|The D'oh-cial Network||
- Blue-Haired Lawyer: Lisa Simpson! Your actions have brought devastation upon this town. And all because of your selfish desire to be accepted by others.
- Homer: Leave her alone! That's my only talking daughter.
- Bart: Lethal inject her on the electric chair!
- Marge: Bart! It's okay to say that at home, but not in court. Take it back.
- Bart: Withdrawn.
- Marge: Now, Lisa, tell your side of the story, and use your big voice.
- Marge: Someone thinks we're leaving. I'll wave them off.
- Homer: No, no, no, no. Let's see how long we can keep them waiting. Everyone act like we're buckling up to go home.
- (everyone pretends to get ready to leave)
- Driver: Dammit! Are you leaving or not?
- Homer: Leaving? Why on Earth would you think that?
- Driver: (shouts in a rage)
- (in American Princess, a doll shop)
- Lenny: Give me one doll from every time period and set me up for a tea party in a private room.
- Cashier: Lenny, you asked me to stop you from coming back in here. Let me help you.
- Lenny: You can help me by giving me Ellis Island Emily. Hi dear, I'm your uncle Lenny. I'm gonna buy you an all new wardrobe, fix your teeth, send you to the best schools and you're gonna hate and resent me for it, 'cause you're an American now.
- Blue-Haired Lawyer: To summarize, your honor, Lisa Simpson created this social network because she had no friends.
- Lisa: No, that is not true. I-
- Blue-Haired Lawyer: May I remind you you're under oath?
- Lisa: All right, already! I had no friends.
- Jimbo: I just got invited to make out with Shauna. See?
- Dolph: That went out to two hundred guys!
- Jimbo: (disheartened) Ohhh...
- Dolph: And seven girls.
- Jimbo: (happier) Huhh!
- Blue-Haired Lawyer: Lisa, could you give us any reason why this city should not force you to shut down your site?
- Lisa: I know it's popular and insular, and caused 35 deaths, but I had friends! Four digits of friends! I had a friend in common with Malcolm Gladwell.
- Blue-Haired Lawyer: He friends everybody.
- Lisa: Fine. I'll shut down the site.
- Milhouse: Santa's Little Helper's friends with Snowball II? Now I've seen everything.
- Ralph: Ha. All my friends have birthdays this year!
- Lisa: (gasps) I have a thousand friends! And only eight of them are Milhouse!
- Bart: A thousand kids? If you could get each of them to send you a dollar, you'd be a millionaire!
- Lisa: Wow! I've created something incredibly popular!
- Homer: And I've created something that created something incredibly popular!
- Grampa: And I created an alcoholic hippo!
- Homer: You never showed it to me!
- Grampa: A stupid alcoholic hippo.
- Homer: I still want to see it.
- Grampa: There is no hippo!
- Homer: Then why did you say it?
- Grampa: 'Cause you're the hippo!
- Homer: Are you just saying that 'cause you don't want me to see the hippo?
- Grampa: I don't have a hippo!
- Marge: Homer! Watch the road!
- Homer: Right, status update: Homer is watching the- (screams; hits Hans Moleman, sending him flying)
- Hans Moleman: Dislike! Dislike! (hits the ground)
- Blue-Haired Lawyer: Now, to skip ahead, your diabolical plan was an instant success.
- Lisa: I never said it was diabolical.
- Blue-Haired Lawyer: Withdrawn! [the drawer erases devil-like horns from a drawing of Lisa]
- (The family is laughing at the driver they tricked at the parking lot)
- Bart: We totally wasted his time!
- Homer: And ours! (laughs)
- Lisa: (To Sherri and Terri) Hi, guys! What are you doing?
- Sherri: Duh! Having feathers woven into our hair!
- Lisa's brain: Those girls are snotty and shallow. Tell them off.
- Lisa: Can I join you? (Lisa's brain groans)
- Terri: Lisa...how can we put this together?
- Sherri: You're the reason no one wears Silly Bandz anymore!
- Lisa: They...they don't? (takes off five silly bandz from her arm and throws them away, forming the word "Loser". Lisa kicks them and they form the word "Dork") What the?