|The PTA Disbands||
- Principal Skinner: "Five dollars a child? Last year it was free!"
- Ticket agent: [shrugs] "Mm. New ownership." [Points out sign]
- Sign: DIZ-NEE HISTORICAL PARK. SORRY, BUT THERE'S PROFIT TO BE HAD.
- Principal Skinner: "Beh--But we don't have that kind of money. In fact, no school can afford--"
- A double decker bus with "Shelbyville Elementary" arrives. Shelbyville's Principal Valiant departs bus
- Principal Valiant: "Here's the admission, plus something for you. See that they get a little extra education, would you?"
- Ticket agent: Yes, sir, Principal Valiant!
- Principal Skinner: "He thinks he's so hot ever since he swept the Princi Awards. Those things are rigged."
- Lunchlady Doris: There's very little meat in these gym mats.
- Principal Skinner: Oh, come on, Edna! We both know these children have no future!
- [A fork drops as the children all look shocked upon Principal Skinner's declaration]
- Principal Skinner: [chuckling sheepishly] Prove me wrong, kids. Prove me wrong.
- [After explaining to the tourists about the cannon that can goes off if hit in a sight matter]
- Female Tour Guide: "For safety reasons, we don't keep the cannon loaded. It's just common sense, people."
- [After catching Bart with his megaphone]
- Foreman w/Bart's voice: "Hey, can you tell my voice from a ten-year-old? Ay caramba!"
- Edna Krabappel: Well, Seymour, because of your penny-pinching, we're coming back from a field trip with the fewest children yet.
- Principal Skinner: God bless the man who invented permission slips. [he kisses an armful of them]
- Bart: "You know, I heard Skinner say the teachers will crack any minute."
- [The teachers spread the message to one another]
- Teacher with glasses: "Skinner said the teachers will crack any minute, purple monkey, dishwasher."
- Edna: "Well!! We'll show him, especially for that "purple monkey dishwasher" remark!"
- Homer: "Lousy teachers trying to palm off our kids on us!"
- Lisa: "But, Dad. By striking, they're trying to effect the change in management so that they could be more happier and more productive."
- Homer: "Lisa! You don't like your job, you don't strike! You just go in everyday and do it really half assed. That's the American way!"
- [Marge and Homer in bed talking about the kids]
- Marge: "I'm worried about the kids, Homie. Lisa's becoming very obsessive. This morning, I caught her trying to dissect her own raincoat."
- Homer: "Pbbbt. I know. And this perpetual-motion machine she made today is a joke. [eyes the machine] It just keeps going faster and faster."
- Marge: [gets out of bed and looks out the window] "And Bart isn't doing very well either. He needs boundaries and structure. There's something about flying a kite at night that's so unwholesome."
- Bart: [looks at Marge from outside while flying a kite] "Hello, Mother dear."
- Marge: [groans as she shuts the blinds] "That's it! We have to get them back to school."
- Homer: I'm with you, Marge. [calls out] Lisa, get in here."
- Lisa: [opens the bedroom door] "Uh..."
- Homer: In this house, we obey the laws of thermodynamics! [points to the machine]
- Jasper: Talkin' out of turn, that's a paddlin'. Lookin' out the window, that's a paddlin'. Starin' at my sandals, that's a paddlin'. Paddlin' the school canoe, oh, you better believe that's a paddlin'.
- Abe: "Oh! Oh, um, OK, um, hmm...um, here." [he turns the shaper but Jasper gets pulled further] "D'oh! OK, uh, OK, let's see, um...what if I did this?" [he turns it again, but with the same results] "Um...you're on your own." [Abe leaves]
- [Springfield Elementary gym. It has been deserted after the strike announcement, except for one girl hanging on gymnastics rings.]
- Girl: Helloooo? Mrs. Pommelhorse? I'd like to get down now...
- [Moe is teaching Bart's class during the teachers' strike]
- Moe: OK, when I call your name, uh, you say "present" or "here". Er, no, say "present". Ahem, Anita Bath?
- [The kids laugh at him]
- Moe: Alright, settle down. Anita Bath here?
- [the laughing continues]
- Moe: Alright, fine, fine. Maya Buttreeks!
- [The kids enjoy even more laughter]
- Moe: Hey, what are you laughing at? What? Oh, oh, I get it, I get it. It's my big ears, isn't it, Kids? Well, children, I can't help that!
- [Moe runs out crying. Bart then crosses Moe's name off a list of substitute teachers. Milhouse is impressed]
- Milhouse: Wow, Bart, I'm impressed the way you knocked off all those substitutes.
- Bart: In my weaker moments, I almost pity them. Then I just remind myself, they're trying to teach.
- [Skinner shows up, furious with Bart's class]
- Skinner: Well, children, I don't know what you did to all those substitutes, but it's going to stop now. Leopold?
- [Vice Superintendent Leopold walks in and intimidates Bart's class]
- Leopold: [bursting in with anger] All right, you listen up, you little freaks! The fun stops here: you're going to shut your stinking traps and behave, dammit! This is one substitute you're not going to screw with!
- [Martin and Wendell swallow uncomfortably]
- Leopold: [Politely] Marge Simpson!
- [Marge happily walks in and Bart swallows uncomfortably.]
- Marge: Hi, class! Hi Bart...over here, sweetie. It's me, Mom. Hi! Hey! Hello?
- [Bart groans in embarrassment as his class (save for Milhouse) laughs at him.]