|The Call of the Simpsons||
- (Bart runs to Homer after he is shot by a tranquilizer dart)
- Homer: Avenge me, son. Avenge my death.
- (Homer starts to snore loudly and Bart looks at him surprised)
- (At a press conference scientists discuss their findings on Homer)
- German Scientist: This much I believe we can agree upon: this specimen is either a below-average human being or...a brilliant beast.
- Simpsons residence. Marge and Homer are in bed, watching the report on TV. Marge turns the TV off
- Homer: Boy, the guys at the plant are going to have a field day with this one.
- Marge: I am sorry this happened. Good night, my...brilliant beast!
- (Homer and Bart search for a way out of the forest)
- Homer: Through here, boy. Back to civilization.
- Bart: How do you know?
- Homer: When you're an experienced woodsman like me, you get a feel for these things. It becomes natural, like a third sense.
- (Bob the RV salesman tries to sell Homer the small, beat up RV)
- Bob: Mr. Simpson, you're never gonna own a better RV. And I don't mean that in a good way. I mean literally, buddy. This is for you, you know? It's this or a wagon.
- (Bob the RV salesman checks Homer's credit on a computer, and a siren wails when the results come back)
- Homer: Is that a good siren? Am I approved?
- Bob: You ever known a siren to be good? (chuckles) No, Mr. Simpson, it's not. It's a bad siren. That's the computer in case I went blind, telling me, "Sell the vehicle to this fella, and you're outta business." That's what the siren says.
- Lisa: We're playing, "
- (Bob the RV salesman shows the Simpson family the "Ultimate Behemoth")
- Bart: Does it have its own satellite dish, sir?
- Bob: You can tell your son it has its own satellite. The VanStar One, launched last February, just for this thing, that's all.
- Bart: Whoa, man!
- Marge: I'm not sure that we can afford--
- Homer: Does it have a deep fryer?
- Bob: It has four of them--one for each part of the chicken.
- (Homer and Bart survive after falling over a waterfall)
- Homer: Oh, Bart! Oh, Bart, my beautiful son! Why couldn't you have taken me? Of all the fates on Heaven and Earth, why did this one befall me? (sobs loudly)
- Bart: Don't have a cow, Dad.
- Homer: What the--D'oh! (Sees Bart on the other side of the river) You're alive! And (Chuckles) buck naked!
- Bart: I'm not the only one, Home boy.
- Homer: What? Oh! (Chuckles) Jungle man.
- (Homer beats his chest and hollers like Tarzan)
- (After his RV crashes at the bottom of a canyon, Homer needs a minute alone)
- Homer: (To Marge and the kids) Now you all stay here for a minute while I go over this way and try to get my bearings.
- (Homer walks into the woods a little ways)
- Homer: What am I gonna do? I've murdered us all!
- Homer's Echo: I've murdered us all! I've murdered us all!
- Homer: Shut up!
- Homer's Echo: Shut up! Shut up!
- Homer: D'oh!
- Homer's Echo: D'oh! D'oh!
- (Marge groans, as she and the kids can hear Homer's echo)
- (Bart and Lisa entertain each other in the back seat of the RV)
- Bart: Turkey farm?
- Lisa: No.
- Bart: Skunks?
- Lisa: No.
- Bart: Slaughterhouse?
- Lisa: No.
- Marge: What are you doing back there?
- Lisa: We're playing, "What's that odor"?
- Bart: Dad's feet?
- Homer: Bart!
- Lisa: You win, Bart.
- Homer: Lisa!
- Bart: Are we there yet, Dad?
- Homer: I'll tell you when we get there. Go back to your smell game.
- (Homer drives by Ned Flanders's house in his "new" RV)
- Homer: Hey, Flanders! Look what I've got!
- Ned: (whistles) Oh, she's a beaut! Hey, congratulations, Simpson! I'm sure you'll have loads of fun!
- Homer: (chuckles to Marge) Jealous.
- (Homer's "Bigfoot" story is reported on TV)
- Reporter: Bigfoot. Legendary half-man, half-ape is no longer a legend. He's very, very real. What you're about to see is unedited video footage taken earlier today in the hills 3 miles southwest of Tenderfoot Gorge. Now the naturalist who took these absolutely extraordinary pictures was most impressed by the creature's uncivilized look, it's foul language, and most of all, it's indescribable stench. A popular supermarket tabloid has offered a reward of $5,000 to anyone who brings in the creature alive. Naturally, we'll have more on this story as soon as it develops. We now return you to the President's address, already in progress.
- (Homer and Bart head off to find civilization)
- Lisa: Remember, Dad, the handle of the Big Dipper points to the North Star.
- Homer: (chuckles) That's nice, Lisa, but we're not in astronomy class. We're in the woods.
- (Marge and Lisa both groan)
- Bart: Hey, Dad, how come we can't get a decent mower, like the Flanders have?
- Homer: Just be happy with what what you've got, son. Don't try to keep up with the Flander-es-es.
- (Bob the RV salesman sees Homer walk onto the lot)
- Bob: Thank you, God.
- (Ned Flanders shows off his new RV to Homer)
- Homer: But, uh, how can you afford something like this, Ned? I get your mail once in a while, and you make only $27 a week more than I do.
- Ned: Ha ha! Credit, my friend, credit!
- Reporter: Last week's capture of Bigfoot turned into a scientific posure of the century? Although the creature was ultimately released, the question remains: Who was this Homer? Was it a man, or was it in fact the legendary missing link known as Bigfoot?
- Homer: Can I have some applesauce?
- Reporter: Specialists from around the world gathered at the Springfield Primate Institute for a firsthand examination of the controversial creature. They are now ready to announce their findings.
- (A lot of people with microphones and cameras gathered around to see and listen to their findings. I guess you can call that the Paparazzi)
- Dr. Marvin Monroe: Ugh. Ladies and gentlemen. Distinguished colleagues. After extensive biological and anatomical testing, I regret to announce that the evidence we have is...inconclusive. This thing may or may not be human.
- (The paparazzi gasps and murmur)
- German Scientist: That's what he thinks. I think it's none other than bigfoot in the fair.
- French Scientist: Oh no. I disagree. I think it is a man. The eyes had a glimmer of human intelligence.
- British Scientist: Glimmer in the eyes? What about the slopping apelike forehead? ....
- Homer: All the guys at work are gonna have a field day with this.
- British Scientist: ...Son of a bitch!
- Marge: Cheer up, Homer. At least they let you go.
- German Scientist: Gentlemen, gentlemen. This much, I believe we can agree upon. This specimen is either a below average human being, or a brilliant beast.
- Homer: Stupid pigheads!
- (Homer turns off the TV)
- Marge: Oh, Homer. My brilliant beast. Mwah!
|◄ Shorts: Season 3||Season 1 Quotes||Season 2 ►|
| Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire •
Bart the Genius • Homer's Odyssey • There's No Disgrace Like Home • Bart the General • Moaning Lisa • The Call of the Simpsons • The Telltale Head • Life on the Fast Lane • Homer's Night Out • The Crepes of Wrath • Krusty Gets Busted • Some Enchanted Evening