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The Simpsons Game/Quotes

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< The Simpsons Game

[Homer wakes up from a dream about The Land of Chocolate]
Homer: Not dreaming, not dreaming, not drea- Wha-? Dammit, I was dreaming! Why is life so unfair? All I want is the ability to eat everything in sight and turn into a giant ball! Is that too much to ask?! Damn you, reality!

White Chocolate Rabbit: Excuse me, fatty. You're eating our world!
Homer: Hey! You look like that rabbit thing from that book about a girl named Alice who goes to Wonderland! What was it called? Oh yeah, Snow White in Stupidtown!

[After finding "The Simpsons Game" guide]
Bart: "The Simpsons Game"? The only Simpsons game I can think of is the one where we pretend dad isn't an alcoholic.

[At the Japanese land in Big Super Happy Fun Fun Game]
Homer: Okay, I'm in this stupid Japanese game. But I'm not eating sushi, unless it's covered in chocolate and there's no sushi in it.
Lisa: An ancient Japanese village. I love learning about any culture, except American.

[At Matt Groening's mansion in Five Characters in Search of an Author]
Homer: This mansion is even bigger then the inside of Snoopy's dog house!

Bart: I'm like Spiderman in a Batman costume.

Lisa: No game is safe from an industry that's always changing. Sure "The Simpsons Game" is fun, with its unique upgradable character abilities and its hilarious self-referencial cutscenes, but what about when the Xbox 720 comes out? Or the Playstation 4? No one will want to play us then!

[After Bart and Lisa destroy Mr. Burns' lumbering plant in Lisa the Tree Hugger]
Mr. Burns: All I wanted was to destroy our delicate ecosystem. And this is the thanks I get. [sighs]
Smithers: I'm sorry, sir. Want me to get some goons to rough up Al Gore?
Mr. Burns: I'd like that.
[Smithers pulls his cellphone out]

[Inisde Mayor Quimby's pool]
EA Executive: Congratulations, Quimby. You've made Grand Theft Scratchy Day a tremendous success.
Mayor Quimby: Thank you, [bleep]. Why don't we celebrate with some interns?

[At the game engine in Bargain Bin]
Homer: Oh my god! It's a nerd!
Will Wright: That's right. The nerdiest nerd in all the computerverse! [laughs]
Lisa: Dad! That's Will Wright. Designer of Sim City and The Sims.
Will Wright: Don't forget my biggest flop: Sim Sandwich. It's failure drove me mad. Mad!

[At their spaceship, watching Bart and Lisa talking to Captain McCallister after they defeated the dolphins]
Kodos: They foiled our plot. We must have revenge!
Kang: Revenge!
Kodos: Vengeance!
Kang: Revenge!
Kodos: Payback is ours!
[An oven rings]
Kang: The mini-eggrolls are done.
[They take out a tray of eggrolls and start eating them]
Kodos: Eggrolls!
Kang: Delicious!
Kodos: Hot! Revenge!
Kang: Revenge!
Kodos: Eggrolls!
Kang: Dipping sauce!
Kodos: Eggrolls!
[Slight pause]
Kang: Revenge!

[A video game cartridge opens revealing pixelated versions of the Simpsons]
Homer: Wow. We look so pixely!
Bart: And poorly rendered.
Marge: Which one's supposed to be me?
Lisa: [to Will Wright] Don't destroy them! They may be obsolete but they're still... alive.
8-bit Homer: Help! He's crazy!
8-bit Bart: If he destroys us, we'll never escape from Krusty Island!
8-bit Marge: I'm Marge!
Homer: (to Will Wright) You can't do this!
Will Wright: Of course I can! I'm Will Wright, bitch, and pretty soon when there's a new better Simpsons game than the one you're from, I'll destroy you too!

[After being transported to the game engine]
Marge: Where are we?
Lisa: We're in the game engine. If our life's a video game, then this is the factory where it was made.
Homer: That's ridiculous! I'm not a video game character, I'm a real-life person with dreams and feelings... [He accidentally walks off a ledge and falls, only to reappear next to them again] All right, fine. I'm a video game guy.
Marge: Now can I ask a question? If this is a videogame, where do we put the quarters?

