold them to the circus.
- Moe: Excuse me, ma'am, but, uh, I ain't never seen a normal stand up for us.
- Marge: (sighs) I, too, am a freak. One eye is blue, and the other a pale brown.
- Freaks: One of us! Gooble goo! One of us! Gooble goo!
- Homer: What does "gooble goo" even mean?
- Freaks: We don't know! Gooble goo!
- Homer: And that, kids, is how I met your mother.