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To Courier with Love/Quotes

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Fland Canyon
To Courier with Love
Marge: Homer, you have to do more!
Homer: Ook?!
Marge: I'm getting tired of your "Ooks". I can't do this alone. Where's your chore list?
Homer: Oh, I'm taking care of that! It's laminated. And to make sure I do it... (shows Margea doodle of her on the back of the chore list) Hmm? (Marge groans)

(Homer, Bart, Lisa and Maggie find an old car on the garage)
Lisa: I've never seen this. It must've been left by some previous owner.
Homer: Holy moly, a valuable antique car!! This is the find of a lifetime! Oh, it's a stick. (Homer enters the car and starts the engine)
Lisa: Dad, shouldn't we see who owns the car?
Homer: Now, sweetie, according to the ancient law of Trover, abandoned property passes to the subsequent landowner.
Bart: Man, ever since you watched Medieval Tomb Robbers on the History Channel, everything with you is Trover, Trover, Trover!
Homer: Boy, either show me a writ of replevin or pipe down!

Homer: Well, if it isn't my favorite gal in my favorite room!
Marge: I'm glad you had a good day.
Homer: You don't sound glad.
Marge: I'm not glad.
Homer: But you said you were glad!
Marge: You need to read between the lines.
Homer: Why? There's just white space there.
Marge: (Crying) I'm sorry, Homie. Your life is full of fun surprises. My life sucks! (sobs and grabs a box of tissues)
Homer: (thinking) Uh-oh. Tissues. (Marge lays down on the bed) W... would it help if I rubbed your back? Huh? Eh? Uh...
Marge: Your hands smell like steering wheel.

Homer: Poor Marge. What do I do? Help me, universe! (the doorbell rings and Homer opens the door) Jay Leno!?
Jay Leno: Hiya! I was just passing in my 1973 Citroen DS Pallas when I saw that classic Morgan with the original wood dash interior. Man, I... I'd like to buy it!
Homer: You'll have to pay cash with no questions asked.
Jay Leno: How much you want?
Homer: I said no questions!

Jay Leno: (unlocks his car via remote control) Unbelievable, It opens from here!! (laughs) The age we live in!

Marge: I've decided where I want to go.
Homer: Uh... Ooh, the trolley at the mall?
Marge: No, Paris! The most romantic city in the world. (Homer leaves the house)
Homer: Paris? What am I gonna do? (Jay Leno opens the trunk of his new car via remote control and seems impressed by it)

Homer: A travel agent?! Oh, thank God you're not obsolete yet.
Raphael: And a good morning to you, sir.
Homer: Here's the problem. I've disappointed my wife so many times I can't do it once more.
Raphael: I see.
Homer: So I have to take her and our three kids to Paris, but here's the challenge: I have no money.
Raphael: Uh, let me see what I can do. (starts typing on a keyboard)
Homer: Anything coming up?
Raphael: No, it's not plugged in. The noise helps me think.

Homer: For Marge, I will make the supreme sacrifice of not doing something!

(Lisa finds out about the snake inside the airplane)
Homer: I can't break her heart.
Lisa: Well, you can't let anything bad happen to that snake!
Homer: I promise. And you have to promise to preserve another endangered species: My marriage.
Lisa: I promise.
Homer: Oh, for the first time, a snake has ruined paradise!

Cesar: Are you casual courier Homer Simpson?
Homer: I am.
Ugolin: Here is your money. (gives a package to him)
Homer: Finally, I've been here for two minutes! Listen, what's gonna happen to, uh, "the package"?
Ugolin: Oh, it will have a fine home!
Cesar: A wonderful home.
Ugolin: As the belt around the waist of a well-dressed woman.
Homer: I am not gonna let you hurt that snake! (tries to throw the briefcase to Lisa, but she fails to catch)
Lisa: You have to say "Lisa, catch!" before you throw it.

Homer: (Looking at the Notre Dame cathedral) Man, look at those gargoyles. That's from back when religions still knew how to scare the crap out of you!

Bart: Hmm... Starving models? Well, Bart Simpson never met a beautiful woman he couldn't prank!

