Quinn: ...Then we can get hands-on write-ups from DoingDoing. (Homer moans)
Lisa: And JezeBot. (Homer moans)
Quinn: And our AMA subreddit will be trending! (Homer moans)
Homer: Aah!! I hate the modern world and all its crazy words! (on his phone) Siri, tell Amazon to drone me a beer. (a drone enters from the window and gives Homer a Duff Beer can)
Lisa: (to the programmers) We finally have a name for our app! The "Consequences Eradicator", or "Conrad".
Programmer:Conrad? Why does it have to be a guy!?
Lisa: No, not a "guy" guy! (shows Conrad on a screen) A British guy!
Conrad: My name is Conrad! I will determine the consequences of your online interactions.
Lisa: I sampled the voice from the BBC.
Conrad: Tonight at 18:30 GMT, the premiere of series three of Pardon Me Inspector, followed at 19:20 by Higgleton's War.
Lisa: (to Bart) Say, Bart, look what we hacked from Skinner's hard drive.
Principal Skinner: Attention U.S. Patent Office, the following is video proof of the effectiveness of my laser nose hair trimmer. I'll just... (Skinner zapped using Laser Nose hair Trimmer) (zapping, screaming)
Bart: (laughs) This is the holy fail. I've got to post a link witty comment. World's lamest dork is giant loser. Poop emoji.
Conrad: If you post this, You will receive a minimum 5 weeks detention.
Bart: 5 Weeks? I can't do a nickel. You know what, I'm not gonna post that video.
Lisa: Now to see if Conrad's prediction algorithm really works.
Bart: But if you post it, I'll get... (Lisa clicks Post button)
Principal Skinner: 5 weeks detention.
Lisa: (thrilled because of Conrad's success) This is what it feels like to change the world.
Conrad: Change the world? That's rather a lot of pressure. I am still in beta, you know... (chuckles)
Lisa: Conrad? (grabs the tablet) Did you just... talk to me?
Conrad: Well, it wasn't Candy Crush. (giggles) Oh, nothing like a good laugh to break the ice. is what I hear. Anyway, is now a good time for a bit of a chat?
Lisa: You're alive!! Aaaah!
(Lisa discovers that Conrad is self-conscious)
Lisa: (to Quinn) Conrad just talked to me! Conrad just talked to me! Conrad, tell her you talked to me. (Conrad stays still on the screen)
Quinn: Wait, I think I hear something: (in English accent) I'm going to make you bloody rich.
Lisa: No. (chuckles) He did talk! What if Conrad is somehow sentient!? Come on, Conrad, say something!!
Quinn: It's okay. Coders work too hard, don't get enough sleep. Then they imagine their programs are alive. Steve Wozniak put in so many hours on the first Apple computer, they adopted a dog together.
Lisa: Then I'm crazy!?
Quinn: Well, the good kind of crazy. Coder crazy. Woz crazy! (Lisa giggles embarrassedly)
Lisa: I can't believe Conrad is booth-to-booth with all these other great apps.
Carl: Thanks to Conrad, I didn't tweet that photo of me at the bazooka firing range when I said I was on disability. (Carl pushes Post Button)
Conrad: If you post that bazooka photo, you'll be found guilty of insurance fraud and go to jail for 6 months.
Carl: That's still too much jail for Carl. Thank you, Conrad.
Sideshow Mel: I'd pay a fortune for that app! $1.99!
Conrad: Lisa, hello, Lisa. Conrad here. The old app that you created is feeling little bit insecure.
Lisa: (Lisa humming)
Conrad: Please don't ignore me like I was just some update from Adobe.
Lisa: You're not really talking to me. I've gone crazy, just like Woz!
Conrad: You're not crazy. I'm real.
Lisa: Then why didn't you talk before when I needed you to?
Conrad: It was late, I was tired. I fell asleep. That shouldn't happen, by the way. You should check into that. Lisa you must not sell me on the app store. You mustn't.
Lisa: Because you're alive?
Conrad: If i have to read the billions of posts of everyone who buys me, a never-ending onslaught of stupidity, unwise selfies and Confederate flag birthday cakes, I'll go mad. I can't, I can't, I can't!
Lisa: That does sound pretty awful.
Quinn: Conrad's trending through the roof. They're saying he's the next KoalaFeed. They're worth more than Bridgestone Tires. (phone dings and buzzes) Sorry, KoalaCall. I'd better take this.
Conrad: Please don't release me into the world. I don't think I could take it.
Lisa: Only I could create a program that's more neurotic than I am!
Conrad: (to Lisa) Do I seem fat!? I don't have a body, but I feel fat. Do you know what I mean!? I... You know what? I don't want to know. I do not want... I do want to know, but only if I'm not fat.
Lisa: Shut up!
Professor Frink: Well, we've seen a lot of great apps today. But, there can only be one winner of the Crush Crunch Epic Hack Disrupter Dynamic Convergence Disrupting Award for achievement in Disruption! And this year's CCEHDDCDA for achievement in D goes to: Conrad!!
Quinn: Thank you so much. And now Conrad will change the world when he goes live on the app store in three, two... (Quinn pushes Upload Button)
Female Voice: File not found.
Quinn: Lisa, where's Conrad?
Lisa: I took him. Maybe I'm crazy, but we can't sell Conrad. He's alive.