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The Principal and the Pauper/Quotes

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The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson
The Principal and the Pauper
Lisa's Sax
Edna Krabappel: Oh, Superintendent Chalmers! Can I offer you a cup of coffee-flavored Bevering?
Superintendent Chalmers: Yeah, I take it gray with Cremium. But first, before Skinner shows up, I have a secret announcement. In honor of Seymour's twentieth year as principal, we've decided to hold a surprise tribute Friday night.
Willie: It's my twentieth year, too.
Chalmers: [rolling his eyes] The teachers' lounge is for teachers, Willie.

Lisa: Ralph and I could do the report together.
Miss Hoover: It's your funeral.

Lisa: So, in 1966, a brave young man named Seymour Skinner enlisted and shipped out to Vietnam where he rose to become platoon sergeant. Ralph?
Ralph: Principal Skinner is an old man who lives at the school. Lisa?
Lisa: Sergeant Skinner was a hero. He risked capture many times behind enemy lines.
Ralph: Teacher made me go to Principal Skinner's office when I was dirty.
Lisa: And, he survived to make it back to Springfield, where he became the fine educator we salute tonight.
Ralph: When I grow up, I want to be a principal or a caterpillar. I love you, Principal Skinner.

Homer: [In his mind, after Skinner says he's a fraud] Keep looking shocked... and move slowly towards the cake.

Skinner/Armin: My real name is... Armin Tamzarian!
[Bart laughs]

Skinner/Armin: They gave me a choice — jail, the army, or apologizing to the judge and the old lady. Now of course, if I knew there was a war going on, I probably would've apologized.

Agnes Skinner: I have no son!
Homer: Look, lady, you obviously have at least one son.
Agnes: No! I have one stranger and one fraud!

Skinner/Armin: So uh, should I sign my original name?
Apu: Just put an "X" and call yourself whatever the hell you want!

Chalmers: Armin Tamzarian's reign of terror is over! Now let us welcome our new principal Skinner... principal Seymour Skinner!... [The audience is confused, he then points to Sgt. Skinner] Uh, him.

Lisa: A Rose by any other name would smell as sweet.
Bart: Not if you called 'em Stenchblossoms.
Homer: Or Crapweeds.
Marge: I'd sure hate to get a dozen Crapweeds for Valentine's Day. I'd rather have candy.
Homer: Not if they were called Scumdrops.

Edna: Hello ladies, is this the line for people who want to badmouth Sergeant Skinner?
Marge: And have 10 items or less.
Edna: [Tossing out items] 12, 11, 10, the man's a weenie!

Homer: Okay, once more. Where are we going?
Edna: To Capital City.
Homer: And why are you and the old lady in the car?
Agnes: We're gonna talk Armin Tamzarian into coming back.
Homer: And why is Marge here?
Marge: I came up with the idea.
Homer: And why am I here?
Marge: Because the streets of Capital City are no place for three unescorted ladies.
Homer: Why are the kids here?
Marge: Because we couldn't find Grandpa to sit for them.
Homer: And why is Grandpa here?
Abe: Because Jasper didn't want to come by himself!
[Jasper looks at Abe]
Homer: Uh, fair enough.

Skinner/Armin: Well from now on, you're gonna see a new Seymour Skinner!
Agnes: Oh no, we won't!
Skinner/Armin: Yes, Mother.

Season 8 Season 9 Quotes Season 10
The City of New York vs. Homer SimpsonThe Principal and the PauperLisa's SaxTreehouse of Horror VIIIThe Cartridge FamilyBart StarThe Two Mrs. NahasapeemapetilonsLisa the SkepticRealty BitesMiracle on Evergreen TerraceAll Singing, All DancingBart CarnyThe Joy of SectDas BusThe Last Temptation of KrustDumbbell IndemnityLisa the SimpsonThis Little WiggySimpson TideThe Trouble with TrillionsGirly EditionTrash of the TitansKing of the HillLost Our LisaNatural Born Kissers

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