|Treehouse of Horror XVII||
- Kent Brockman: It's blob rule on the streets of Springfield! And to make matters worse, we're being attacked by a 50-foot Lenny!
- 50-Foot Lenny: Everyone's paying attention to Homer.
- Carl: I still like you.
- 50-Foot Lenny: Thanks, Invisible Carl!
- Kodos: Colonel Kang, report.
- Kang: What a day. (An explosion occurs in the distance) You said we'd be greeted as liberators.
- Kodos: Don't worry. We still have the people's hearts and minds. (holds up a heart and brain)
- Kang: I don't know. I'm starting to think "Operation: Enduring Occupation" was a bad idea.
- Kodos: We had to invade! They were working on weapons of mass disintegration!
- Kang: Sure, they were!
- (Bart writes a command on a piece of paper and sticks it in the golem's mouth, who walks up to a wall and puts his foot through it)
- Bart: Can't you read my handwriting? I didn't say "Kick Homer's walls."
- Homer: What's going on?
- (The Golem kicks Homer in the crotch)
- Female Golem: There's a latke bar downstairs.
- Chief Wiggum: Latke? What the hell's a latke?
- Female Golem: They're pan-fried...
- Chief Wiggum: Case dismissed!!
- Homer: (gasps) Ooh. Beer-battered Germans.
- (The crowd screams and scatters as Homer eats a couple Germans)
- German Man: What did we Germans ever do to deserve this? (A second German man looks disapprovingly back at the other German) (realizing) Oh, right.
- (The two Germans dissolve inside of Homer's stomach)
- Homer: (zombie-like) Must eat more fat people. Thank God I'm in America.
- Mayor Quimby: We have nothing to fear but the aliens and their vastly superior killing technology!
- Orson Welles: The devastation is incredible! They're grinding up the bodies of human beings!
- Sound technician: (uses a wisp to grind up cornflakes)
- Orson Welles: Now they're riding horses in the rain!
- Sound technician: (clacks coconut halves against a wooden board while pouring water into a tray)
- Orson Welles: Now they're playing the xylophone while bowling near an airport.
- Sound technician: (holds up sign reading "Screw you" and leaves)
- Radio Announcer: Astronomers say the ominous capsules originated from Earth's closest neighbor.
- Homer: Flanders?
- Radio Announcer: Mars!
- Radio Announcer: We interrupt this dance music from Lamourian Roman Capital City's Fabulous Hotel Hitler to bring you a special bulletin.
- Homer: Hey, I'm not done dancing! This bulletin better swing!
- Grandpa: I never thought it would come to this when I fought in the first World War.
- Lenny: First World War? Why do you keep calling it that?
- Grandpa: Oh, you'll see!
- Golem: I feel so guilty! I've mangled and maimed 37 people and I told a telemarketer I was busy when I wasn't! I'm not a good man.
- Lisa: He sure is neurotic for a monster.
- Bart: Finally someone who does whatever I say!
- (Milhouse comes)
- Milhouse: Hey, Bart. I shaved my head like you told me.
- Bart: Get lost!
- Milhouse: Yes, master!
- Kearney: Yo, Simpson. Give us your lunch money!
- Bart: Hmm... I don't think so. In fact, why don't you give me your lunch money?
- Dolph: Who's gonna make us? That golem?
- Bart: No, my gol--Yes, him.
- Mayor Quimby: In you go, boys. We've got everything--warm beds, square meals, homeless women.
- Dr. Phil: Homer, your family's here. And you've gotta help me help them help you help me help you.
- Homer: Marge, I missed you. All this eating has put me in the mood for a little lovin' (purrs sexily)
- Marge: I have to be honest with you: I can't love a 4,000 ton cannibal.
- Homer: What happened to "for better or for worse?!"
- Bart: Dad, you're eating Dr. Phil.
- Homer: (licks fingers) It's amazing. He tastes just like Jeffery Tambor.
- (Dr. Phil can be seen grunting and struggling inside Homer's stomach)
- Dr. Phil: Food does not equal love! (He perishes inside Homer's stomach)
- Dr. Phil: You've got a weight problem, and you know it!
- Homer: You're right. Starting tomorrow, no bread before dinner.
- Dr. Phil: Homer, don't sell me an outhouse and tell me it's a Taj Mahal!
- Chief Wiggum: Yeah, Homer, stop doing that!
- Homer: Ooh, teenagers! Mmm! (gurgles and drools) No, today's teens have enough problems without me eating them!
- Teenage Girl: Barbecue sauce fight!
- (All the teens start squirting each other with Barbecue sauce, Squeaky Voiced Teen gets hit with some sauce and falls into a bonfire)
- Squeaky Voiced Teen: (screaming) The flames are sealing in my juices!
- Homer: I'll savor you!
- (Homer grabs Squeaky Voiced Teen and takes a bite out of him)
- Homer: Mmm! Extra-virgin. (gurgles and drools)
- (Homer starts stuffing Squeaky Voiced Teen into his mouth)
- Squeaky Voiced Teen: (screaming) Tell my friends I died kissing a girl!
- Homer: No!
- (Homer swallows Squeaky Voiced Teen)
- (Homer wakes up)
- Homer: Must eat, then poop, then eat some more, then eat while pooping. (Homer heads down to the kitchen and raids the refrigerator, drinking syrup) Still hungry.
- (Bart stumbles into the kitchen to see what is going on)
- Bart: Dad?
- Homer: Son, let me have a lick at you.
- (Homer stuffs Bart into his mouth and tries to eat him. Marge walks into the kitchen and clicks on the light)
- Marge: Homer! You won't eat my stuffed peppers, but you'll eat our son?
- Homer: Nag, nag, nag.
- (Homer pulls a squirming Bart out of his mouth)
- (Meteorite splits and goo appears in it)
- Homer: Whoo! A space marshmallow! (plucks the goo with a stick and tries to eat the goo, which keeps trying to avoid Homer's mouth) Uh? Where do you think you're going?
- Lisa: Dad, no! It could teach us the secret of interstellar travel.
- Homer: If he's so smart, how come he can't stay out of my mouth?
- (The goo struggles in Homer's mouth before finally being swallowed)
- Marge: How could you eat that goo? You don't know what galaxy it's from.
- Homer: Marge, I ate it. It's over.
- (The goo tries to seep out of Homer's nose)
- Homer: Whoa! Oh, no, you don't! (He repeatedly snorts the goo back into his nose) If I can keep down Arby's, I can keep down you!
- (Homer and Marge makes out in the backyard)
- Marge: Look! A shooting star!
- Homer: Hey, that's great. Let's look at it after. (turns Marge's head for a kiss and while the two make out, the meteorite sears through Marge's hair and slams into the ground)
- Marge: Whoa! That almost tore my head off.
- Homer: (whining) Oh, you always find an excuse not to make out.
- Mr. Burns: Hello, boils and ghouls. I am the crypt-keeper, or should I say master of scary-i-monie (laughs)
- Smithers: (laughs) Priceless sir, you made the word ceremonies frightening.
- Mr. Burns: I know what I did. Urghh.