Homer gets roped into coaching the kids's lacrosse team with Milhouse's father, Kirk, who is in desperate need of a friend. When Kirk gets too clingy, Homer vents about how much of a loser he is. Kirk overhears his rant and disappears, right when the team needs him most: the championship game.
The episode starts in early September, with the start of the pee-wee Football season. However, during the opening game, the field was covered with smoke. Unable to see, the kids started bumping into each other, resulting in concussions. After the incident, the people of Springfield try to find a less violent sport for the kids. At first, Kirk Van Houten was having problems getting people's attention, but with Homer's help, he made his suggestion: lacrosse. The Springfieldians approve the idea and tell Kirk to coach the kids, but he says he will only do it if Homer does as well.
The team Kirk and Homer coach wins the first lacrosse match and Homer starts to become fascinated by the sport, and asks Kirk how did he know it. Kirk then says that he was the star at his college's lacrosse team, but he broke his wrist when high-fiving the team's mascot (a man dressed in a medieval armor suit). The next day, Bart and Lisa wake up Homer early in the morning to go on a trip to a tournament in the other town. During the trip, Homer realizes that Kirk was trying to get too intimate.
After the tournament wins another game, Kirk tries to take Homer to a strip club. Homer tries to make a clear point to Kirk that he doesn't want to hang out with him, but is unable because the kids are happy. Back in Springfield, Kirk and Homer sing about their friendship, but Kirk overhears Homer saying that he only pretended to like him and resigns as a coach two hours before a game with Capital City.
At the pregame rally, the town finds out that Kirk is missing, and the last time he was seen was when he was singing about his friend. Homer gets nervous and assumes that Kirk is at a strip club. There, he gets distracted with chicken wings, but overhears some girls mentioning that Kirk is at the campaign room. Homer convinces Kirk to go back to the game, but he still owes fifteen thousand dollars to the strip club.
They try to escape, but there's no way out with all the exits blocked. The strippers discover that Homer and Kirk are trying to help their kids and help them escape with a helicopter. The kids win another match but during the celebration, Homer and Kirk hi-five, breaking each others wrists and staying together in a hospital room.