[Lenny and Carl are up a tree watching birds]
Lenny: [A bird chirps] Hey, that sounds like a tree swallow.
Carl: No, it sounds like a yellow crowned heron. [Saw noises] Oh my god! That sounds like a chainsaw!
Lenny: No, that sounds like a buzzsaw. [The tree falls with them on it on a conveyor belt and get trapped under the debris] Hey Carl, why do we fight so much?
Carl: Sometimes I think it's all we have left.

[In live, showing Lard Lad destroying the city]
Kent Brockman: [Being filmed, Homer and Bart run towards Lard Lad and push Kent out of the way. He gets up and chases Homer and Bart] Good evening, Springfield. Kent Brockman here, chasing local imbecile Homer Simpson and his delinquent son Bart, who have picked a fight with an out-of-control Donut Mascot statue. [To Bart] Bart Simpson, are you and your father insane?
Homer: [Grabs the mike] Hi, Lenny, I'm on TV! I said your name on TV - don't tell Carl! Unless he's watching this, in which case: hi, Carl, don't tell Lenny I said your name!
[Homer and Bart continue running and Kent gets in a helicopter]

[In the creator's mansion garden]
Bart: This is it...the home of our creator! I say we smash his face, bust his stuff, and take a leak on his lawn!
Homer: Way ahead of you, boy! [Homer is peeing on the dollar sign-shaped bushes. Bart laughs and does the same while a camera sees them. On his office, the creator is sit on his chair and turns around, revealing he is Matt Groening]
Matt Groening: [sees Homer and Bart through a screen] So they want a war?! Well, then it's a war they'll get! Violet, engage the super toon defense systems!
Violet: Yes, Mister Groening.
Matt Groening: It's "GREY-ning"!
Violet: Are you sure?
Matt Groening: No.
[Homer and Bart arrive to his office]
Bart: I bet you our creator is like a thousand foot Godzilla, with big boobs and he breathes fire snot.
Matt Groening: Think again, your creator is TV's most beloved animation visionary.
Homer: Seth MacFarlane?
Matt Groening: AAAAHH... Say hello to my little friends. [Draws a picture of Bender and Dr. Zoidberg that comes to life.]

[At the Heaven, after defeating God in a Dance Dance Revolution game]
Bart: All right, loser! You stop the destruction of our town and give us some answers, or these save games go in the drink! [shows God's "Infinite MB Memory Card"]
God: NO...my saved games! Stop! I'm on the final boss fight in Oblivion, and I can't start again from the beginning!

(Homer and Bart are fighting the Rigellians)
Homer Simpson: Atta boy! Kill things that are different!
Homer Simpson: Kill them Bart! They are ugly like Patty and Selma combined!

(at the realm of Mr. Dirt in Big Super Happy Fun Fun Game)
Homer Simpson: You got to admit, the Japanese makes a great DVD player.
Mr. Dirt: Irrashamasei, Lisa. That means "Welcome". The Lisa means Lisa.
Mr. Dirt: No offence Mr. Simpson, but I got to destroy you. Sorry.
Mr. Dirt: You're all gonna pay! (when Homer and Lisa attack Comic Book Guy sumos)
Jimbo Jones: Hey lame-wads! Follow me so I can totally stomp your butts!
Jimbo Jones: (after he lost the battle) Way to go Ratachu-lax! (screams in frustration)

(in NeverQuest, Marge is rescuing the hobbits while Homer fights Selmatty)
Marge Simpson: Over here you little idiots!
Marge Simpson: I'm like Gandalf, but sexy.
Homer Simpson: This is like one of these Police Academy movies.

(in NeverQuest, Marge and Homer are in Selmatty's dungeon)
Morc: Hi, I'm Orc Moe and I'm going to kick your ass in every way!
Homer Simpson: You shall not pass! Wind!
Morc: ANGRY BERSERKER ORC MOE!
Homer Simpson: Hey middle-earthies! Eat my sword! Hope that doesn't sound too gay.
Homer Simpson: (in Helium Homer mode) Wow! I'm flying! I wonder if it's science or magic or super farts?
Morc: Uh, I peed my orc diaper.
Homer Simpson: This is for teaching you a lesson for someone who can't watch 5 minutes of Lord of the Rings before falling asleep!

