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The Otto Show |
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D'oh! | There are some missing quotes in this article or section. You can help the wiki by embiggening it. |
- Homer: I went to thousands of heavy metal concerts and it never hurt me.
- (Marge's voice has been drowned out by a prolonged beep)
- Homer: I hear you. come on boy!
- Skinner: Let me in! Let me IN!
- Ralph: He steps on the clutch, and the toilet goes flush! Hail to the--
- Skinner: SHUT UP!!!
- (Otto's residence. He cannot open his front door, oblivious to his surrounding.)
- Sign: EVICTION NOTICE. You are ordered to vacate the premises immediately.
- Otto: Hey landlord, some clown changed my locks, padlocked the door and put up an eviction notice.
- Landlord: Yeah, that was me.
- Otto: You? But, why?
- Landlord: Because you haven't paid your rent.
- Otto: Well, can I at least get my stuff?
- Landlord: All I found in there was a jar of mustard and a couple of old Psycho magazines.
- Otto: (astonished) Wow... I had mustard?
- Marge: Otto, you can't watch TV all day.
- Otto: You're right. I should do some reading. You got any "Where's Waldo" books?
- Marge: No.
- Otto: A book from a vampireās point of view?
- Marge: No.
- Otto: Anything where guys send in naked pictures of their chicks?
- Marge: Otto, I think you should get a job.
- Otto: The only job I was good at was driving a bus, and now "the man" says I need a piece of paper to do that.
- (Otto starts playing guitar loudly.)
- Homer: Will you knock it off!? I can't hear myself think.
(Otto stops.)
- Homer's Head: I want some peanuts.
- Homer: That's better.
- Patty: My name is Patty. I will be testing you. When you're doing good, I use the green pen. When you're doing bad I use the red pen. Any questions?
- Otto: Yeah, one. Have you always been a chick? I don't want to offend you but were you were born a man? You can tell me, I'm open minded.
- Patty drops green pen.
- Patty: I won't be needing this.
- Homer: Of course I'm not mad. If something's hard to do, then it's not worth doing!
- Homer: All right, he can stay. But I get to treat him like garbage.
- Otto: Wow! What's the catch?
- Bart: Mom, I thought you might forget our little conversation this afternoon, so I took the precaution of recording it.
- Marge: What conversation?
- Bart: (on tape) Mom, can Otto live in our garage for as long as he wants? (impression of Marge) He sure can!
- Homer: Marge! What were you thinking?
- Marge: That's not my voice!
- Homer: Oh, everybody says that when they hear themselves on tape.
- Marge: I know we didn't ask for this Homer, but doesn't the Bible say "Whatsoever you do unto the least of my children, that which you do unto Me?"
- Homer: Yes, but doesn't the bible also say "Thou shalt not...take moochers into thy hut."
- Skinner: It's a miracle nobody was hurt.
- Otto: I stand on my record. Fifteen crashes and not a single fatality.
- Homer: Now, boy, we spent a lot of money, so you'd better get real good real fast, or POW!
- Marge: Homer!
- Homer: Hey, I thought I was supposed to encourage him.
- (Principal Skinner's office; Otto is under arrest for reckless driving.)
- Skinner: Oh, it's a miracle no one was hurt!
- Otto: Oh, I stand on my record. Fifteen crashes and not a single fatality!
- Lou: Letās see your license, pal.
- Otto: No can do. Never got one.
- [Skinner palms his forehead]
- Otto: But if you need proof of my identity I wrote my name on my underwear. [Checks his undies] Oh wait, these aren't mine.
- Skinner: Well, that tears it. Until you get a license and wear your own underwear, mister, you are suspended without pay!
- Otto: Who's gonna drive the bus?!
- Skinner: I drove an all-terrain vehicle in Da Nang. [Stands up] I think I can handle it.
- Nelson: Hey Simpson, what are you trying to play?
- Bart: Polly-Wally-Doodle.
- Nelson: Oh yeah, well it sounds Polly-Wally-Crappy.
- Martin: Although I'm sure I will receive a severe wedgie from my bus-mates, I must remind you that we should have been at school 10 minutes ago.
