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- Homer: God, you've got a top notch destination resort here, but I can't enjoy myself knowing my family's suffering.
- God: Oh, don't tell me about families suffering. My son went down to Earth once. I don't know what you people did to him, but he hasn't been the same since.
- (After a group of celebrities and Krusty fall out of The Duff Blimp)
- Krusty: Well, that's our show for tonight. I'd like to thank all the really talented people who broke my fall.
- Homer: It came to me in a religious vision. Or maybe it was a drunken haze. Or possibly an ice cream headache.
- Comic Book Guy: (to Homer) Hey, Nostradumbass... did the Rapture come? I can't recall. Oh, in fact I can recall and it didn't, and you suck.
- Marge: Homer, I'm glad you're finally getting some exercise, but I just wish it wasn't crazy exercise.
- Krusty: I don't want to die next to Kathy Griffin.
- Homer: The Book of Revelation has 404 verses. Add the number of people at the Last Supper... [several calculations later] ...minus the number of Filipinos in the Bible [writes "- 0"], and you get?
- (The Rapture doesn't happen)
- Nelson: Haw Haw! Life goes on!