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|| The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace
- Homer: They won't let me in the big people library downtown. There was some...unpleasantness. I can never go back.
- Marge: I brought you a tuna sandwich. They say it's brain food. I guess because there's so much dolphin in it, and you know how smart they are.
- (Homer, when he realizes that Thomas Edison was the one who invented the chair with hinged legs)
- Homer: Oh, damn it!
- (Bart, visiting Homer in the basement)
- Bart: Hey Dad, heard you swearin'. Mind if I join in? Crap, boobs, crap!
- (Kent Brockman, delivering his nightly broadcast)
- Kent: Authorities say the phony Pope can be recognized by his high-top sneakers and incredibly foul mouth.
- Homer: Marge, that's it! That's why I haven't done anything with my life! I need to be more like Thomas Edison!
- Marge: Whatever.
- Homer: And I'm starting right now! No more damn pajamas!
- (Homer gets out of bed, takes off his pajamas, and throws them out the window. Homer stands naked, calling out)
- Homer: From this day forward, I am an inventor!
- (A man walking his dog calls up to Homer)
- Man: Do us a favor. Invent yourself some underpants.
- (Homer sits at a card table in the basement, smoking a cigar, trying to think of inventions)
- Lisa: You started smoking, Dad?
- Homer: Yes, Thomas Edison smoked several cigars a day.
- (Bart holds up Homer's empty notepad)
- Bart: Yeah, he invented stuff, too.
- Homer: Shut up.
- Homer: That's boring. You're boring everybody! Quit boring everyone!