- Otto: Uh oh, better fasten your seatbelts, little dudes.
- Lisa: We don't have seatbelts.
- Otto: Uh, well, then just try to go limp.
- Bart: Otto, you are the coolest adult ever!
- Otto: Wow! I've never been called an adult before, I've been tried as one but.
- Bart: Otto-Man? You're living in a dumpster?
- Otto: Ho, man, I wish. Dumpster-brand trash bins are top-of-the-line. This is just a Trash-Co waste disposal unit.
- Otto: I don't know about this, Bart dude. Your dad was right, I am a bum...
- Bart: He didn't call you a bum, he called you a sponge.
- Otto: SPONGE?! (Punches wall) I'll show him what this sponge can do!
- Spinal Tap: I just walked out there and thereās puddles of water all over the freakinā stage.
- Rock Fan: Huh, I donāt want to lie to you boys. Six days a week this place is a hockey rink.
- Spinal Tap: Yeah, well this is a rock concert, not the bleeding splish splash show.
- Spinal Tap: Well, it seems some silly twit did not get a big enough oxygen tank, but that's supposed to be a devil. Filled up with air it's very evil and impressive. We salute you, our half inflated Dark Lord!
- Kent Brockman: Of course, it would be wrong to suggest this sort of mayhem began with rock-and-roll. After all, there were riots at the premiere of Mozart's "The Magic Flute." So, what's the answer? Ban all music? In this reporterās opinion, the answer, sadly, is 'yes'.
- Bart: Mom, I want to be a rockstar.
- Marge: Hmmmmm we'll discuss it later. Is Milhouse okay?
- Homer: Uh, I'll be right back....
- Milhouse: (at the arena lying under a pile of folding chairs) Help!
- Homer [singing]: There was a little Spanish flea. A record star he thought he'd be. He heard of singers like Beatles, The Chipmunks he'd seen on TV. Why not a little Spanish flea? And so he hid inside a dog...
- Marge: I don't understand why don't you stay with your parents?
- Otto: The admiral and I don't get along.
- Otto: Please let me stay here. I've got nowhere else to go.
- Homer: Forget it. That line didn't work for my dad, and it's not going to work for you.
- Homer: Listen, you drain-clogging, last-cookie-eating, collect-call-getting sponge! I want you out of my house!
- Bart: Rough day, Apu? Help me a squishee and don't spare the syrup.
- Apu: Oh, perhaps you would like to try an experimental flavor of my own concoction. A delicious Chutney Squishee.
- Bart: Oh... okayā¦slurp.
- Apu: You can really taste the chutney!
- Bart: Otto Mann where'd you learn how to play the guitar?
- Otto: It's all I ever did in high school, but my Old man said I was wasting my time and I'd never amount to anything.
- Homer: Boy, some of the best times Iāve ever had were in the back seat of a car.
- Otto: I want to take the test again!
- Patty: Why?
- Otto: So I can staple my license on Homer Simpson's big bald head!
- Patty: (changes her demeanor upon hearing Homer's name) Really!
- (During the driving test:)
- Otto: Homer had a piece of food stuck to his face for three days!
- (Patty laughs as Otto tells her more stories of Homer and his crude behavior)
- Otto: And it wasn't little either, it was a chicken wing!
- Patty: (Laughing.) Wing!
ā Season 2 | Season 3 Quotes | Season 4 āŗ |
---|---|---|
Stark Raving Dad ā¢ Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington ā¢ When Flanders Failed ā¢ Bart the Murderer ā¢ Homer Defined ā¢ Like Father, Like Clown ā¢ Treehouse of Horror II ā¢ Lisa's Pony ā¢ Saturdays of Thunder ā¢ Flaming Moe's ā¢ Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk ā¢ I Married Marge ā¢ Radio Bart ā¢ Lisa the Greek ā¢ Homer Alone ā¢ Bart the Lover ā¢ Homer at the Bat ā¢ Separate Vocations ā¢ Dog of Death ā¢ Colonel Homer ā¢ Black Widower ā¢ The Otto Show ā¢ Bart's Friend Falls in Love ā¢ Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes? |