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ā—„ Two Dozen and One Greyhounds
The PTA Disbands
'Round Springfield ā–ŗ
Principal Skinner: Five dollars a child? Last year it was free!
Ticket agent: [shrugs] Mm. New ownership. [Points out sign]
Sign: DIZ-NEE HISTORICAL PARK. SORRY, BUT THERE'S PROFIT TO BE HAD.
Principal Skinner: Beh--But we don't have that kind of money. In fact, no school can afford--
A double decker bus with "Shelbyville Elementary" arrives. Shelbyville's Principal Valiant departs bus
Principal Valiant: Here's the admission, plus something for you. See that they get a little extra education, would you?
Ticket agent: Yes, sir, Principal Valiant!
Principal Skinner: He thinks he's so hot ever since he swept the Princi Awards. Those things are rigged.

Lunchlady Doris: There's very little meat in these gym mats.

Principal Skinner: Oh, come on, Edna! We both know these children have no future!
[A fork drops as the children all look shocked upon Principal Skinner's declaration]
Principal Skinner: [chuckling sheepishly] Prove me wrong, kids. Prove me wrong.

[After explaining to the tourists about the cannon that can goes off if hit in a sight matter]
Female Tour Guide: For safety reasons, we don't keep the cannon loaded. It's just common sense, people.

[After catching Bart with his megaphone]
Foreman w/Bart's voice: Hey, can you tell my voice from a ten-year-old? Ay caramba!

Edna Krabappel: Well, Seymour, because of your penny-pinching, we're coming back from a field trip with the fewest children yet.
Principal Skinner: God bless the man who invented permission slips. [he kisses an armful of them]

Bart: You know, I heard Skinner say the teachers will crack any minute.
[The teachers spread the message to one another]
Teacher with glasses: Skinner said the teachers will crack any minute, purple monkey, dishwasher.
Edna: Well!! We'll show him, especially for that "purple monkey dishwasher" remark!

Homer: Lousy teachers trying to palm off our kids on us!
Lisa: But, Dad. By striking, they're trying to effect the change in management so that they could be more happier and more productive.
Homer: Lisa! You don't like your job, you don't strike! You just go in everyday and do it really half assed. That's the American way!

[Marge and Homer in bed talking about the kids]
Marge: I'm worried about the kids, Homie. Lisa's becoming very obsessive. This morning, I caught her trying to dissect her own raincoat.
Homer: Pbbbt. I know. And this perpetual-motion machine she made today is a joke. [eyes the machine] It just keeps going faster and faster.
Marge: [gets out of bed and looks out the window] And Bart isn't doing very well either. He needs boundaries and structure. There's something about flying a kite at night that's so unwholesome.
Bart: [looks at Marge from outside while flying a kite] Hello, Mother dear.
Marge: [groans as she shuts the blinds] That's it! We have to get them back to school.
Homer: I'm with you, Marge. [calls out] Lisa, get in here.
Lisa: [opens the bedroom door] Uh...
Homer: In this house, we obey the laws of thermodynamics! [points to the machine]

Jasper: Talkin' out of turn, that's a paddlin'. Lookin' out the window, that's a paddlin'. Starin' at my sandals, that's a paddlin'. Paddlin' the school canoe, oh, you better believe that's a paddlin'.

Abe: Oh! Oh, um, OK, um, hmm... um, here. [he turns the shaper but Jasper gets pulled further] D'oh! OK, uh, OK, let's see, um... what if I did this? [he turns it again, but with the same results] Um... you're on your own. [Abe leaves]

[Springfield Elementary gym. It has been deserted after the strike announcement, except for one girl hanging on gymnastics rings.]
Girl: Helloooo? Mrs. Pommelhorse? I'd like to get down now...

[Moe is teaching Bart's class during the teachers' strike]
Moe: OK, when I call your name, uh, you say "present" or "here". Er, no, say "present". Ahem, Anita Bath?
[The kids laugh at him]
Moe: Alright, settle down. Anita Bath here?
[the laughing continues]
Moe: Alright, fine, fine. Maya Buttreeks!
[The kids enjoy even more laughter]
Moe: Hey, what are you laughing at? What? Oh, oh, I get it, I get it. It's my big ears, isn't it, Kids? Well, children, I can't help that!
[Moe runs out crying. Bart then crosses Moe's name off a list of substitute teachers. Milhouse is impressed]
Milhouse: Wow, Bart, I'm impressed the way you knocked off all those substitutes.
Bart: In my weaker moments, I almost pity them. Then I just remind myself, they're trying to teach.

[Skinner shows up, furious with Bart's class]
Skinner: Well, children, I don't know what you did to all those substitutes, but it's going to stop now. Leopold?
[Vice Superintendent Leopold walks in and intimidates Bart's class]
Leopold: [bursting in with anger] All right, you listen up, you little freaks! The fun stops here: you're going to shut your stinking traps and behave, dammit! This is one substitute you're not going to screw with!
[Martin and Wendell swallow uncomfortably]
Leopold: [Politely] Marge Simpson!
[Marge happily walks in and Bart swallows uncomfortably.]
Marge: Hi, class! Hi Bart... over here, sweetie. It's me, Mom. Hi! Hey! Hello?
[Bart groans in embarrassment as his class (save for Milhouse) laughs at him.]


ā—„ Season 5 Season 6 Quotes Season 7 ā–ŗ
Bart of Darkness ā€¢ Lisa's Rival ā€¢ Another Simpsons Clip Show ā€¢ Itchy & Scratchy Land ā€¢ Sideshow Bob Roberts ā€¢ Treehouse of Horror V ā€¢ Bart's Girlfriend ā€¢ Lisa on Ice ā€¢ Homer Badman ā€¢ Grampa vs. Sexual Inadequacy ā€¢ Fear of Flying ā€¢ Homer the Great ā€¢ And Maggie Makes Three ā€¢ Bart's Comet ā€¢ Homie the Clown ā€¢ Bart vs. Australia ā€¢ Homer vs. Patty and Selma ā€¢ A Star is Burns ā€¢ Lisa's Wedding ā€¢ Two Dozen and One Greyhounds ā€¢ The PTA Disbands ā€¢ 'Round Springfield ā€¢ The Springfield Connection ā€¢ Lemon of Troy ā€¢ Who Shot Mr. Burns? (Part One)
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