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- Marge: I finally have a peaceful place to sit and hear my own thoughts. (thinking) How much money did he piss away on this?
- Kent Brockman: (on the news) And the elephant who couldn't stop laughing was put to death.
- Lenny: (to Homer) Yeah, you must be some kind of marriage super-genius, how about a few tips?
- Homer: Certainly, Lenford. Make every day a celebration of your love. Surprise her with a pasta-salad. Put a mini beret on your wang.
- Lenny: Oh, this stuff is gold.
- Carl: Happy marriage, here I come.
- Homer: "Meals on Wheels." Eat it up or I go to jail.
- Old Man: Didn't these meals used to have a cobbler?
- Homer: Uuh, they discontinued the cobbler.
- Old Man: You smell like cobbler.
- Homer: Now let's not get into who smells like what!
- Judge Snyder: Have you reached a verdict.
- Juror: Verdict? Is that what we were supposed to do?
- Judge Snyder: In all my years on the bench!
- Juror: Cause that's what we did!
- Judge Snyder: (laughs) You juries!
- Chief Wiggum: (to Homer and Marge) Well, I'd like to thank you both for cooperating with... (yells) Did ya do it!?
- Marge: Chief Wiggum, Homer and I are innocent.
- Chief Wiggum: I'm sorry I can't believe I tried to trick you with such an underhanded ques... (yells) Did ya do it!?
- Marge: No!
- Homer: Now if you'll excuse us, we'll be on our... (yells) Does that ever work!?
- Chief Wiggum: Nah, nah it never does.