|The Great Simpsina||
- Lisa: Initiate Phase 2.
- Bart: I forgot what Phase 2 is, but I'll assume we just dump the peaches like we discussed.
- Lisa: Affirmative.
- Bart: I'll assume that means "yes".
- Lisa: Roger.
- Bart: The name's Bart.
- Boy: I can see why they call you the "Great Simpsina".
- Lisa: My friends call me Lisa.
- Bart: She has no friends.
- Lisa: Shut up!
- Homer: Marge, how much do they pay us for doing this?
- Marge: Actually, we pay them for each peach we take home.
- Homer: What the...? First I work, then I pay, then I have to eat fruit? Why was I ever born?
- Homer: Masseuses - the half-doctors, half-hookers who solve everything.
- The Great Raymondo: I got this phone for subscribing to Psychic Monthly, and then, I canceled the subscription. They never saw it coming. (chuckles)
- The Great Raymondo: Magic is about mystery, illusion, pulling rabbits out of hats! Presto! (pulls rabbit skeleton out of hat)
- The Great Raymondo: Oh...
- Lisa: Ew.
- The Great Raymondo: Today's lesson: feed your props.
- Nelson: God, if you don't bring my Lisa back safe, (shakes fist) ants will burn tonight.
- Homer: Lisa, don't feel bad. Judas betrayed Jesus, but he still got paid.
- Lisa: You're just gonna stand there?
- The Great Raymondo: No, with my back, I've got to sit.
- Penn Jillette: Because, when he...
- Teller: Quiet! You talk on-stage. I talk off-stage. That was the curse the witch put on us.
- Homer: The real magic is raising three kids in this economy!
- David Copperfield: To show you we mean business, I'm unbuttoning my shirt and turning on a fan.
- Bart: What idiot put the dump so far from where people live?
- Lisa: You're as pure as the ether that puts you to sleep.
- Homer: I can't stand to see one of my female children unhappy.
- Lisa: Prepare to have everything you knew about milk cans challenged!
- Grampa: In 1957 I saw him turn turn the Secretary of Agriculture into the Secretary of the Interior. It was hell on their wives, but it sure brought down corn prices. Built a house out of corn. It was the worst home I ever owed. When it got really hot it smelled like Frito's.
- Great Raymondo: This is a house of magic.
- Lisa: Sounds like most of it is owned by the bank.
- Great Raymondo: But the rest of it is magic.
- Homer: after Lisa pulls a coin out of his ear) Hello boat store, I'd like to order a boat. What do you mean dial tone?
- Bart: Oh man, I can't believe we have to pick the peaches ourselves. This activity is so lame! I'm gonna daydream about school (daydreams about him getting a test) Damn it! A pop quiz!
- Lisa: (picks a peach) Aw, come on Bart, It's fun! (picks another) Well, that was kind of the same as the first time. (picks another one and sighs) Oh, Why did I suggest this?
- (Raymondo discovers that Lisa told his milk can escape trick secret to Cregg Demon's son)
- Lisa: Raymondo, I am so sorry. I got rolled by a pro! do you know what is like to be the kind of girl that boys never talk to, and then suddenly, a boy talks to you?
- The Great Raymondo: Get out!
- Lisa: Haven't you ever been fooled by a pretty face?
- The Great Raymondo: Just once. I trusted you!
- Lisa: Oh, you think I'm pretty?
- The Great Raymondo: Get out!