|The Bob Next Door||
- Sideshow Bob: I can stand in one state, fire a gun in the second state, the bullet will travel through the third, hitting you in the fourth, so you'll fall down dead in the fifth! No single act is against any law, but their sum total is the greatest murder since Snape killed Dumbledore!
- Bart: Oh, I haven't gotten to that part yet!
- Sideshow Bob: It's a four year old book.
- Bart: I'm a slow reader.
- Sideshow Bob: A fitting epitaph.
- [Bart stares blankly]
- Sideshow Bob: Ugh. That means last words!
- Bart: Are you here to teach me or to kill me?
- Homer: (to Walt with Bob's face) Alright buddy. I'm going to do to you what you should of done to my son a long time ago!
- Walt: I'm not Sideshow Bob, I'm the real Walt Warren.
- Waitress: (to Bob with Walt's face, after taking his face out)Come back! I don't care if you don't have a face! I just need someone to cuddle at night!
- Homer: Help us! Help us! For the love of God, will somebody help us?
- Mexican waiter: Sí?
- Homer: Ah, yes, I'd like, uh, how do you say "taco" in Mexican?
- Mexican waiter: Taco.
- Homer: Yes, that's exactly the word I want to translate.
- Mexican waiter: Taco.
- Marge: Homer, can we please find Bart?
- Homer: Oh, yeah yeah, right. Uh, just give me one of those crispy shells with meat in it.
- Mexican waiter: Taco?
- Homer: (sighs angrily)
- Chief Wiggum: Hold it right there, Switches of Eastwick.
- Lou: Switches of Eastwick?
- Chief Wiggum: I don't want to censor myself. That's how creativity dies.
- Waitress: All the good men are either gay or have no face.
- Homer: Marge, the bathroom scale is lying again!
- Homer: Aw, nothing is ever boobs or ice cream.
- Bart: Mom, can I go?
- Marge: Is your room clean?
- Bart: No.
- Marge: Good, that will give me something to do while you're at the game.
- Marge: A lot of people sound like Sideshow Bob. Like Frasier on Cheers.
- Homer: Or Frasier on Fraiser.
- Marge: Or Lt. Cmdr. Tom Dodge in Down Periscope.
- Cookie Kwan: Sorry, someone else has bought the house.
- Homer: But my loan has already been sold in pieces to banks, hedge funds and municipalities across the globe!
- Marge: Now that it's empty, who's gonna buy their house? What if someone moves in with two Barts? Or four teenage Barts?
- [Marge imagines 4 teenage Barts tying a rope's end on Principal Skinner' and the other end on each of their bikes]
- Principal Skinner: Well, at least their learning their fractions.
- Marge: Bart, what are you doing inside on an outdoor party?
- Bart: Walt is really Sideshow Bob, and I'll prove it. See? Who would need a knife this big?
- Marge: It's probably a deboner.
- Bart: (laughs) Boner.
- Bart: I'll prove I'm not crazy. Sideshow Bob could never resist singing along to a Gilbert and Sullivan Operetta.
- Milhouse: Who am I again?
- Bart: Yum Yum. I'm Peep-Bo.
- Milhouse: (dials a phone) Mom? Dad? I got the lead!
- Principal Skinner: Due to budget cuts, we're instituting shorter school hours.
- Lisa: How short?
- Superintendent Chalmers: Take 'em home, Otto!
- Children: [except Lisa] Yaaaaaaaaay!!!
- Ted: Howdilly-dowdilly, next-door-oonies.
- Ned: Howdy, Cousin Ted.
- Ted: Howdy do to you, Cousin Ned. How are Roddy and Toddy?
- Ned: Flantastic times two. How are Connie and Bonnie?
- Ted: Dandy as candy, like every good Flandy.
- Ned: Glad to hear it, thank the Holy Spirit.
- Ted: Glad to say it, and now the girls will "yay" it.
- Connie and Bonnie: Yay!
- Homer: Stop! Stop! Stop!