|The Heartbroke Kid||
- Homer: Little kids aren't supposed to have heart attacks! They're supposed to skin their knees, or poke their eyes out, or get smothered by cats!
- Marge: Homer, maybe you could ask Mr. Burns for a raise.
- Homer: Even better, I'll ask him for my job back!
- Superintendent Chalmers: It's not my birthday, Seymour. You know I'm a Sagittarius.
- Principal Skinner: Really? I'm a Libra. There's a lot of compatibility there.
- Superintendent Chalmers: Skinner, be gay on your own time.
- [After Bart collapses from his heart attack]
- Homer: Do the Bart Man! Do the Bart Man! (Bart groans) Why won't you dance? Dance!
- Dr. Hibbert: Now when Bart goes home, he's going to have to follow a program of strict diet and exercise. Dammit, I will not bury another patient!
- Marge: Doctor, you're a pediatrician!
- Dr. Hibbert: Yeah, but my head's been somewhere else this year.
- Spangler [to Bart]: Come on, let’s look for your dad. And if we have some time, maybe we'll look for mine.
- Kent Brockman: Kent Brockman, Channel 6 News. I gorge on kettle corn during the sports and weather.
- Spangler: We know. Your side fat's starting to spill over to channel 5 and 7. I hope you're getting 3 paychecks.
- Spangler [to Bart]: Son, I'm gonna tell you a story about a young man who came here and failed. Well, that is the story. I shouldn't call a sentence a story. Anyway, it's you!
- Homer: Marge, can you cut back on your makeup budget?
- Marge: But I already use crayons for lipstick and fireplace soot for eyeliner.
- Homer: So that's where my soot went.
- Spangler [to Bart]: Young man, there's something I have to show you. In one hour. We have to drive there. No talking along the way, it'll hurt the drama.
- Bart: Can I just...
- Spangler: Shh, drama!
- Spangler [to the Simpsons]: Folks, you have three weeks left on a non-refundable weight loss treatment, so if anybody else in the family wants to use it, use it now.
- Homer: But who else needs to lose weight? Maggie, Grampa, my seldom seen half brother, Herb? [the rest of the family looks at him] What are you all looking at me for?
- Bart: I've learned that even made up corporate shills can lie to you.
- Homer [holds a stuffed fox animal]: Did you hear that, Foxy, the Fox Network fox?
- Spangler [to Homer]: What are you eating now?
- Homer: Cheeseburger.
- Spangler: You're a catastrophe. Let me have half of it.
- Homer: I don't wanna.
- Spangler: I just want the cheese, I don't want the meat. I do want the meat.
- Homer: Here's a corner.
- Spangler: Let me just bite it, don't rip it! Let me have the whole thing, you'll get some later.
- Homer: You're a selfish jerk.
- Spangler: I've smelled it, it has to be eaten!
- Homer: But it's my burger!
- Spangler: I'm driving. I'll kill us!
- Homer: Fine, I'd rather die!
- Spangler: Excuse me, we're looking for Mr. and Mrs. Simpson. I'm sorry to say this is their son.
- Female Tourist: Oh, so he's the strudel-sucking globbenheimer who has bankrupted them with his expensive treatments.
- Spangler: Strudel-sucking globbenheimer. You need to think about that. That's what the human race thinks of you.
- [Marge and Lisa are cleaning up while being verbally abused by the German tourists.]
- Male Tourist: Problem number 35 with America, no universal health care. Number 36, no metric system. What is this, the time of Charlemagne? Answer me! Answer me now!
- Homer: I'm not too fat... I'm alive, aren't I?
- Spangler: Mr. Simpson, you're suffering from PSI. Poor self esteem. That's not "I"! (yelling) Every sign is wrong!
- Rainier Wolfcastle: Here's the scoop, your Hagen days are over.
- Bart Simpsons: They can't see or hear us,Right?
- Spangler: We're not the Ghost of Christmas Past, Bart.