- (A rat crawls out of a trash can, Ralph comes out shortly after)
- Ralph Wiggum: The rat symbolizes obviousness!
- Bart: Skinner's five steps ahead of me! I put a tack on his chair, he's corked his pants. I throw a tomato, he's making salad!
- Ralph Wiggum: (about Donny) When he grows up, I want to be like me!
- Homer: Unlike love, respect can't be bought.
- Lisa: I never dreamed an American car designed in Germany, assembled in Mexico from parts made in Canada, could be so amazing.
- (After the Diet Coke and Mentos explosion.)
- Superintendent Chalmers: Skinnerrrr! (pause) Skinner?
- Principal Skinner: I'm alright, sir.
- Superintendent Chalmers: Don't ever scare me like that again.
- Donny: Hey, Krabappel! Your name sounds like "Crabapple." Did you go sour waiting for someone to pick you?
- Mrs. Krabappel: (sighs) Pretty much...
- Superintendent Chalmers: We're gonna put Bart Simpson away for a long, long time.
- Principal Skinner: By law, the most we can give him is a 10-day suspension.
- Superintendent Chalmers: That's long to a kid!
- Homer: (singing to the tune of Yes' "Owner of a Lonely Heart") Driver of a loaner car, much better than the driver of my normal car.
- Principal Skinner: Sorry to plop, plop on your fizz, fizz.
- Groundskeeper Willie: I have some information ye might be interested in, but it won't be easy to hear.
- Bart: Because of your stupid accent?
- Groundskeeper Willie: Nach-nae! Because of its upsetting nature! Skinner's gotten to someone close to ye. A rat!
- Bart: Who is it!?
- Groundskeeper Willie: I dunno! But Skinner's going to meet the rat right now. (They look at Skinner entering the school building)
- Bart: Thanks Willie.
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