|Treehouse of Horror XV||
- Bart: Am I the only one who is in horrible pain?
- Homer: You're the only one who won't shut up about it!
The Ned Zone
- Ned: Homer, do not press the core destruct button!
- Transmitted into the booth: Homer, (Static) press (Static) Destruct button!
- Homer: Okay.
- Ned: Don't do it! You'll kill everyone!
- Transmitted: (Static) Do it! (Static) Kill everyone!
- Ned: Homer, please, don't tempt the gods... er, I mean God! There's one God! Only one! Well, sometimes there's three.
- (Ned shoots Homer)
- Ned: Homer! Fall backward! (Homer walks backwards and dies outside the button)
- Ned: Phew!
- (Homer turns on to his back and dies)
- Ned: Phew!
- (Homer's tongue comes out and hits the button)
- Ned: Oh, you stupid son of a…… (town explodes)
- Lisa: If you must kill our dad, remember the family motto: not in the face.
- Ned: I had a vision of myself... shooting your father.
- Bart: In this neighborhood, who hasn't?
- Ned: Homer, stay away from the nuclear plant.
- Homer: Fine, I'll never go back… starting tomorrow. Today is Lenny's birthday and they're having ice cream cake.
- Ned: B-B-B-But you'll kill us all!
- Homer: But ice cream cake!
- (Homer drives off)
- Ned: I gotta find Homer! He's gonna blow up the whole town!
- Carl: Yeah, well, you know. You've gotta take the bitter with the sweet.
Four Beheadings and a Funeral
- Chief Wiggum: (sighs) Looks like the Mutton-Chop Murderer has struck again.
- Lou: What should we do with the body?
- Wiggum: I want you to dust her for prints.
- Eddie: What does that mean?
- Wiggum: The prince is coming by and I want her clean when he looks her over. (Eliza enters the room)
- Eliza: Perhaps we can be of assistant, Inspector.
- Wiggum: Well well well, look who is here! Master detective Eliza Simpson and her easily amazed sidekick: Dr. Bartley.
- Bartley: (gasps) What's this? A doorknob! Good show!
- Otto: (throw by Homer) Opium Rules!
- Lord Mayor Quimby: This week in our Summer Hanging Series we're pleased to present the Muttonchop Murderer! At last God-fearing Londoners are free to walk Whore Alley. (Chief Wiggum prepares to push the switch to hang him, but Eliza prevents him)
- Eliza: Stay your hand, Inspector. That man is innocent! The murderer's blade is covered with blood, but the handle is covered with something else: the unmistakable fragrance of (points the sword to Wiggum, who is eating an Eel Pie) eel pie.
- Wiggum: Eh, Lots of people like Eel Pie!
- Lou: Yeah? Well, how many of them have muttonchops? (Takes off his hat, revealing his muttonchops)
- Wiggum: Why can't you be more like Eddie? He never says a word against me.
- Lou: That's because you cut his tongue.
- Eddie: (His speech is different due to a lack of a tongue) He's right, chief.
In the Belly of the Boss
- Lisa: Dad, would you like some of my Snickers bar cheesecake?
- Mr. Burns: Oh, I feel full enough as it is.
- Homer: (inside Burns) I say when we're full! You don't wanna piss off a man who can kick you in the crotch from the inside!