Fandom

Simpsons WIki

Treehouse of Horror IX/Quotes

< Treehouse of Horror IX

18,726 articles being
edited here
Add New Page
Talk0 Share

Ad blocker interference detected!


Wikia is a free-to-use site that makes money from advertising. We have a modified experience for viewers using ad blockers

Wikia is not accessible if you’ve made further modifications. Remove the custom ad blocker rule(s) and the page will load as expected.

Episode
References
Gags
Appearances
Gallery
Quotes
Credits
Bart the Mother
Treehouse of Horror IX
When You Dish Upon a Star
Apu: Ooh! Ooh-la-la, Simpson. What can I do for you and your new 'do?
Snake: (possessing Homer) You sent me to the chair.
Apu: (gasps) Snake? But you're dead!
Snake: I know you are, but what am I?
(Snake grabs Apu by the shoulder and pushes him into the squishee machine)
Apu: No, no! NOOOOO!!

Bart: You've got to fight the hair, dad.
Homer: But I look so youthful and hunky.
Snake: (possessing Homer) The kid's gotta die.
Homer: But I love my son.
Snake: More than a lush head of hair?
Homer: Don't make me choose! (Snake laughs) No!
(Homer tears Snake's hair off of his head and discards it)
Homer: I love you, son.
Bart: I love you too, Dad.

Homer: (He throws a punch to Kang on his face) One eyed, Two timing- [bleeping twice] I'm gonna- [bleeps]
Kang: Oh, yeah? Well [bleeps] hyper-bolic paraboloid, [bleep] your mama! (He possessing a chairs.)

Woman: (to Kang) You, know somebody needs to learn your green ass and responsibility.
(Kang shoots the woman with his laser gun and the woman vaporates.)
Jerry: Now, hold on Kang. You can't bully my audience with your fancy ray gun—
(Kang shoots the entire audiences, except Jerry and they also vaporate.)

Lisa: Of course! The transplant. Somehow Snake's hair must be controlling…
Marge: Oh please, Lisa, everyone's already figured that out.

Homer: (to Dr. Hibbert) Is there anything you can prescribe, doctor?
Dr. Hibbert: Fire! And lots of it!
Marge: Hmm, that's your cure for everything!

Chief Wiggum: Homer Simpson, you're under arrest for the murder of Moe Syzlak and Apu Nasaha... er... Moe. Just Moe.
Homer: It wasn't me. It was the hair!
Chief Wiggum: Freeze Hairball! (after he shots Snake's hair) Now that's what I call a Bad Hair Day (everyone laughs).

Chief Wiggum: (to Snake) Hands up, you scuzzbag! (Moe raises his hands) Nah, not you, the smoking scuzzbag.
Snake: (raises his hands, and flicks away cigarette) Yo, chill out, dude. I'll pay the fine.
Chief Wiggum: Not this time, you won't; because this is your third strike. First, you torched that orphanage, then you blew up that bus full of nuns...
Snake: Hey, that was self-defense!
Chief Wiggum: Well, you'll be seeing lots of nuns where you're going, pal: Hell! Because the penalty for strike three is death.

Ed McMahon: Hi, I'm Ed McMahon. Tonight on Fox, from the producers of "When Skirts Fall Off" and "Secrets of National Security Revealed", it's "World's Deadliest Executions."

Marge: (after turning off "Itchy & Scratchy") Sorry, but if I let you watch some of these gruesome Halloween cartoons, I'd be a pretty lousy mother.

Bart: Oh, my God. Everyone Snake swore revenge on is being murdered!
Marge: It's almost as if he's killing from beyond the grave.
Lisa: I told you capital punishment isn't a deterrent.
Bart: Don't you get it? He swore to kill me, too. I'm next!
Homer: [puts his arm around Bart] Don't worry, I'll protect you. [in Snake's voice] Little dude.

Bart: Hey, Lis, we're characters in a cartoon!
Lisa: How humiliating.

Homer: (after watching Bart and Lisa on TV) Oooh, how are Bart and Lisa gonna get out of this one?

[After Regis & Kathie Lee are splattered in cilantro]
Regis: My eyes, my beautiful eyes!
Kathie Lee: That's it! I'm going home! Dom DeLouise can interview himself.

[After Maggie climbs up the ceiling with her tentacles]
Marge: Homer, do something! The ceiling's not a safe place for a young baby.
Homer: Eh, all right, I got it. [gets a broom and tries to poke Maggie off the ceiling] Come on, get off the... [Maggie grabs the handle with her free tentacles and swings Homer back and forth across the room] Bad baby! Oh, she's entering the terrible two's, all right.

Marge: Homer, Kang is Maggie's father.
Homer: (gasps) You intergalactic hussy! How could you? (covers his face & cries, then looks up) Was he better than me?

Jerry Springer: And now for my final thought. Nobody wins when parents put their petty squabbles above the welfare of a child. Let's hope they put their differences aside and do what's best for Maggie. [Maggie attacks Jerry] Ow! What the [bleep]! Get the [bleep] baby off [bleep]! You Son of a [bleep]!

Marge: I'm so [bleep] embarrassed.

Marge: I can't believe it. Jerry Springer didn't solve our conflict.
Lisa: And now he's dead.

Homer: C'mon, Maggie. Let's go home.
Maggie: (in Rarity's voice) Very well then. I'll drive! [laughs menacingly as the episode ends] I need blood.

[During the opening couch scene]
Freddy: I don't get it! They should be here by now!
Jason: Meh, what you gonna do?

Homer: (after seeing Kang and Kodos at the door) Oh, great. Mormons.
Kang: Actually, we're Quantum-Presbyterians.

Homer: (singing) Mama took those batteries, She took 'em away, Mama took those batteries, Size double-A.

Bart: (after changing Lisa and the tv screen into red) Whoa! Cool!
Lisa: (Holding the remote control) Bart quit it!


Season 9 Season 10 Quotes Season 11
Lard of the DanceThe Wizard of Evergreen TerraceBart the MotherTreehouse of Horror IXWhen You Dish Upon a StarD'oh-in' in the WindLisa Gets an "A"Homer Simpson in: "Kidney Trouble"Mayored to the MobViva Ned FlandersWild Barts Can't Be BrokenSunday, Cruddy SundayHomer to the MaxI'm with CupidMarge Simpson in: "Screaming Yellow Honkers"Make Room for LisaMaximum HomerdriveSimpsons Bible StoriesMom and Pop ArtThe Old Man and the "C" StudentMonty Can't Buy Me LoveThey Saved Lisa's BrainThirty Minutes Over Tokyo

Also on Fandom

Random Wiki