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The War of the Simpsons |
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- Barney: (to Patty) Hey! You're Homer's sister-in-law, right? I remember you. But I don't remember you being so beau [burp] tiful!
- (She sprays him in the eyes with Mace)
- Barney: Oh, ow, hey! [burp] [cough] Is that a new kind of Mace? It's really painful!
- Bait Shop Clerk: Yep, "General Sherman". They say he's five hundred pounds of bottom-dwelling fury, don't you know. No one knows how old he is, but if you ask me (and most people do), he's hundred years if he's a day.
- Customer: And, uh, no one's ever caught him?
- Bait Shop Clerk: Well, one fella came close. Went by the name of Homer. Seven feet tall he was, with arms like tree trunks. His eyes were like steel, cold, hard. Had a shock of hair, red like the fires of Hell...
- Homer: Mmmm, Horse Doovers...
- Marge: Oh, my. Where are we supposed to get a sitter on such short notice?
- Homer: Oh, dear! If we can't find a babysitter, we can't go! What a kick in the teeth.
- Bart: What do you need a babysitter for? I'm almost ten-and-a-half.
- Lisa: Mom, you wouldn't dare!
- Bart: Don't take that tone with me, young lady, or I'll give you a taste of the back of me hand.
- Homer: No, you don't!
- Homer: Go ahead, General Sherman! Foist your strength, you big ugly catfish! I got a skillet and a stick of butter with your name on it!
ā Season 1 | Season 2 Quotes | Season 3 āŗ |
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Bart Gets an "F" ā¢ Simpson and Delilah ā¢ Treehouse of Horror (aka "The Simpsons Halloween Special") ā¢ Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish ā¢ Dancin' Homer ā¢ Dead Putting Society ā¢ Bart vs. Thanksgiving ā¢ Bart the Daredevil ā¢ Itchy & Scratchy & Marge ā¢ Bart Gets Hit by a Car ā¢ One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish ā¢ The Way We Was ā¢ Homer vs. Lisa and the 8th Commandment ā¢ Principal Charming ā¢ Oh Brother, Where Art Thou? ā¢ Bart's Dog Gets an F ā¢ Old Money ā¢ Brush with Greatness ā¢ Lisa's Substitute ā¢ The War of the Simpsons ā¢ Three Men and a Comic Book ā¢ Blood Feud |