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The Old Man and the "C" Student/Quotes

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The Old Man and the "C" Student
Monty Can't Buy Me Love
Chalmers: Huh? Well, I was born in Queens, went to Ball State then made the move to Intercourse, Pennsylvania. Uh, why do you ask?

Skinner: Don't worry, sir. I'll teach these children some respect for their town. I'm assigning each of you - [Groaning, Grumbling]

Chalmers: Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to my vacation at Lake Titicaca. Let's see you make a joke out of that, Mr. Smart Guy.

[The mail carrier rings]
Homer: I'll get it! [laughs]
Mail carrier: Delivery for Homer Simpson.
Homer: [opens the package] Hmmm. Woohoo! My Springs! They finally came!
Marge: But we lost the Olympics to Shelbyville.
Homer: Yeah, but I'll should have no problem selling 1,000 springs.
Marge To who?
Homer: To idiots. Ooh, these are fun!

Old Jewish Man: (After seeing a Native American Chief breaks through a window), you know the door was open, Chief Break Everything.

Jasper: (playing Bingo) You sunk my battleship!

[At Moe's]
Homer: Hey, Lenny, want some nuts? [shows a can]
Lenny: Hey, thanks. [Opens the can. Springs spring out and one sticks in Lenny's eye] Ow, my eye! [Homer laughs]
Moe: Homer, get out of here.
Homer: Boy, Moe, you sure look angry. Want some nuts?
Moe: Thank you, I love nuts. [Opens the can and a spring sticks in Moe's eye] Ow! God, my eye!

[At the Simpson house]
Homer: Welcome to the kitchen of tomorrow, today! Marge, how much would you pay for a self flipping hamburger pan?
Marge: Nothing.
Homer: Don't ask yet! Watch how easy it is to flip hamburgers with the help of God's latest creation, the springs. [The casserole has springs under it. The burgers jump on the air and the oil burns Homer. He screams.] Some second-degree burns but some first class burgers!
Marge: Homer, get rid of these springs!
Homer: But you haven't seen the baby of tomorrow! [Maggie is full of springs] Now, if I drop her, no more tears! [He uses her as a basketball ball]
Marge: Give me my baby!
Homer: Give it up, Marge, I'm coming through the hole!
Marge: Homer, I'm not sure that's a good idea. I want these springs out of our house today!

[Inside the bathroom, Homer flushes the springs down the toilet]
Homer: [Singing] You flush one down, it swirls around. Nine hundred and ninety nine springs to flush down!
Marge: [Knocks the door] You're not flushing those springs down our toilet, are you?
Homer: Of course not! Nine hundred and ninety six springs to flush down, nine hundred and ninety six springs!

[The boat, with all of the old people, Bart and Lisa, is sinking. When it does, it goes up again]
Bart: What the heck's going on?
[The springs Homer flushes down the toilet come from a pipe and cause the boat to spring back up]
Homer: [heard singing] A hundred and thirty five springs to flush down, a hundred and thirty five springs!

[On Mr. Burn's yacht]
Mr. Burns: Now, Smithers, you say you painted all your navy buddies this way?
Smithers: [looks up from drawing] Until I was discharged, sir.


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