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|The PTA Disbands||
- Principal Skinner: "Five dollars a child? Last year it was free!"
- Ticket agent: [shrugs] "Mm. New ownership." [Points out sign]
- Sign: DIZ-NEE HISTORICAL PARK. SORRY, BUT THERE'S PROFIT TO BE HAD.
- Principal Skinner: "Beh--But we don't have that kind of money. In fact, no school can afford--"
- A double decker bus with "Shelbyville Elementary" arrives. Shelbyville's Principal Valiant departs bus
- Principal Valiant: "Here's the admission, plus something for you. See that they get a little extra education, would you?"
- Ticket agent: Yes, sir, Principal Valiant!
- Principal Skinner: "He thinks he's so hot ever since he swept the Princi Awards. Those things are rigged."
- Lunchlady Doris: There's very little meat in these gym mats.
- Principal Skinner: Oh, come on, Edna! We both know these children have no future!
[A fork drops as the children all look shocked upon Principal Skinner's declaration]
- Principal Skinner: [chuckling sheepishly] Prove me wrong, kids. Prove me wrong.
After explaining to the tourists about the cannon that can goes off if hit in a sight matter
- Female Tour Guide: "For safety reasons, we don't keep the cannon loaded. It's just common sense, people."
After catching Bart with his megaphone
- Edna Krabappel: Well, Seymour, because of your penny-pinching, we're coming back from a field trip with the fewest children yet.
- Principal Skinner: God bless the man who invented permission slips. [he kisses an armful of them]
- Bart: "You know, I heard Skinner say the teachers will crack any minute."
- [The teachers spread the message to one another]
- Teacher with glasses: "Skinner said the teachers will crack any minute, purple monkey, dishwasher."
- Edna: "Well!! We'll show him, especially for that "purple monkey dishwasher" remark!"
- Homer: "Lousy teachers trying to palm off our kids on us!"
- Lisa: "But, Dad. By striking, they're trying to effect the change in management so that they could be more happier and more productive."
- Homer: "Lisa! You don't like your job, you don't strike! You just go in everyday and do it really half assed. That's the American way!"
Marge and Homer in bed talking about the kids.
- Marge: "I'm worried about the kids, Homie. Lisa's becoming very obsessive. This morning, I caught her trying to dissect her own raincoat."
- Homer: "Pbbbt. I know. And this perpetual-motion machine she made today is a joke. [eyes the machine] It just keeps going faster and faster."
- Marge: [gets out of bed and looks out the window] "And Bart isn't doing very well either. He needs boundaries and structure. There's something about flying a kite at night that's so unwholesome."
- Bart: [looks at Marge from outside while flying a kite] "Hello, Mother dear."
- Marge: [groans as she shuts the blinds] "That's it! We have to get them back to school."
- Homer: I'm with you, Marge. [calls out] Lisa, get in here."
- Lisa: [opens the bedroom door] "Uh..."
- Homer: In this house, we obey the laws of thermodynamics! [points to the machine]
- Jasper: Talkin' out of turn, that's a paddlin'. Lookin' out the window, that's a paddlin'. Starin' at my sandals, that's a paddlin'. Paddlin' the school canoe, oh, you better believe that's a paddlin'.
- Abe: "Oh! Oh, um, OK, um, hmm...um, here." [he turns the shaper but Jasper gets pulled further] "D'oh! OK, uh, OK, let's see, um...what if I did this?" [he turns it again, but with the same results] "Um...you're on your own." [Abe leaves]
[Springfield Elementary gym. It has been deserted after the strike announcement, except for one girl hanging on gymnastics rings.]
- Girl: Helloooo? Mrs. Pommelhorse? I'd like to get down now...
[Moe is teaching Bart's class during the teachers' strike]
- Moe: OK, when I call your name, uh, you say "present" or "here". Er, no, say "present". Ahem, Anita Bath?
[The kids laugh at him]
- Moe: Alright, settle down. Anita Bath here?
[the laughing continues]
- Moe: Alright, fine, fine. Maya Buttreeks!
[The kids enjoy even more laughter]
- Moe: Hey, what are you laughing at? What? Oh, oh, I get it, I get it. It's my big ears, isn't it, Kids? Well, children, I can't help that!
[Moe runs out crying. Bart then crosses Moe's name off a list of substitute teachers. Milhouse is impressed]
- Milhouse: Wow, Bart, I'm impressed the way you knocked off all those substitutes.
- Bart: In my weaker moments, I almost pity them. Then I just remind myself, they're trying to teach.
[Skinner shows up, furious with Bart's class]
- Skinner: Well, children, I don't know what you did to all those substitutes, but it's going to stop now. Leopold?
[Vice Superintendent Leopold walks in and intimidates Bart's class]
- Leopold: [bursting in with anger] All right, you listen up, you little freaks! The fun stops here: you're going to shut your stinking traps and behave, dammit! This is one substitute you're not going to screw with!
[Martin and Wendell swallow uncomfortably]
- Leopold: [Politely] Marge Simpson!
[Marge happily walks in and Bart swallows uncomfortably.]
- Marge: Hi, class! Hi Bart...over here, sweetie. It's me, Mom. Hi! Hey! Hello?
[Bart groans in embarrassment as his class (save for Milhouse) laughs at him.]