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The Fight Before Christmas/Quotes

< The Fight Before Christmas

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Episode
References
Gags
Appearances
Gallery
Quotes
Credits
How Munched Is That Birdie in the Window?
The Fight Before Christmas
Donnie Fatso
Narrator: Tonight's Simpsons Episode is brought to you by the symbol 'ü' and the number 'e'. Not the letter 'e' but the number whose exponential function is the derivative of itself.

Bart: Listen here, Kringle. I may have gotten naughty this year, but by today's standards, naughty's nothing! I didn't get anybody pregnant, I didn't Facebook a kid to death. Make with my dirt bike!

Marge: This tree reminds me of your father. Round in the middle, thinning up top and your hands get sticky when you touch him.

Krusty: (as Santa) Kid, this company's bust! For years I've been giving away free toys and getting cookies in return. It's not a sustainable business model.

Lisa: You mean your gingerbread McMansion.
Homer: Hey, show some respect, three gingerbread men died making that.

Mr. Burns: Release the hounds! (barking is heard in the distance) Oh, they'll be here any minute.
(After a long pause, a lone harmless-looking dog arrives)
Dog: We, uhhhh ... blew the budget on Katy Perry.

(Moe makes several attempts to kiss Katy Perry, but can't get high enough to reach her face.)
Moe: I'm just gonna kiss your belly button. (presses his face into her abdomen and starts kissing)
Katy : (surprised) Oh... that's not my belly button.
(Moe breaks off the kiss and looks up at her)
Katy: (quickly) But I didn't say stop.

Krusty: (as Santa) Now you better get home. I'm sure in the 25 years of Earth time you've been gone, your parents have gotten worried.

Bart: Isn't this the busy season? Where are all the other elves?
Milhouse: Laid off.
Nelson: After NAFTA, a lot of these jobs went to the South Pole.

Martha Stewart: You boys like to play soldier?
Bart: I can't think of a better way to celebrate Jesus' birthday.
(Martha puts poker stands on Bart's and Milhouse's heads, then wraps red tape around their bodies)
Milhouse : I don't think I like where this is going.
Martha Stewart: (wraps tape over Milhouse's and Bart's mouths) I don't think anyone asked your opinion.

Homer: Mr. Burns! What are you doing here?
Mr. Burns: I got a visit from three Christmas spirits.
Grampa: (on a balcony with Jasper, parodying Statler and Waldorf) I wish this show got a visit from three new writers.
(He and Jasper laugh.)

Grampa: Well, it looks like this'll finally kill it.
Jasper: The Simpsons?
Grampa: No, Christmas.

Agnes Skinner: How come you're not off fighting like a real man?
Homer: I'm too fat to fit in a foxhole.

Homer: Don't worry. If something happened to your mother, they would have told us.
Squeaky-Voiced Teen: Telegram!
Homer: D'oh! (reads telegram) "Marge is MIA"? (crying) Oh, no! She changed her name!
Squeaky-Voiced Teen: No, that means she's missing in action.
(Homer cries)
Lisa: See? Everytime we get a tree, mom disappears! (runs away crying)
Homer: I wish it was me instead of her!
Squeaky-Voiced Teen: It stil can be, you just have to go to rhe recruiting station and...
Homer: Shut up.

Homer: Hey, I thought you didn't want a Christmas tree.
Lisa: I didn't at first, but this tree is to remind us of mom. It serves as a reminder that someday this war will be over.
Homer: And someday TV will be invented, and it will be free, at first. Then it will cost money.
Lisa: But until then, this tree will stand for mom and everything she believes in: home, family, and constantly sweeping up needles. O Tannenbaum, O Tannenbaum.
All: Wie treu sind deine blatter. Du grunst nicht nur, zur sommerzeit. Nein auch im winter wenn es schneit.


Season 21 Season 22 Quotes Season 23
Elementary School MusicalLoan-a LisaMoneyBARTTreehouse of Horror XXILisa Simpson, This Isn't Your LifeThe Fool MontyHow Munched Is That Birdie in the Window?The Fight Before ChristmasDonnie FatsoMoms I'd Like to ForgetFlaming MoeHomer the FatherThe Blue and the GrayAngry Dad: The MovieThe Scorpion's TaleA Midsummer's Nice DreamLove is a Many Strangled ThingThe Great SimpsinaThe Real Housewives of Fat TonyHomer Scissorhands500 KeysThe Ned-liest Catch

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