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Today, I Am a Clown |
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- Groundskeeper Willie: (inspects a puppy) He's an irritable, walleyed misfit bastard! (turns soft) Just like Willie. Oh... Oh...
- Bart: Hey, mister, would you like a puppy?
- Snake: No, but I'll take one! (reveals a gun inside his vest)
- Bart: Okay.
- Snake: I'm going to cherish and care for this dog, and there's nothing you can do to stop me! Hahahaha! (kisses the puppy)
- Krusty: I just found out I'm not Jewish! I got turned down by all those country clubs for nothing!
- Homer: Who has more power? Miss America or Miss USA?
- Carl: I think one's elected, and the other one's appointed.
- Bart (to Lisa): How do you know all this stuff?
- Lisa: I have a Jewish imaginary friend. Her name is Rachel Cohen and she just got into Brandeis.
- Krusty: (pitching show ideas to Fox) How about one where I move in with a poor family, and laugh at 'em! You see, beā¦ (the Fox executive looks interested briefly) Okay, how about you televise my bar mitzvah! Live! Please you people are known for taking chances on crap!!!
- (Lisa opens the door and picks up Maggie)
- Marge: (gasps) How did you get her out?
- Lisa: I tried the coat hanger again. I don't understand why we only try ideas once.
- Homer: I'll audience you! (grunting while strangling Bart)
- Chief Wiggum: Simpson, I hate to bother you when you're eating. But you're always eating.
- Lisa: Wait. Santa's Little Helper had puppies before and then we got him neutered.
ā Season 14 | Season 15 Quotes | Season 16 āŗ |
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Treehouse of Horror XIV ā¢ My Mother the Carjacker ā¢ The President Wore Pearls ā¢ The Regina Monologues ā¢ The Fat and the Furriest ā¢ Today, I Am a Clown ā¢ 'Tis the Fifteenth Season ā¢ Marge vs. Singles, Seniors, Childless Couples and Teens and Gays ā¢ I, D'oh-Bot ā¢ Diatribe of a Mad Housewife ā¢ Margical History Tour ā¢ Milhouse Doesn't Live Here Anymore ā¢ Smart and Smarter ā¢ The Ziff Who Came to Dinner ā¢ Co-Dependent's Day ā¢ The Wandering Juvie ā¢ My Big Fat Geek Wedding ā¢ Catch 'Em if You Can ā¢ Simple Simpson ā¢ The Way We Weren't ā¢ Bart-Mangled Banner ā¢ Fraudcast News |