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: Homer (throws a pair of "love dice" with verbs and parts of the body) Lick - eyes! (throws again) Spank - hair! (throws again) Whisper into - ass! Ohh!
: Agnes (looks at the police calendar) Let me just check the calander. (sees Eww... Wiggum!
Chief Wiggum posing)
: Ned Flanders (after nearly kissing Saved by the bell from an eternity in Hell!
: Homer, there's a moth in my room. Where are you?
Carl Homer: Where I should have been all along. In Springfield.
Carl: What? Get back to the Eternal City of Lights at once or you're fired!
Homer: Oh, I don't think so. You know that woman you've been playing "hide the baguette" with? She's French first lady Carla Bruni. You fire me, and I'll call Nicolas Sarkozy, and he'll be all over you like Truffaut on Hitchcock.
Carl: You wouldn't dare!
Homer: Oh, wouldn't I? Just listen! (dials other cell phone)
: President Nicholas Sarkozy (on phone) Allo, you are getting cozy with Sarkozy.
Carl: All right, Homer, you win. Give Marge my best.
Homer: I will, but first, I'll be giving her mine.
Homer: (about Marge and Ned having an affair) My wife and my worst friend. Could it be?
: The most intimate evening we spent this week was when I was ironing your shirts.
Marge Homer: Actually, those were Carl's shirts.
Ned Flanders: I'm not thinking straight, why did I have that wine cooler last month?
: We thought you were gonna die.
Rod : And then Uncle Kevin would have to raise us.
Todd Rod: And his funny friend, David.
Ned Flanders: Oh I'd put rocks in your pocket and walk you out to sea for before I'd let that happen.
Rod and Todd: Yay!
Marge: You two are going out? I thought I told you the Flanders were coming over for dinner.
: I'm having a tea party at Lisa Janey's.
: And I'm having a stink bomb party at the house next to Janey's... no connection.
Bart: Stop dragging me! When I get older I'm gonna drag you around and buy you clothes.
Marge: Oh, that's wonderful!
: I'm gonna miss Ted, he was a good supervisor
Lenny Carl: Definitely hands off. He didn't mind if we punched in late, or not at all.
Homer: And he didn't mind that we made a few changes to the soda machine... mmm... beer.
: Congratulations, I dub thee king of the morons, also known as supervisor for sector 7-G.
Carl: Homer, you've hardly had any meltdowns all week, so I'm making you executive assistant.
Homer: Why can't I keep the job I have now, whatever it is?
Carl: Easy now, big fella. Either be my assistant, or seek work elsewhere. And in this economy, elsewhere ain't hiring.
Homer: Very well, I guess I'm at your beck.
Carl: And call.
Ned Flanders: Well, boys, your old man is back on the bean, thanks to Christian prayer and good old doctor Sheldon Lowelstein.
: Monsieur Carlson, what has been your favorite thing about Paris?
Carla Bruni-Sarkozy Carl: Oh, I really loved the...
(Homer, reading a travel guide, whispers in his ear)
Carl: ...Loufe. Everthing about it is so...
Carl: ...closed on Mondays.
Evil French Guy: (picks up phone Homer threw out) Nuclear secrets, picture of Lenny... everything I need for my plan.
Homer: See? He hasn't changed a bit.
Carl: (on P.A) Yes I have, in ways you are only beginning to understand.
Lenny: So Ted, what are you gonna do now that you don't have to look after us idiots anymore?
: I'm gonna fill the emptiness with garding and Mandarin lesson Ted (speaks Mandarin)
Chinese Man: (to Homer) It's garbage. It's total garbage.
: Quit dragging me! When you're older, I'm gonna drag you around and buy you clothes!
Bart Marge: Oh, that would be very nice.
: Today, we're going to read about Washington crossing the Delaware.
Edna Krabappel : I'd rather see Bart's mom in her underwear.
Nelson Edna Krabappel: The British side was under the command of General Howe.
Nelson: I give Bart's mom a general wow!
Bart: Stop that, she's my mom!
Nelson: Keep-away with Bart's mom! (throws calendar to Milhouse)
Milhouse: Oh, Mrs. S. You can tuck me in anytime.
Bart: (aims slingshot at Milhouse) Okay, buddy. Lower the eyebrows, nice and easy.
(Milhouse lowers one eyebrow)
Bart: Now the other one.
(Milhouse lowers the other eyebrow, but then raises it again; Bart hits him with slingshot)
Milhouse: Ow! It's stuck! Now I'll have a quizzical expression all day.
Nelson: I'd like to get quizzical with Bart's mom.
(Bart tackles Nelson and they fight)
Julio: Now, who's my next sexy historical lady?
Marge: I am. The Tiger Woods of the 1930s, Babe Didrikson Zaharias.
Julio: Honey, I'm gonna need more babe and less didrikson Zaharias.
Marge: All right then, I'll take off one glove.