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The Ziff Who Came to Dinner/Quotes

< The Ziff Who Came to Dinner

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Smart and Smarter
The Ziff Who Came to Dinner
Co-Dependent's Day
Artie: Doesn't your father ever read to you?
Lisa: He tried once, but he got confused and thought the book was real. He's still searching for that chocolate factory. It consumes him.

Groundskeeper Willie: I lost all my "screw you" money!
Principal Skinner: I'm very sorry to hear that, Willie.
Groundskeeper Willie: Screw you!

Lisa: Mom, Dad, I love you. Maggie, you can have my books. And Bart, I'll see you in hell, you booger-eating wuss! That's right, we all know!

Marge: (to Artie) You only care about yourself.
Artie: Don't be ridiculous. I care about more than just moi.
(In Artie's daydream)
Artie look-alike can-can dancers: Artie! Artie! Artie! Artie! Artie! Artie!
Artie look-alike audience members: Ziff! Ziff! Ziff! Ziff! Ziff! Ziff! Ziff!
(The dancers clap and laugh and the daydream ends)
Artie: Oh, dear God. She's right.

Guard: (to Homer) Sorry you were wrongfully imprisoned, Simpson.
Homer: Can I apply my time toward a future crime?
Guard: You can either steal a car or kick me in the crotch. (Homer kicks him in the crotch) Uhhh, no one ever picks the car.

Homer: Don't tell my kids I'm going to jail! Tell them I joined the Blue Man Group! I'm the fat one!

(The Not So Final Fate of Artie Ziff)
Marge: Artie Ziff?!
Homer: I thought we killed him!
Marge: No, we didn't.
Homer: But I did delete him from my bulk e-mail list!
Marge: No, you didn't.
Artie: That's right. Twice a week, I get your e-mail of the monkey peeing in his own mouth.
Homer: Oh yeah. Heh heh. That monkey got America through some tough times.

(Homer gets out of jail)
Lisa: Oh, dad (Hugs him) I missed you so much!
Homer: (Surprised) Oh my God! Maggie you're talking!
Ziff: Homer, I believe that's Lisa.
Homer: (To Ziff) Oh Bart, what a man you become!


Season 14 Season 15 Quotes Season 16
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