Simpsons Wiki
Register
Advertisement
Episode
References
Gags
Appearances
Gallery
Quotes
Credits
ā—„ Smart and Smarter
The Ziff Who Came to Dinner
Co-Dependent's Day ā–ŗ
Artie: Doesn't your father ever read to you?
Lisa: He tried once, but he got confused and thought the book was real. He's still searching for that chocolate factory. It consumes him.

Groundskeeper Willie: I lost all my "screw you" money!
Principal Skinner: I'm very sorry to hear that, Willie.
Groundskeeper Willie: Screw you!

Lisa: Mom, Dad, I love you. Maggie, you can have my books. And Bart, I'll see you in hell, you booger-eating wuss! That's right, we all know!

Marge: (to Artie) You only care about yourself.
Artie: Don't be ridiculous. I care about more than just moi.
(In Artie's daydream)
Artie look-alike can-can dancers: Artie! Artie! Artie! Artie! Artie! Artie!
Artie look-alike audience members: Ziff! Ziff! Ziff! Ziff! Ziff! Ziff! Ziff!
(The dancers clap and laugh and the daydream ends)
Artie: Oh, dear God. She's right.

Guard: (to Homer) Sorry you were wrongfully imprisoned, Simpson.
Homer: Can I apply my time toward a future crime?
Guard: You can either steal a car or kick me in the crotch. (Homer kicks him in the crotch) Uhhh, no one ever chooses the car.

Homer: Don't tell my kids I'm going to jail! Tell them I joined the Blue Man Group! I'm the fat one!

(The Not So Final Fate of Artie Ziff)
Marge: Artie Ziff?
Homer: I thought we killed him!
Marge: No, we didn't.
Homer: But I did delete him from my bulk e-mail list!
Marge: No, you didn't.
Artie: That's right. Twice a week, I get your e-mail of the monkey peeing in his own mouth.
Homer: Oh yeah. Heh heh. That monkey got America through some tough times.

Bart: Daddy's on fire. Daddy's not on fire. Daddy's on fire. Daddy's not on fire. Daddy's on fire...
Marge: (grabs book from Bart) Daddy's not on fire!
Maggie: (cries)
Marge: Okay, fine, he is. (reopens book)
Maggie: (giggles and claps her hands happily)

(Homer gets out of jail)
Lisa: Oh, dad (Hugs him) I missed you so much!
Homer: (Surprised) Oh my God! Maggie you're talking!
Ziff: Homer, I believe that's Lisa.
Homer: (To Ziff) Oh Bart, what a man you become!


ā—„ Season 14 Season 15 Quotes Season 16 ā–ŗ
Treehouse of Horror XIV ā€¢ My Mother the Carjacker ā€¢ The President Wore Pearls ā€¢ The Regina Monologues ā€¢ The Fat and the Furriest ā€¢ Today, I Am a Clown ā€¢ 'Tis the Fifteenth Season ā€¢ Marge vs. Singles, Seniors, Childless Couples and Teens and Gays ā€¢ I, D'oh-Bot ā€¢ Diatribe of a Mad Housewife ā€¢ Margical History Tour ā€¢ Milhouse Doesn't Live Here Anymore ā€¢ Smart and Smarter ā€¢ The Ziff Who Came to Dinner ā€¢ Co-Dependent's Day ā€¢ The Wandering Juvie ā€¢ My Big Fat Geek Wedding ā€¢ Catch 'Em if You Can ā€¢ Simple Simpson ā€¢ The Way We Weren't ā€¢ Bart-Mangled Banner ā€¢ Fraudcast News
Advertisement