Eight Misbehavin'
Take My Wife, Sleaze
Grift of the Magi
[first lines]
"Guinness Records" Host: Tonight, on Guinness Book of World Records, a man who holds the current record for least amount of faces, with none!
Faceless Man: Help me!
"Guinness Records" Host: You'll also see the world's smelliest tumor!
Lisa: Ew! These records used to be real accomplishments, now they're just gross.
"Guinness Records" Host: Plus, you'll meet a dog who can't predict anything. [The dog looks at the camera with confusion]
"Guinness Records" Host: Then, three other things! [Spinning prop card with the number 3]
"Guinness Records" Host: When we come back, we'll show you the contents of a supermodel's stomach. [The host turns on an X-ray machine which a supermodel is standing behind]
Homer: What an age we live in.
Marge: Oh, look at all that Sweet 'N Low.

Bart [at Jay North's autograph table]: Dennis the Menace?
Jay North: Yes, I was America's bad boy. I once hid my dad's hat. [chuckles]
Bart [unimpressed]: Uh-huh.
Jay North: And another time, I accidentally stepped in Mr. Wilson's flower bed. [chuckles]
Jay North: That was a two-part episode. [chuckles]
Bart: I have to go.

Lisa [reading the 50's themed menu]: "Allen Ginsbergers"? "Un-American cheese sandwich"? "Polio dogs"?
Marge: It's clever how the names remind you of the '50s, and at the same time tell you what there is to eat.
Homer [pulling napkins from a dispenser]: Wow, look at this old-timey gizmo! [Homer giggles and laughs]
Homer: I feel like I've gone back in a time machine!
Lisa: Dad, they have those everywhere.
Homer: What an age we live in!

Meathook: (to Homer) You and me, in the circle of death!
Marge: Oh, I just swept the circle of death!

Grampa: California, here we come!
Marge: It's not a real car, Grampa.

[Apu has just chased Homer's biker gang away with a broom.]
Manjula: You promised me no more brooms.
Apu: I know that is not your way, but we're in America now.

Johnny Bobby: Doctors threw a party at the loony bin, You gotta be crazy if you want to get in,
Napoleon is playing his imaginary sax,
The dance floor's filling up with maniacs!
Let's rock. Do the Mental House rock!
Let's rock. Do the Mental House rock!
If you'll dance with the Doc,
He'll give you electro shock!
If you'll dance with the Doc,
He'll give you electro shock!
Slam! slam! slam!

Bart: [reading the note from the biker gang] "We had a good time crashing at your pad."
Homer: Awwww.
Bart: "PS: We've taken your old lady."
Homer: D'oh!

[During a tv commercial]
Wolfgang Jack:Hey, remember the 50's? Remember television, Coca-Cola, and Dick Clark?
Homer: [gasps] I remember television!
Wolfgang Jack: Come join me, Wolfguy Jack, at Greaser's Café, where it's 1955 every day of the year, baby.
TV Disclaimer Man: Actual year may vary. Consult calendar for current year.
Marge: A '50s style restaurant.
Lisa: What a neat idea!
Bart: Why don't we eat there tonight?
Homer: Ahh, we'll go there next month.

Mrs. Krabappel: All right, class, today we'll be sitting quietly in the dark because teacher has a hangover. [she tries to close a window shade, but it rolls back up with a loud snap; then the roar of a motorcycle engine can be heard] Ugh... like a chainsaw in my head!
[Homer and Bart ride into the classroom, coming to a stop after knocking over Martin's desk. Bart hops off the bike and sits at his desk]
Nelson: Sweet Hog, Mr. Simpson.
Homer: Remember to rebel against authority, kids! [drives off]
Principal Skinner: [over the intercom] Don't listen to him, children.
Milhouse: But we already did. Now I can't get it out of my head!
[Nelson whacks him with a book]
Mrs. Krabappel: Thank you, Nelson.

[While Homer watches a movie on television]
TV Mother: Oh, I don't know what's the matter with Jimmy. He won't do his homework, he only salutes the flag with one finger, and he comes home every night with other peoples' blood on his shirt.
TV Father: He's a rebel, I tell you, a rebel without a cause. Just like that boy in that popular movie we saw.

Homer: A gang. That's the answer!
Lisa: Answer to what?
Homer: Hey, don't make me hassle you, Lisa.

Season 10 Season 11 Quotes Season 12
Beyond BlunderdomeBrother's Little HelperGuess Who's Coming to Criticize Dinner?Treehouse of Horror XE-I-E-I-D'ohHello Gutter, Hello FadderEight Misbehavin'Take My Wife, SleazeGrift of the MagiLittle Big MomFaith OffThe Mansion FamilySaddlesore GalacticaAlone Again, Natura-DiddilyMissionary: ImpossiblePygmoelianBart to the FutureDays of Wine and D'oh'sesKill the Alligator and RunLast Tap Dance in SpringfieldIt's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad MargeBehind the Laughter