|There's No Disgrace Like Home||
- Marge: I don't want to alarm anyone, but I think there's a little al-key-hol in this punch.
- Mr. Burns: [Seeing a son kiss his father on the cheek] Ahh. That's the kind of family unity I like to see. Smithers, get that man's name. I predict big things for him down at the power plant.
- Homer: Quick, Bart, give me a kiss.
- Bart: Kiss you? But, Dad, I'm your kid!
- Homer: Bart, please. Five bucks for a kiss.
- Homer: I'm sorry, Marge, but sometimes I think we're the worst family in town.
- Marge: Well, maybe we should move to a larger community.
- Homer: D'oh!
- (The Simpsons peer through a dining room window, watching another family happily eating dinner together.)
- Homer: Look at that, kids! No fighting, no yelling.
- Bart: No belching.
- Lisa: That dad has a shirt on!
- Marge: Look, napkins!
- Bart: These people are obviously freaks.
- Homer: [saying grace] You're everywhere, you're omnivorous.
- [The Simpsons watch a family converse.]
- Boy: Papa, I think I heard some rusting in the bushes!
- Grandfather: I did, too. Better get the gun.
- [The boy walks into another room.]
- Lisa: Where's he going?
- Homer: Probably to get the old man his pipe and slippers.
- [The grandfather cocks and fires his gun, causing the Simpsons to scream. The Simpsons runs away and continues to scream]
- [The Simpsons approach a house. Bart and Homer are unaware that it's theirs.]
- Bart: Whoa, look at this place! What a dump!
- Homer: It's worse than you think. [laughs] I just trampled this poor sap's flowerbed.
- Marge: Homer, this is our house!
- Homer: D'augh!
- Barney: You got crummy little kids that nobody can control.
- Homer: You can't talk that way about my kids...or at least two of them.
- Barney: Why? You got two I haven't met?
- Homer: Why you! [punches Barney] Here's five you haven't met!
- Father: You better shut your big yap!
- Mother: No, you shut up!
- Father: No, you shut up!
- Mother: No, you shut up!
- Father: Oh, shut up!
- Mother: You shut up!
- Father: Shut up!
- Mother: Shut up!
- Son: Why don't you both shut up?
- Homer: The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle. They're on TV!
- [Homer flaunts his $250 to the receptionist]
- Bart: If you really want to impress her, show her the big, empty space where our TV used to be.
- Homer: Bart!
- Dr. Monroe: Hello, I'm Dr. Marvin Monroe. No doubt you'll recognize me from TV.
- Lisa: We would if we had one.
- Homer: Lisa!
- Dr. Monroe: [to Homer] If you had been paying attention, perhaps you would have noticed that your family sees you as a rather stern authority figure, an ogre, if you will.
- Marge: Now, doctor, that's not true.
- Lisa: Ogre is such a strong word.
- Bart: Right on, doc! Another successful diagnosis!
- Homer: [preparing to strike Bart with a lamp] That does it!
- [After Bart shocks Homer, Homer does so to him, and Bart then shocks Lisa.]
- Marge: Bart, how could you shock your little sister?
- Bart: My finger slipped. [gets shocked by Lisa]
- Lisa: So did mine!
- [Bart shocks Lisa again, and she retaliates.]
- Marge: Bart, Lisa, stop that! [She electrocutes them both, and the five begin shocking each other as Dr. Monroe tries fruitlessly to intervene. Soon, the constant electrocutions cause rolling blackouts all over town.]
- Smithers: Oh boy, someone's really gobbling up the juice, sir.
- Mr. Burns: Excellent, excellent! Perhaps this energy conservation fad is as dead as the dodo.
- Mr. Burns: This must be, uh, Brat.
- Bart: Bart.
- Homer: Don't correct the man, Brat.
- Dr. Monroe: You want to kill each other. That's good; that's healthy.
|◄ Shorts: Season 3||Season 1 Quotes||Season 2 ►|
| Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire •
Bart the Genius • Homer's Odyssey • There's No Disgrace Like Home • Bart the General • Moaning Lisa • The Call of the Simpsons • The Telltale Head • Life on the Fast Lane • Homer's Night Out • The Crepes of Wrath • Krusty Gets Busted • Some Enchanted Evening