Principal Skinner: Oh, come on, Edna! We both know these children have no future!
[A fork drops as the children all look shocked upon Principal Skinner's declaration]
Principal Skinner: [chuckling sheepishly] Prove me wrong, kids. Prove me wrong.
[After explaining to the tourists about the cannon that can goes off if hit in a sight matter]
Female Tour Guide: "For safety reasons, we don't keep the cannon loaded. It's just common sense, people."
[After catching Bart with his megaphone]
Foreman w/Bart's voice: "Hey, can you tell my voice from a ten-year-old? Ay caramba!"
Edna Krabappel: Well, Seymour, because of your penny-pinching, we're coming back from a field trip with the fewest children yet.
Principal Skinner: God bless the man who invented permission slips. [he kisses an armful of them]
Bart: "You know, I heard Skinner say the teachers will crack any minute."
[The teachers spread the message to one another]
Teacher with glasses: "Skinner said the teachers will crack any minute, purple monkey, dishwasher."
Edna: "Well!! We'll show him, especially for that "purple monkey dishwasher" remark!"
Homer: "Lousy teachers trying to palm off our kids on us!"
Lisa: "But, Dad. By striking, they're trying to effect the change in management so that they could be more happier and more productive."
Homer: "Lisa! You don't like your job, you don't strike! You just go in everyday and do it really half assed. That's the American way!"
[Marge and Homer in bed talking about the kids]
Marge: "I'm worried about the kids, Homie. Lisa's becoming very obsessive. This morning, I caught her trying to dissect her own raincoat."
Homer: "Pbbbt. I know. And this perpetual-motion machine she made today is a joke. [eyes the machine] It just keeps going faster and faster."
Marge: [gets out of bed and looks out the window] "And Bart isn't doing very well either. He needs boundaries and structure. There's something about flying a kite at night that's so unwholesome."
Bart: [looks at Marge from outside while flying a kite] "Hello, Mother dear."
Marge: [groans as she shuts the blinds] "That's it! We have to get them back to school."
Homer: I'm with you, Marge. [calls out] Lisa, get in here."
Lisa: [opens the bedroom door] "Uh..."
Homer: In this house, we obey the laws of thermodynamics! [points to the machine]
Jasper: Talkin' out of turn, that's a paddlin'. Lookin' out the window, that's a paddlin'. Starin' at my sandals, that's a paddlin'. Paddlin' the school canoe, oh, you better believe that's a paddlin'.
Abe: "Oh! Oh, um, OK, um, hmm...um, here." [he turns the shaper but Jasper gets pulled further] "D'oh! OK, uh, OK, let's see, um...what if I did this?" [he turns it again, but with the same results] "Um...you're on your own." [Abe leaves]
[Springfield Elementary gym. It has been deserted after the strike announcement, except for one girl hanging on gymnastics rings.]
[Moe is teaching Bart's class during the teachers' strike]
Moe: OK, when I call your name, uh, you say "present" or "here". Er, no, say "present". Ahem, Anita Bath?
[The kids laugh at him]
Moe: Alright, settle down. Anita Bath here?
[the laughing continues]
Moe: Alright, fine, fine. Maya Buttreeks!
[The kids enjoy even more laughter]
Moe: Hey, what are you laughing at? What? Oh, oh, I get it, I get it. It's my big ears, isn't it, Kids? Well, children, I can't help that!
[Moe runs out crying. Bart then crosses Moe's name off a list of substitute teachers. Milhouse is impressed]
Milhouse: Wow, Bart, I'm impressed the way you knocked off all those substitutes.
Bart: In my weaker moments, I almost pity them. Then I just remind myself, they're trying to teach.
[Skinner shows up, furious with Bart's class]
Skinner: Well, children, I don't know what you did to all those substitutes, but it's going to stop now. Leopold?
[Vice Superintendent Leopold walks in and intimidates Bart's class]
Leopold: [bursting in with anger] All right, you listen up, you little freaks! The fun stops here: you're going to shut your stinking traps and behave, dammit! This is one substitute you're not going to screw with!