All quotes from The Simpsons Wrestling.

Playable Characters

Homer Simpson

  • I'm so mad I could spit flames out of my butt! Arrrgghhh!!
  • You couldn't scare me with the rest of the scariest day of your life if you had an electrified scaring machine.
  • Counseling?! I'll show you some freaking marriage counseling!
  • No use praying, Flanders! God can't save you now!
  • I'll teach you to interrupt me while I'm watching the food channel!
  • You su-diddly-uck, Flanders!
  • Watch me closely, grasshopper, and I will instruct you in the grappellary arts!
  • Urge to kill rising!
  • When I'm done with you, there'll be nothing but pork squeezing!
  • I'm gonna crush you with my super sonic lard bomb!
  • You're going down, clown!
  • Okay, Barn, if I win you owe me a beer. If you win, you owe me two beers.
  • I am so great! I am so great! G-R-A-T-E! I am so great!
  • Homer! Homer! Homer!
  • I am the champion! I am the champion!
  • Woo-hoo! I win! I win and whipped you scream! Mmmmmm..... Whipped scream.
  • I'm so talented. And good-looking.
  • In your face! Woo-hoo!
  • Remember, Marge, winning isn't anything. So please let me win this time.
  • This is gonna be sweet!
  • Why you little! I'll teach you to think!
  • Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?
  • Hey, Smithers! I'm gonna turn you into dork juice, and cram it down Burns' throat! HEY, QUIT SMILING!
  • Nothing personal, Barney, but after I hit you with the Iron Pretzel of Death, you are history!
  • I'll teach you to corrupt my kids! That's MY job, you bozo talented wannabe!
  • Hehe! Look at your face, Red! Looks like somebody beat me to it!
  • In your FACE! WOO-HOO!
  • I'm so good, I could kiss myself! Mwah! Mwah! OWW! Alright, already!
  • Hehe! You're SO lame!
  • Here's your order, Moe!

Marge Simpson

  • This is for all those cute, little, three-eyed fish out there!
  • Now here's my recipe for FOOO YAH!
  • Hmph, teach you to meddle with a Battling Bouvier!
  • Moe, this time I'm going to be doing some hitting on you!
  • There must be some mistake! I'm s'posed to be playing Bingo right now!
  • Now it's time to take out the trash!
  • Jeepers H. Crackers! I feel so LIBERATED!

Bart Simpson

  • Cool! Sibling smackdown!
  • Run while you can! Batrunga, lord of the apes is coming!
  • Eat my shorts!
  • Aw, if only I was a vampire, then you'd REALLY be in trouble!
  • Give up, Burns! There isn't enough room in this town for TWO aspiring overlords!
  • Yeah, I'm looking for Moe, last name Ron!
  • You may be my boyhood idol, but I'm still gonna kick your butt!
  • With you gone, there'll be more beer for Homer!
  • I'm Bart Simpson. Who the hell are you?

Lisa Simpson

  • Hmm, my brains against your brawn... SURRENDER, BART!
  • You're nothing but a wee, timid, cowering beastie, Willie!
  • Beware, Mr. Szyslak, I hit UNDER the belt!
  • Time to punch a few more holes in your "Holier than thou" philosophy!
  • Yeah, yeah, "Resistance is futile", how cliche!
  • Better luck next time, IN YOUR DREAMS!
  • Perhaps you might want to rethink your strategy?
  • I thought I couldn't, but I could, I did, AND I COULD DO IT AGAIN!
  • I feel like (name), if only she wrestled!
  • Eye of the tiger, heart of a champion!

Moe Szyslak

  • Alright, Mr. Goody Two Shoes, it's time for Moe 3:16: where Moe gives Ned a swift kick in the butt!
  • When I get my hands on you, I'm gonna pull out your eyes with a corkscrew!
  • When I get my hands on you, I'm gonna pull out your eyes, and shove em down your pants, uh, so you can watch while I'm kicking your butt!
  • Aw, Marge, this is no place for a lady, so I'm just gonna toss your butt outta here.
  • Your show, it's not funny! All right, maybe a little funny, ALL RIGHT! I watch it every day, but I'm STILL gonna be kicking your butt!
  • Hey, Mr. Burns! I just got elected chairman of the board! And now I'm gonna pund ya with it!
  • Hey, Smithers! Get over here, and say "Yes" to the business end of my boot!
  • Hot damn! The chicks will dig this!
  • I'm normally a tenderhearted guy, but now ya pissed me off!
  • I'm really a sensitive guy, er, when ya get to know me!
  • Gloryoski, I won! I really, really won!
  • Aw, ain't they cute? Ya make me just wanna vomit all over the place!
  • When I get my hands on you, I'm gonna tie your tentacles into a knot and ship ya off to the planet Slimeball, where ya belong!
  • Teach ya to mess with Moe ya puke!
  • When you get to hell, tell 'em Moe sent ya'll!
  • NOW I'm gonna have ta kill ya!

