|To Surveil With Love||
- [Chief Wiggum is explaining to new recruits how to use the monitors]
- Chief Wiggum: "Now just follow a little formula called PB&J, peer at the monitor, be judgmental and jot it down. And one way to remember that is ABC, Always Be Considering PB&J, but the single most important rule is the four 'a's, Always Act According to ABC."
- (At the train station)
- Train passenger: (sees Homer's bag), That bag, surely it’s attended. (The crowd moves back.) UNATTENDDED BAG! (The crowd runs)
- Train conductor: All panic!
- Ned: I never wanted to turn into Big Brother. I just want to a Little Sister tattling on everyone so the town would be a nicer place.
- Homer: Well, if you ask me, you were trying to play God.
- Ned: (Gasps), that’s the worst sin of all for some reason.
- Marge: "That's not Sesame Street, that's a Gay Bar."
- [Shauna is making out with Jimbo but they both freak out when they hear a voice coming from somewhere]
- Jimbo: "Come on baby it's just a voice."
- Flanders: "I guess I did create all this like God created the Devil."
- Homer: "God create the devil? Finally he did something cool!"
- Queen Elizabeth II: "I'll miss that Ralph Wiggum. He reminds me of my boy."
- Prince Charles: "Mommy, my cat's breath smells like cat food."
- [Chief Wiggum is using the police monitors to spy on Edna Krabappel sunbathing topless]
- Lou: "Chief I think we got miss use police equipment on ZZ99."
- (At one of the debate groups)
- Lisa: And that is why hybrid car buyers should be given rebates paid for by taxes on hamburgers. (a lady blows a horn)
- Judge: Thank you Lisa. (Skinner enters the room)
- Skinner: Excuse me. the "podiums" are needed in the art room as easels.
- Ralph and Wendell: Yaaay!! (they leave the room)
- Judge: Megan, cross-examination.
- Megan: What if someone's driving an old, but functioning, car? Wouldn't the carbon required to create a new hybrid exceed the savings in gas?
- Lisa: Initially yes, but...
- Megan: And isn't most electricity in the United States ultimately derived from the burning of coal?
- Lisa: Currently. However, solar and wind are...
- Megan: The sun and the breeze. two things you know a lot about, right blondie?
- Lisa: Blondie!?
- Megan: (Sarcastically) Like totally, Why don't we get a bitchin' new perm with daddy's credit card? (The kids laugh)
- Lisa: First of all, my father no longer has any functioning credit cards. Secondly, How dare you refer to...
- Megan: (Sarcastically) Ooh, you can count to two!
- Lisa: (Andry at her) Oh!
- Megan: Do you need some ice on your head? (The kids laugh, Lisa gasps)
- Lisa: I'd.... I... (The lady blows the horn again)
- Judge: The winner by a hair-- a brown hair-- Megan! (Lisa angrilly groans at her while she stares sarcastiically at Lisa)