|Thirty Minutes Over Tokyo||
- Lisa: Hey! Look, there's a cyber-café opening here in Springfield. Will you take me, Dad, please? I'll show you how to order pizza over the Internet.
- Homer: The Internet? Is that thing still around?
- Bart: I know a website that shows monkeys doing it.
- Lisa: Bart, the Internet is more than a global pornography network; it's --
- (Lisa is cut off by the horn honking in the driveway. Homer and Bart are already in the car)
- Homer: Come on, Lisa -- monkeys!
- Groundskeeper Willie: (searches online) Ach. Let's see what's been captured on the Up-Kilt camera. (presses "ENTER"; picture starts to download from the top of the screen) Ugh... This lass needs a bit of groundskeepin'. (chuckles, then stops as he sees something in the picture) Eh? (shouts in shock and disgust when the picture is finished) AH!!! That's Willie!
- (At the cyber-café, Homer Net-surfs on two computers at once)
- Lisa: Wow, Dad, you're surfing like a pro!
- Homer: Oh, yeah! I'm betting on Jai-alai in the Cayman Islands, I invested in something called 'News Corp' --
- Lisa: Dad! That's FOX!
- Homer: (shrieks) Undo! Undo!
- Bart: I'm still checking Japanese TV. Isn't it that cartoon that causes seizures? (Bart watches and has a seizure)
- Marge: Bart, what are you doing? (Marge is having a seizure)
- Lisa: Hey, what the... (Lisa is having a seizure)
- Homer: (comes in, checks around) Alright. (falls on the ground and fakes his seizure)
- (the Battling Seizure Robots show comes back on. Everyone, including Homer gets a seizure)
- (The Simpsons eat at a USA-themed restaurant called "Americatown." Each table is shaped like a state, and the Simpsons are seated at Massachusetts)
- Homer: I can't believe they stuck us at Taxachusetts! Hey, you know, I once knew a man from Nantucket.
- Bart: And?
- Homer: Let's just say the stories about him are greatly exaggerated.
- (a waiter approaches the Simpsons' table)
- Waiter: Howdy, gangstas! I'm average American Joe Salaryman waiter.
- Bart: These prices suck! Ten thousand yen for coleslaw?
- Lisa: Don't you serve anything that's even remotely Japanese?
- Waiter: Don't ask me; I don't know anything! I'm product of American education system. I also build poor-quality cars and inferior-style electronics.
- Homer: (chuckling) Oh, they got our number!
- (After losing their money, the Simpsons work in a fish-processing plant to try to earn their fare home)
- Marge: (cheerfully) Every truckload of fish we gut brings us thirty-one cents closer to those tickets home.
- Bart: And I think I've finally found what I was put on this earth to do. (starts gutting fish) Knife goes in, guts come out. Knife goes in, guts come out.
- (Bart pulls a talking fish out of the pile)
- Fish: Spare my life and I'll give you three wish ... (gets gutted) ...gaah!
- Bart: Knife goes in, guts come out.
- Lisa: Yippee! Time for the company loyalty song!
- (Osaka Seafood Concern Squid appears on TV singing)
- Osaka Seafood Concern Squid: (singing) Knife-a goes in, a-guts come out (stabs itself) that's what Osaka Seafood Concern is all about. (collapses)
- Homer: Well, this sucks; what else is on? (uses eel to change the channel)
- Marge: [gasps] No!
- Homer: しまったばかに！(D'oh!)
- Homer: If I wanted to see Japanese people, I could have gone to the zoo!
- Marge: Homer!
- Homer: What? The man who washes the elephants is Japanese! His name is Takashi. He's in my book club!
- Wink: Mr. Simpson, we'll cut you down as soon as you answer one question about Japan.
- Homer: Is the answer Japan?
- Wink: ...actually, it is. (turns towards the curtains) バカ野郎！誰が答えをやったんだ？(You morons! Who came up with that answer?)
- Lenny: Hey, isn't that Homer in the Japanese channel?
- Moe: If that's Homer then, who the hell's been putting beers on his tab? (they look at Barney, who is disguised as Homer)
- Barney: D'oh! Woohoo! hum... That boy ain't right.