Apu Nahasapeemapetilon

  • Excuse me while I beat you silly, Mr. Krusty! And please come again!
  • Ah, Mrs. Homer. Can I interest you in a fight to the death?
  • This victory is the one thing you cannot steal from me, you little hoodlum!
  • I am opposed to interrupting your youth, but PREPARE TO MEET YOUR MAKER, YOU CHEESE-EATING MONSTER!
  • How can I hurt the man whose lust for beer and pornography kept me in business that first, difficult year? Oh, well, I'll manage!
  • I am afraid I will have to kill you now.
  • Shiva H. Vishnu! My jubilation knows no bounds!
  • Hello, valued customer! We have a special on beatings today!
  • Thank you for coming! I'll see you in hell!

Groundskeeper Willie

  • Do ya worse! You can't scare Willie!
  • Unfurl the bagpipes, and commence the tootling!
  • Dinnae feel bad about losing. I was wrestling wolves back when ye were at yer mother's teat!
  • There's nary an animal alive that can outrun a greased Scotsman!
  • Ach, go on, the two of ya, before ya make Willie crack a rib!
  • I'm gonna stuff yer head in tha saxophone! This is a mercy killing, I tells ya!
  • Ok, fancy boots! Let's go!
  • NOW Willie's gettin' jiggy with it!
  • Ach, I took care of a whole hive of ya this afternoon. One or two more doesn't make a difference.
  • If it was up to me, I'd let ya go, but the cafeteria served creamed corn today, and I've been drinking like crazy!

Barney Gumble

  • Raaahhhhh! I'm angry now! Arrggghhhh!!! I'm gonna trample you into jelly! Tra-la-la-la-la-da-da!
  • Waaaaaarrgggghhhhh!!!! I'm seeing clowns! MUST KILL CLOWNS!!!
  • Hey, I know you! You're Krunchy the Clown! I hate you!
  • Alright! A local boy!
  • There's not enough beer in this town for the both of us. You must die!
  • Kill Moe! Get all the beer!
  • Can you do that water into wine trick? No wait, water into beer! Or I'll KILL YOU!
  • I'm gonna stretch you like a rubber band and play Danny Boy on your tonsils!
  • Hey, you're one of the Seven Duffs! Gimme a beer.
  • Hey, you're one of the Seven Duffs! Where's my free beer?!
  • Another victory for the Drunkinator!
  • When the going gets tough, drink Duff!
  • Maybe now I can finally be able to wrestle Duffman!
  • All right! Ugh, I think I'm gonna puke...
  • Ugh, I could really use a beer!
  • Here comes the beer train!
  • It's jerks like YOU who drink all the beer and kiss all the ladies! Hey, who ARE you??
  • It's time for Barney's super airplane spin! It makes me puke, but it's effective!
  • Hold still, all of you!
  • Now that's what I call fun!
  • ABDUCTED BY ALIENS?! Not again...
  • Uh, hey! It's Santa Claus!!
  • Your big brain is no match for my Duff-preserved reflexes!!
  • Uhhh, you get that radiation away from me! I'm saving my liver for psoriasis!

Professor Frink

  • Finally, we shall answer the question that has plagued mankind for centuries: GOD OR SCIENCE!
  • Give up, Burnsie! My patented cryogenic chamber is your best shot at seeing the 22nd century!
  • Run along, little girl! You can't POSSIBLY be as smart as I am!
  • Yes! YES YES!! Survival of the nerdliest!
  • Professor Frink, Professor Frink, he makes you laugh, he makes you think, he likes to run, and then the thing with the... person...
  • Good LORD this should be easy! According to my calculations, you shouldn't be alive right NOW!
  • There seems to be some mistake, here. I seem to have been put in the ring with a hairless gorilla...
  • Wait a moment! My Frinkatronic mind reader appears to be on the fritz! I'm not picking up a thing!
  • "How am I going to beat you", you ask? Well, it should be obvious to even the most dim-witted individual that I... oh, never mind. BUH HUY!
  • Some nice equipment you have there, buy huy... Relinquish it or die!

Ned Flanders

  • Aw, Marge, you know I can't hit a lady! I suppose, I'll just have to kick ya, instead!
  • Apu, you silly little man! Hinduism is just Satanism with 4 extra arms! Fraid I'll have to kill ya!
  • Oh, you better run before I go all Old Testament on you!
  • Oh, goody! Two fatheads for the price of one! Double the trouble means double the fun!!
  • Well, if money is the root of all evil, then I'm, the gopher who's gonna gnaw that root right off! If ya know what I mean...
  • Heavenly powers comp-diddly-el you!
  • Oh, you're done-diddly-one for!
  • Oh, I'm gonna kill-diddly-ill ya!
  • I told you to turn the other cheek!
  • Thank ya, Lord, for giving the eensiest taste of bloodlust!
  • I'M A MUR-DIDDLY-URDELER!.... Hey, I can live with that!
  • I prayed for your safety, but... a part of really WANTS to see ya get splattered!

