Homer: Pffft, English. Who needs that. I'm never going to England.
Barney: [school bell rings] Oh no, we're late for wood shop!
Homer: But... we're early for lunch! Let's go grab a burger.
Barney: Boy, you never stop eating and you never gain a pound.
Homer: It's my metabomolism. I guess I'm just one of the lucky ones.
Marge: The first step to liberation is to free ourselves from these male-imposed shackles! [lights a bra; it burns up]
Kim: I didn't think it would burn so fast.
Marge: Mm, I guess it's the tissue paper inside.
Barney: Hey, Estelle? Will you go to the prom with me?
Estelle: I wouldn't go to the prom with you if you were Elliot Gould!
Barney: Oh, shot down again.
Homer: So, uh, what are you in for?
Marge: I'm a political prisoner. Last time I ever take a stand...
Homer: Well, I'm here for being me. Every day, I show up, act like me, and they slap me in here.
Teacher: Simpson, be quiet!
Homer: I haven't seen you in school before.
Teacher: Okay, Simpson.
Teacher: You just bought yourself another day of detention.
Homer: Maybe we should get together sometime.
Teacher: Two days!
Marge: I'm sorry, I don't even know your name.
Homer: I'm Homer
Teacher: Three days!
Teacher: Four days!
Teacher: Five days!
Homer: It was worth it!
Teacher: Six days! Okay, Simpson, to the back of the room!
Homer: Hi, I'm Homer Simpson, I need some guidance, Counselor.
Guidance Counselor: Do you have any plans for after graduation?
Homer: Me? I'm gonna drink a lot of beer and stay out all night.
Homer: My name's Homer Simpson, I'd like to sign up for something.
Mrs. Blumenstein: Well, we have an opening on the debate team.
Homer: Debate, like, arguing?
Mrs. Blumenstein: Yes.
Homer: I'll take THAT, you DINGPOT! Just warming up, Mrs. Blumenstein.
Mrs. Blumenstein: This year's topic is "Resolved: The national speed limit should be lowered to 55 miles per hour."
Homer: 55? That's ridiculous! Sure, it'll save a few lives, but millions will be late!
Mrs. Bloominstein: Homer, would you like to present your rebuttal?
Homer: With pleasure. (Everyone gasps as Homer moons the class.)
(Principal Dondelinger catches Homer and Barney smoking in the bathroom.)
Principal Dondelinger: Well, well, well. If it isn't Homer Simpson and Barney Gumble, Springfield's answer to "Cheech and Chong." Allow me, gentlemen. (grabs their cigarettes and tosses them in the toilet.) You just bought yourselves three days of detention. You know where and when.
Homer: Bart! Pay attention, you may be telling this to your own son if something breaks.
Marge: Maybe I'll wear my hair ... up.
Bart: Get off the edge of your seat. They got married, had kids, and bought a cheap TV, okay?
Mrs. Bouvier: If you pinch your cheeks, they'll glow. A little more, try to break some capillaries, dear.
Marge: Couldn't we use just rouge for this?
Mrs. Bouvier: Ladies pinch. Whores use rouge.
Selma: [when Homer arrives to pick up Marge] Marge's dates get homelier all the time.
Patty: That's what you get when you don't put out.
Artie: Hello, classmates. Instead of voting for some athletic hero or a pretty boy, you have elected me, your intellectual superior, as your king. Good for you.
Limo Driver: Well, where to now, Romeo?
Homer: Inspiration Point.
Limo Driver: Okay, but I'm only paid to drive.
Artie: Marge, I would appreciate it if you didn't tell anybody about my busy hands, not so much for myself, but I am so respected, It would damage the town to hear it. Good night?
Marge: Yeah, right!
Marge: When I got home I realized who I should have gone to the prom with.
Homer: Who? (realizes) Oh.
Marge: My prom date.
Homer: Marge, pour vous.
Marge: Why so glum?
Homer: I've got a problem. As soon as you stop this car, I'm gonna hug you, and kiss you, and then I'll never be able to let you go! (Fades back to the present) And I never have... [Lisa smiles, Bart makes gagging noises]