(In NeverQuest, Homer and Marge are in the maze with the overhead view)
Announcer: Save keys to open doors.
Announcer: I like eggs.
Announcer: Homer needs food badly.
Announcer: Marge is about to die.
Announcer: Homer, your health bar is running low.
Homer Simpson: Oh, can't you say something more positive?
Announcer: Homer is about to die.
Homer Simpson: No you're about to die!

(In Shadow of the Colossal Donut, Homer and Bart are fighting miniature Krusty dolls)
Homer Simpson: Ew, tiny bugs dressed like clowns!
Homer Simpson: (in Helium Homer mode) Heeheeheeheeheehee, me floatie!
Homer Simpson: (in Helium Homer mode) Look at me! I'm bloating like a princess!

(in Big Super Happy Fun Fun Game, Homer and Lisa are fighting earth sumos)
Homer Simpson: Dude, get your shirt on!
Lisa Simpson: You're not a very good host!
Lisa Simpson: You're a culture vampire!

(in Big Super Happy Fun Fun Game, Homer and Lisa are in the volcano realm)
Lisa Simpson: I'm sensing some volcanic activity dad.
Homer Simpson: (while fighting the fire sumos) Your breah smells like pumice!

(in Big Super Happy Fun Fun Game, Homer and Lisa are in the glacier realm)
Comic Book Guy Ice Sumo: We're going to flame you! Oh wait, we're ice now. Sorry.
Comic Book Guy Ice Sumo: Here comes the abominable snow nerd!
Comic Book Guy Ice Sumo: The snow.....so beautiful...
Lisa Simpson: I could really go for a daikon radish right now.
Lisa Simpson: (fighting ice sumos) Might be chilly without a shirt on!
Homer Simpson: (fighting ice sumos) Frosty the Snowman kisses your mother!
Ralph Wiggum: It's my turn to play! Yippee!
Ralph Wiggum: I made ice poo!
Ralph Wiggum: Roundhouse Ninja Attack Turtle!
Ralph Wiggum: (after his sparklemon is defeated) Daddy, these two strangers have taken my Sparkle-man! Stranger danger! Stranger danger!

(in Big Super Happy Fun Fun Game, Lisa and Homer are going to the sky realm)
Homer Simpson: Uh, I don't know if I'm going to be air-sick or seasick!
Homer Simpson: (fighting sky sumos) Bring it skyhole.
Homer Simpson: (fighting sky sumos) Sky Sumo! Come out and play!
Homer Simpson: (fighting sky sumos) Is the rain your pee? Let's fight!
Sherri: Oh Lisa, I heard Mr. Dirt has a crush on you!
Milhouse Van Houten: Shut up guys! Jeez!

(in Big Super Happy Fun Fun Game, Lisa and Homer are fighting Sherri and Terri's Dirty Donkey)
Sherri: Terri let you win, she totally had a crush on you.
Terri: Oh my god! (hits Sherri on the elbow) Will you shut up?! I'm serious!
Milhouse Van Houten: Aw, you beat the first one too?! Fine, I'm gonna cry at the Temple of the Four Moons so don't follow me there!

(In Five Characters in Search of an Author, Homer and Bart are fighting Matt Groening's thugs)

Bender: I'm gonna go I-Robot on your asses!
Bender: Exterminate! Exterminate! Exterminate!
Bender: Aw, I broke my hard drive!
Bender: I'm gonna need a sexy robot nurse!
The Simpsons Game
Levels The Land of ChocolateBartman BeginsAround the World in 80 BitesLisa the Tree HuggerMob RulesEnter the CheatrixThe Day of the DolphinShadow of the Colossal DonutInvasion of the Yokel-SnatchersBargain BinNeverQuestGrand Theft ScratchyMedal of HomerBig Super Happy Fun Fun GameFive Characters in Search of an AuthorGame Over
Characters HomerBartLisaMargeMaggieEnemiesWhite Chocolate RabbitWill WrightMatt GroeningGodAbraham Simpson
Powers Homer BallHeli-HomerGumi-HomerBartmanHand of BuddhaMarge's Megaphone
References/TriviaAppearancesCreditsExtrasQuotes
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