Bumblebee Man

  • (Ay yi yi! Your hair is big!)
  • (The fame of the chupacabras does not compare to the fame of Bumblebee Man!)
  • (Your breath alone is reason to destroy you!)
  • (You may be funny, but I am more funny!)
  • (To commemorate my victory, you will give me one Squishee!)
  • (Long live Bumblebee Man!)

Charles Montgomery Burns

  • Smithers, why do they all...hate me so?
  • Hop to it, Smithers! Dispatch that homely troll before I get dyspeptic!
  • OHH, so you actually think you can WIN? EXCELLENT!
  • Come over here, perhaps I can find something to SCALD you with!
  • I'm going to flay you alive, and no court on this Earth would convict me- I'm far too RICH, nyahehehe!
  • I'm going to boil your flesh in a nuclear stew and wear your bones for a necklace!
  • Smithers, you infernal ninny! Reach down the throat and pull out the HEART, you stuporous funker!!
  • This plebian pastime certainly has its rewards!
  • That'll teach you, you jackanape, now GET OUT!!
  • I haven't felt so much pep, since the night I cold-cocked Calvin Coolidge!
  • Why, I feel like a spry, 65 year old again!
  • Muhahah, ahahah, AAAHA-EXCELLENT!
  • Who's your daddy?
  • Ahoy, hoy, lowly mortal! Quit toying with them, Smithers!


  • Hmm, we won't NEED to catch 40 humans if we can bag THIS chunky looking individual...
  • Ned-diddly Flanders! We are your new gods! Bow down before us!!
  • Foolish girl! You are no match for a healthy Rigellian!
  • After we violently humiliate you, we will spray you with rum, so nobody will believe your story!
  • Hmm, your comedic stylings are not unlike (Name), the entertainer, on our own hilarious planet!
  • This winged specimen merits further study. On second thought, let's just pull his wings off!
  • I can't understand you, red one. Speak Rigellian or English at least!
  • Hey, Two Eyes, come and get some!
  • Muhahaha, oh, my, yes!
  • That was like taking crystalluine sucra from a larva!
  • Your planet is doomed! DOOMED, I SAY!!

Krusty the Clown

  • I am smooth in the groove and I have nothing to prove.
  • Now you wouldn't hit a clown, now would ya?
  • Come here, loser. I'm gonna autograph your face with my boot!
  • I'll give you a Krusty-brand butt-kicking! (Laughs)
  • No one makes fun of my costume and gets away with it!
  • Hey, Jumbo, what beer truck did you fall out of?
  • GAH! Now there's a face that needs some makeup!
  • Wa-hoo! Beauty isn't the eye of the beer holder. Whatever that means. Stupid writers.
  • Let's do it, fat boy!
  • Let's do this Moe! I'm not clowning around here!
  • Woa-hoah! Welcome to the inconvenience store, Squishee Boy!
  • Your act stinks! This is your final performance, booby!
  • And now folks, I'm celebrating by going to Krustyland!
  • Another small slick for clown-kind. Thank you! Thank you very much.
  • How's about you leave your husband for a clown like me?
  • I lost 20 poins when you got that yoyo... Now I'm gonna cram it up your TUCHUS!
  • That's how we do it in the Catskills, baby!
  • I like mine with a little mustard on the side!
  • Get ready for a clown-sized boot, KICKING YOUR BUTT!
  • You look like you can take a beating! How about you be my new Sideshow Gumble??
  • You've helped me out before, Bart. Now I need you to take a FALL for me!
  • Now, don't worry, Lisa! Just cover your face and I'll hit you with pies for ten minutes!
  • History is full of hilarious stories about religious beatings. THIS will be a DOOZY!!
  • Who would have ever thought a CLOWN would protect the Earth from devastation?!

Non-Playable Characters

Abraham Simpson

Sideshow Mel

Squeaky-Voiced Teen

Nick Riviera

Lenny Leonard

Cletus Spuckler

  • A haw haw haw! I done did that before!
  • A haw haw haw haw haw...gumption!

Hans Moleman

  • This should prove exciting...

Comic Book Guy

  • I left my Fortress of Solitude for THIS?!

Chief Wiggum

Ralph Wiggum

  • Someone took the roof off that house!
  • My cat's breath smells like cat food!

Timothy Lovejoy

  • If anyone asks, I'm just here to spread the word of God to these wayward wrestlers.
  • This truly is a haven of the damned. (I'm gonna go get some popcorn...)

Nelson Muntz

Kent Brockman

  • Kent Brockman at the Action News Desk... What? The wrestling ring? Must be sweeps week, folks!
  • I can say, without hyperbole, that this is a million times better than boxing!