- Milhouse: How come you get so many valentines? All I got were from my mom and my optometrist.
- Bart: That's a bill.
- Milhouse: No, it's not! It has a heart stamp.
- Bart: Why would a dude do everything a dame wants on Valentines Day?
- Homer: It's a trade-off. We do whatever women want on Valentines Day, and they let us blow stuff up on the Fourth of July. I just hope the two don't fall on the same day.
- Bart: According to the wisdom of our elders, if you ride the swing the whole way around, your body will turn inside out.
- Milhouse: At last, my beauty will be on the outside!
- Lisa: What happened to you? You were so brave at the dessert bar.
- Nick: I sure was. I'm allergic to chocolate.
- Bart: I don't want to be the guy who killed everyone's fun. That's Skinner's job.
- Principal Skinner: Don't look at me. I didn't kill everyone's fun, fun killer.
- Marge: It's a beautiful day outside. No more watching TV.
- Bart: Luckily, she doesn't know that our viewing platforms are multi.
- Luigi: Now that's a spicy meet-cute!
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