Simpsons Wiki
Register
Advertisement
Episode
References
Gags
Appearances
Gallery
Quotes
Credits
ā—„ Bart Star
The Two Mrs. Nahasapeemapetilons
Lisa the Skeptic ā–ŗ
Apu has ended his date with Elizabeth Hoover. They went to a carnival. Miss Hoover is holding a gigantic stuffed animal.
Elizabeth Hoover: I had a great time at the carnival, Apu. Thank you for winning Wubsy. I had no idea you were such a crack shot.
Apu: All Kwik-E-Mart employees must be skilled with firearms.
Elizabeth Hoover goes inside her home.
Apu: {talking to himself} That was a hard date to top. But we shall see.
Apu drives his car a short distance, from the Hoover residence to the Van Houten residence, which is next door. Luann van Houten emerges.
Luann van Houten: Who is up for some clog dancing?
Apu produces a pair of clogs.
Apu: Why do you not try and stop me!

Apu: The fact that I would stage this ridiculous farce surely proves to you how much I do not want to go through with this arranged marriage.
Apu's Mother: I had no idea how strongly you felt, Apu. Now wipe that smile off your face.... We have a wedding to plan.

Apu: Mother, come on! You know that one out of every 25 arranged marriages ends in divorce!

Lisa: Can I ask you about the dot?
Apu's Mother: What would you like to know?
Lisa: What's the deal with the dot? Can you see out of it?
Bart: Does it change colors when you're ticked off?
Apu's Mother: You tell me.
Bart: Nothing yet.
Apu's Mother: Surely you children are aware of your Brahman heritage?
Bart: As long as you have absolutely no follow-up questions, yes.

Apu: What am I going to do?
Homer: Tell her the truth. You're not ready to get married.
Apu: No, no. You do not know Mother. She will never quit until I am married.
Homer: Then tell her you're already married.
Apu: No. I cannot lie to my mother.
Homer: Then get married. What the hell do you want from me?
Apu: (Talking on the phone) Yes, that is right, Mother. I already got married. Why did not I bother to tell you? Well, uh, the reason is, um... Oh... Well, I guess l... I didn't think you'd understand. Got to go!

Apu: What am I gonna do?
Homer: What's the big problem?
Apu: But don't you see? She is here to meet my wife. (Homer stares blankly) The wife that I told her I had. (Homer stares blankly) I do not have a wife!
Homer: Then maybe you shouldn't have told her you did.

Homer: Moe, what do you recommend for severe depression?
Moe: Booze, booze, and more booze.
Lenny: Nothing like a depressant to chase the blues away.

Homer holds a lottery ticket up to a light and learns that it's a $500 winner.
Homer: Apu, wake up! I wanna buy a Yodel and this lottery ticket. I have this much.
Apu: I'm sorry. You do not have enough for both.
Homer: Oh... oh... oh... oh... Yodel.

Marge: Thanks for helping us out, Reverend. I know you've never performed a Hindu ceremony.
Reverend Lovejoy: Well, Christ is Christ. Plus, I consulted a Hindu website.

Kent Brockman: Our top story: Hunks, and lots of them. And all to raise money for the Springfield Fire Department to buy a fire engine so they can get to fires.
Bart: Lazy bums.
Homer: Yeah! Why don't we buy them mink stoles while we're at it?

Kent Brockman: (referencing the Sea Captain) Come on! He likes sunsets! What more do you want?

Kent Brockman: Our last bachelor likes women who take their clothes off for money. Let's hear it for Moe!

Homer: You know what you could do?
Apu: Shut up.
Homer: You could fake your own death.
Apu: Oh won't you shut up.
Homer: All you need is a car bomb.
Apu: I can't believe you don't shut up!

Apu: Is it me, or do your plans always involve some horrible web of lies?
Homer: It's you.

Marge: So what brings you to America?
Apu's Mother: I have come to see the woman for whom Apu was willing to disgrace his family and spit on his culture.
Marge: Ah. Well, here I am!

Homer: Oh... that Yodel was so good. I wish I was eating it right now. (sees Apu letting his mother out of his car in front of the house) Oh, CRAP! I forgot!
ā—„ Season 8 Season 9 Quotes Season 10 ā–ŗ
The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson ā€¢ The Principal and the Pauper ā€¢ Lisa's Sax ā€¢ Treehouse of Horror VIII ā€¢ The Cartridge Family ā€¢ Bart Star ā€¢ The Two Mrs. Nahasapeemapetilons ā€¢ Lisa the Skeptic ā€¢ Realty Bites ā€¢ Miracle on Evergreen Terrace ā€¢ All Singing, All Dancing ā€¢ Bart Carny ā€¢ The Joy of Sect ā€¢ Das Bus ā€¢ The Last Temptation of Krust ā€¢ Dumbbell Indemnity ā€¢ Lisa the Simpson ā€¢ This Little Wiggy ā€¢ Simpson Tide ā€¢ The Trouble with Trillions ā€¢ Girly Edition ā€¢ Trash of the Titans ā€¢ King of the Hill ā€¢ Lost Our Lisa ā€¢ Natural Born Kissers
Advertisement