Lisa: Dad, I love being on a caper in France with you!
Homer: Well, this is gonna be a snap. All we need is to get our tickets from this automatic French ticket dispenser.
(fourty five minutes later, Homer is attacking the machine in anger)
Machine: Pour un billet aller retour, appuyes deux (For a round-trip ticket, press two)
Homer: (attacking the machine) Shut up, shut up. shut up! (the machine gives Homer a ticket)
Machine: Votre billet. (Your ticket)
Lisa: Dad, you just bought a ticket to Argenteuil.
Machine: Prochain client, s'il vous plaît. (Next costumer, please)
Homer: Stop speaking French, damn you! (slaps the machine twice and the french female voice turns into a german male voice)
Machine: (speaking German) Die Maschine nicht zu schlagen! (You can't beat the machine!)
Homer: Yes sir.

(Homer and Lisa arrive at the Gardens of the Louvre to set the snake free)
Lisa: Okay, you're free! Now, remember to respect this ecosystem. (the snake doesn't move)
Homer: Come on, go! You'll be a snake that lives in Paris. It's a children's book that writes itself!
Ugolin: Not so fast!
Lisa: (gasps) How did you find us?
Cesar: All tourists come to the Louvre.
Homer: Hey, it's got great paintings!
Ugolin: Oh, yeah? Name two!
Homer: Uh... Uh... Uh...

Lisa: (gasps) You're monsters.
Cesar: True, but that is just a part of who we are.
Ugolin: We are also poets.
Cesar: Communists.
Ugolin: Experts on mustard. (they realize Homer and Lisa are gone)
Cesar: They're gone!
Ugolin: If we want to be criminals, we should keep a better eye on people. It's really not that hard!
Cesar: Do not worry. There is one surefire way to find the Americans. Marco!
Homer: Polo!

Homer: Now what are we gonna do with the snake?
Lisa: We'll just have to keep him with us. (gasps)
Homer: What is it, Lisa? Do you see a Burger King?
Lisa: We're at rue des Lombards, home of the three most famous jazz clubs in Paris! What do you think, Dad?
Homer: (with his head on a guillotine) Just pull the rope. Please?

(Lisa asks for wine on a Jazz Club)
Waiter: How old are you?
Lisa: Eight.
Waiter: Très bien. (Fine)

Homer: (sighs) Marge, there's something I need to tell you. (grabs the briefcase from a Napoléon Bonaparte statue)
Marge: That briefcase! I knew it was trouble!
Homer: Yes, this is my Battle of Essling. Unless Napoleon had a more famous defeat I'm not aware of. (opens the briefcase and shows the snake to Marge) I've been smuggling this snake this whole trip. But it was the only way I could pay for it, and you wanted to go so badly. And besides, those French crooks couldn't catch anybody.
Cesar: (from the other side of a river) There they are!
Ugolin: No! No bridge! We'll have to board a Bateau Mouche. A little champagne, some dancing, and then... They're gone again!
Cesar: This joie de vivre is killing us!

French Chief Wiggum: Ooh-la-la-la-la. You have despoiled our supermodels, let an American perform with a French combo, and stolen these poor gentlemen's snake!
Homer: Well, I guess this is the point that comes in every vacation where I say... Run! Run! (runs through the door, but cops point guns at him) Okay, don't run.

Homer: I just want to say that before we came, our family was falling apart like your European Union. But just a few days in your wonderful country, and now we're better than ever!

Season 26 Season 27 Quotes Season 28
Every Man's DreamCue DetectivePufflessHalloween of HorrorTreehouse of Horror XXVIFriend with BenefitLisa with an "S"Paths of GloryBarthoodThe Girl CodeTeenage Mutant Milk-caused HurdlesMuch Apu About SomethingLove Is in the N2-O2-Ar-CO2-Ne-He-CH4Gal of Constant SorrowLisa the VeterinarianThe Marge-ian ChroniclesThe Burns CageLisa Got Her Marge BackFland CanyonTo Courier with LoveSimprovisedOrange is the New Yellow

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