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Treehouse of Horror II/Quotes

< Treehouse of Horror II

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Episode
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Like Father, Like Clown
Treehouse of Horror II
Lisa's Pony
(Rabat, Morocco. The Simpsons are taking a vacation there)
Homer: What is this?
Merchant: A monkey's paw that will grant its owner four wishes.
Homer: Wow! How much?
Merchant: Sir, I must recommend against buying this. It carries a bad omen. Take me for example, I was once the President of Algeria...
Homer: I did not ask for your life story, pal! I asked how much?

Marge: Homer, where'd you get the monkey's paw?
Homer: I got it from the stand...over..there. (points to an empty space. A gust of wind is blowing sand around)
Homer: Oh, wait. It's over there.
Merchant: You will be sorry.

Kodos: They constructed a board with a nail in it, but they won't stop there. They'll construct bigger boards with bigger nails, and then they'll construct a board with a nail in it so large, it will destroy them all...

Football announcer: The kick is up...it's looking good...The ball is turning into a fat bald guy! (Homer is shown on the TV, flying into the goal post) And it's no good, and you know what we say every time something strange happens, it's good that Bart did that, it's very good!
[Bart changes channel to the Krusty show, showing a stubbly, ragged Krusty]
Krusty: Well, we're still on. 346 consecutive hours. And all because of one little boy who...WHO WON'T LET ME STOP!! Anyway, now let's go and see if Sideshow Mel has any more of those legal, over-the-counter wake-up drugs of his!
Audience: {in unison:} YAY!

(Homer is changed back from a Jack in the Box)
Bart: I love you, dad.
Homer: I love you, son. (kisses him; as the dream ends, Bart wakes up screaming)

Homer is digging a grave, being supervised by Groundskeeper Willie.
Willie: Deeper! Wider! Faster! I wouldn't bury me turtle in that mud puddle! Gach! What's the use? [He leaves.]
Homer: Sheesh. What a slave driver.

(Mr. Burns has kicked the robot, causing it to fall and crush him.)
Mr. Burns: Have trouble breathing... organs leaking vital fluids... Smithers... I am going to die.
Smithers: No! Cannot anything be done?!}}
Mr. Burns: We have one chance. Go to my office... open the desk... third drawer... There is some ether.
Homer wakes up and screams
Marge: Did you have a nightmare, Homey?
Homer: No, Bart bit me.
Bart: Hey, man, you were crushing me. I tried to scream, but my mouth was full of flab.
(Homer awakens and enters bathroom. He turns on light to see a scary reflection in mirror.)
Homer: [screams]
Mr. Burns: Perhaps you are curious as to why you have two heads. Well, my body was crushed, so I had my head grafted onto your, shall we say, ample frame.
Homer: [trying to stay calm] I can wake up. It's all a dream. It's just a dream.
Mr. Burns: Oh, that's right. It's all a dream... Or is it? [laughs diabolically as Executive Producer credit appears]
Narrator: Next week, on The Simpsons...
(Scene goes to the Kitchen where the Simpsons family is eating breakfast.)
Lisa: [puts down the newspaper] Don't forget, Dad, tonight my class is an all-you-can-eat spaghetti dinner.
Homer: Mmm…spaghetti.
Mr. Burns: [his head attached to Homer's shoulder] But Homer, tonight's reception for Queen Beatrix of The Netherlands!
Homer: Oh, I hate having two heads.


Season 2 Season 3 Quotes Season 4
Stark Raving DadMr. Lisa Goes to WashingtonWhen Flanders FailedBart the MurdererHomer DefinedLike Father, Like ClownTreehouse of Horror IILisa's PonySaturdays of ThunderFlaming Moe'sBurns Verkaufen der KraftwerkI Married MargeRadio BartLisa the GreekHomer AloneBart the LoverHomer at the BatSeparate VocationsDog of DeathColonel HomerBlack WidowerThe Otto ShowBart's Friend Falls in LoveBrother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?

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