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Marge: (to Bart, Lisa and Maggie) Fee-fi-fo-fum, give me all your candy and gum!
Bart: Who are you and why do you want our candy?
Homer: Your mother is the switch witch! A sort of tooth fairy dealie.
Marge: I take your sugary sweets and I give you healthy items! Plain brown toothbrushes, (puts a toothbrush on Lisa's bag) unflavored dental floss (puts a box of dental floss on Maggie's bag) and fun-sized mouthwashes! (puts a mouthwasher bottle on Bart's bag) TSA approved!
Bart: This is exactly why kids need a union.
The Diving Bell and the Butterball Edit
Homer: Ok. I'm the floor. I can't move. So far a normal Sunday morning...
Homer: Halloween: the one time of the year where the squalor of our home works to our advantage.
: For further communication I will require more beans.
: They say no two ass webs are the same.
Dial D for Diddily Edit
: Spend less time on your back and more time on your knees.
Ned: (narrating, watching Mr. Burns dump nuclear waste at a lake) All these years, I thought murder was a sin. Then I got new instructions from the good Lord Himself in his favorite language: English.
God: Slay Montgomery Burns and pee in his ashes!
Ned: Are you sure, Lord?
God: If you're having trouble with the second part, drink a lot of water. Now I've got to go! A hip-hop star is thanking me at the VMAs.
Homer: (on a microphone, pretending to be God) Okay, stupid Flanders, first I want you to kill that guy at the ice cream parlor who gave Homer Simpson a cone that had a little air in it.
Ned: (on the radio, sighs) Really?
Homer: Come on!! God does crazy things! Check your Old Testament! (Bart enters the room)
Homer: Hey dad.
Homer: Hey Bart! Uh, I mean, Jesus. (covers up the microphone) Hey son, you want Flanders to kill anybody? He's totally in my power!
Bart: Well, there's a tall boy in front of me in class so I can't see the board.
Homer: (on the microphone) And I sayeth unto you, slay every tall boy in town! (Homer and Bart hi-five each other)
Ned: (enters the room) Homer Simpson!
Ned: You made a killer out of me! (shows him a bible with a speaker on the cover)
Homer: Yeah, and what are you gonna do about it?
Ned: I'm going to kill you!
Ned: Because of you, I'm going to Hell!!
Ned: Hell!! Damn!! Backside!! Nothing matters anymore! I'm goin' down and my hand-basket seats two!
In the Na'vi Edit
Chalmers: (to the troops) People! you are on the most inhospitable planet in the galaxy! Extreme temperatures vicious indigenous life forms Are there any questions? (Cletus raises his hand) Yes?
Cletus: Are we in Kansas anymore?
Brandine: Well, are we in Nebraska?
Chalmers: No! We are not in any state!
Cletus: Oh... oh... is it Michigan?
Chalmers: Nobody talk anymore!
: Now prepare to take an incredible journey across the room.
: Traitor! How dare you betray me on me on the planet that got me laid?