|Treehouse of Horror XIV||
- Bart: Good grief, this candy's terrible. Circus peanuts, raisins, nicotine gum, a library card. You got all the good stuff.
- Lisa: And yet, I'm still not satisfied. (takes a bite out of Bart's candy)
- Bart: You thieving hussy! (strangles Lisa)
- Homer: (after getting impaled in the chest) Guh! Goh! Meh! You kids have got to learn the actions of consequences. (takes spear out of his chest and picks up a flaming log in fireplace with it) Eat fire, punks! (throws log)
- Bart and Lisa: (scream and dodge flaming log)
- Grampa: What the...! (gets hit by log, causing it to set Grampa on fire) I'm still cold.
- Kang: Pathetic humans! (holds up a TV Guide) They're showing a Halloween episode... (holds up a calendar with November on it) in November!
- Kodos: Who's still thinking about Halloween? We've already got our Christmas decorations up! (points to the fireplace, which has a replica of Kang and Kodos taking over Santa, his sleigh, and the reindeer, a Christmas wreath, two Christmas shrubs on each side, two poinsettia plants on each side, a string of lights below the replica, and Rigellian-themed stockings for Kang and Kodos)
- Kang and Kodos: (laughs like Santa Claus in unison) Merry Christmas! (their spaceship flies away as Kodos laughs)
- Homer: Death! Death! We miss you so much! You were a busboy in the restaurant of life. Clearing away the oldies and the sickies and the chokies. And you made NASCAR racing exciting!
- Marge: Homer, it's trash day! Would you just take him out of the curb?
- God: Wait a minute! This isn't Marge! It's her fat sister, Selma!
- Homer: It's Patty, CHUMP!
- Lisa: Dad! You've become the new Grim Reaper!
- Homer: No way, forget it. I might occasionally kill out of anger, or to illustrate a point. But I am not a Grim Reaper! (the robe sucks in his groin) Ow! Ow! I'll reap! I'll reap already!
- (hanging from a noose)
- Moe: If I knew this would take so long I'd put out a TV.
- (Pizza boy comes in)
- Pizza Boy: Pizza!
- Moe: The money's on the counter… No tip.
- Pizza Boy: Aw, you miserable bastard!
- Moe: That's why I'm up here. (looks at his watch again)
- (Lisa asking about Frink, Sr. when she first sees him.)
- Lisa: Did a shark do that?
- Frink, Jr.: Yes. He was testing out a new blood-based suntan lotion.
- Frink, Sr: I may be a soul,but I’m hungry.Can you throw in a little mazzard? Maybe a nice pizza pitch?
- Professor Frink Sr.: I'm getting me a real spleen and then I'm gonna vent it on you boy chick.
- (to Seymour, after Frink Sr. ripped out his spine)
- Agnes Skinner: Lost your spine huh? You just keep finding new ways to disappoint me.
Stop the World, I Want to Goof Off
- Adult Bart: Wait! When people see all the stuff we did, they're gonna kill us!
- Adult Milhouse: Yeah… and I can't run too fast after 15 years of eating nothing but Gummi Worms. (swallows a bunch of Gummi Worms) I'm gonna quit tomorrow, I swear.
- Bart: Do you realize what this means?
- Milhouse: Yeah, but you say it first.
- Nelson: Ha... (his clothes disappear) Huh?
- Lisa: Why can't I tinker with the fabric of existence?
- Homer: Let the baby have her bottle.