|Treehouse of Horror IV||
- Devil Flanders: Now remember, the instant you finish it, I own your soul for--
- (Homer has already scarfed all but a small crumb of the donut)
- Homer: Hey, wait. If I don't finish this last bite, you don't get my soul, do you?
- Devil Flanders: Uh, technically no, but--
- Homer: (singing) I'm smarter than the Devil. I'm smarter than the Dev--
- (Flanders turns into a huge demon)
- Devil Flanders: YOU ARE NOT SMARTER THAN THE DEVIL! (Homer gulps) I'll see you in Hell yet, Homer Simpson!
- (Devil Flanders curses Homer by turning his head into a donut.)
- Marge: Homer, don't pick at it!
- Homer: But, Marge, I'm so sweet and tasty! Well, time to go to work.
- Lisa: Dad, I wouldn't go outside if I were you.
- Chief Wiggum: (Outside house, sipping coffee) Don't worry, boys. He's got to come out of there sometime.
- Homer: Oh, I'd sell my soul for a donut.
- (Flanders appears as the devil.)
- Devil Flanders: Well (chuckles) that can be arranged.
- Homer: Flanders?! You're the devil?!
- Devil Flanders: (Chuckles) It's always the one you least expect.
- Devil Flanders: I give you the Jury of the Damned. Benedict Arnold. Lizzy Borden. Richard Nixon.
- Nixon: But I'm not dead yet! In fact, I just wrote an article for Redbook.
- Devil Flanders: Listen, I did a favor for you!
- Nixon: (subdued) Yes master.
- Devil Flanders: John Wilkes Booth. Blackbeard the Pirate. John Dillinger. And the starting line of the 1976 Philadelphia Flyers.
- Marge: Lisa, stop being so suspicious. Did everyone wash their necks like Mr. Burns asked?
- Bart & Lisa: Yes.
- Homer: (Holding out a pitch black towel) Sure did!
- Bart: Otto! There's a gremlin on the side of the bus!
- (Otto looks out his side window and sees Hans Moleman driving.)
- Otto: Don't worry, Bart dude. I'll get rid of him.
- (Otto slams into the car.)
- Hans Moleman: Oh, I just made my final payment.
- (Moleman's car almost crashes into a tree, but then explodes.)
- Bart: I just had a vision of my own horrible fiery death.
- Lisa: And…?
- Grampa: Quick! We have to kill the boy!
- Marge: How did you know he's a vampire?
- Grampa: He's a vampire? (runs off screaming)
- (Homer squeezes bull horn in Bart's ear)
- Bart: (screams)
- Homer: Hey Marge, I found all this stuff at the dock. It was just sitting in some guy's boat.
- Homer: Bart! How many times have I told you before not to bite your sister? Hey, wait a minute! You are a vampire!
- Homer: It sure was nice of Mr. Burns to invite us for a midnight dinner at his country house in...Pennsylvania!
- (Homer is being sucked into Hell)
- Marge: Homer, did you eat that donut?!
- Homer: No.
- Blackbeard: (looking at Homer and Marge's wedding picture) Arrgh! This be some sort of treasure map!
- Benedict Arnold: Give me that, you idiot! You can't read!
- Vampire Burns: (On the intercom) Welcome, come in. (whispered) Ah, fresh victims for my ever-growing army of the undead!
- Smithers: Sir, you have to let go of the button.
- Vampire Burns: Oh son of a bi--(The doors to the manor open)
- Lisa: Dad, do you notice anything strange?
- Homer: Yeah, his hairdo looks so queer.
- Vampire Burns: I heard that!
- Homer: It was the boy!
- Vampire Grampa: This cape is giving me a rash.
- Groundskeeper Willie: My mule wouldn't walk in the mud. (starts to get teary) So I had to put seventeen bullets in him.
- Lionel Hutz: I watched Matlock in a bar the other night. The sound wasn't on, but I think I got the gist of it.
- Blackbeard: This chair be high, says I.
- Homer: Lisa, vampires are make-believe like elves, gremlins, and Eskimos.
- Principal Skinner: Pull, Willie, pull!
- Groundskeeper Willie: I'm doin' all of the pullin', you blouse-wearin' poodle-walker!
- Homer: Ooh! Super Fun Happy Slide!
- Lisa: No, Dad!
- Homer: Ohh…I guess killing will be fun enough.
- Vampire Bart: (Floating outside Lisa's window with a few other kids he's bitten) Come join us Lisa, it's so cool. You get to stay up all night drinking blood!
- Vampire Milhouse: And if you say you're a vampire, you get a free small soda at the movies.
- (Bart laughs as he transforms into a bat and flies out the window as the family watches him go)
- Marge: Homer, we gotta do something. Today, he's drinking people's blood. Tomorrow, he could be smoking!
- (Bart is captured by the vampires. A female vampire presents him to Burns who flies in as a bat then morphs to his human form)
- Vampire Burns: Well if isn't little...um...boy. Eh, yeah.
- Lisa: (Rushing back to the dining room) Mom! Dad! Mr. Burns is a vampire! And he has Bart!
- Vampire Burns: (Appears with blood visible on his fangs) Why Bart is right here.
- Bart: (Pale-skinned, bite marks on his neck, droning) Hello mother, hello father. I missed you during my uneventful absence.