Lou: Even this promotional Johnny Depp from the movie "Chocolate?"
Chief Wiggum: Sure, we melted for him. Now he's gonna do likewise.
[Lou throws the chocolate figure in the fire. The figure melts with is face turning into a screaming face].
Chocolate Johnny Depp: Euwaaargh!!
Suicidal man: (Sad) Goodbye, cruel world. (Lands on the ball of fellow Springfield), (Cheered up) Hello ironic twist.
Lenny: Well, I say the most clothespins a man could attach to his face is 87.
Carl: You counting the neck?
Lenny: You know I am.
Carl: All right outside.
(Suddenly, Homer appears, bathed in golden light, holding the Duff record book over his head)
Homer: Peace, my brothers. All shall be looked up. (He looks through the books) Let's see ... most clothespins swallowed, inserted, here we go -- clipped to face and neck: 116. (He finds a picture of a man with the pins on his head.)
Lenny: Oh. Geez, I was wrong. But I ain't angry.
Carl: And I'm magnanimous in victory.
Garth Motherloving: Hey, Marge, I'm not up on the current slang. Do the kids still say, "Get the hell out of my office?"
Gil: You don't want old Gil going door to door, I've made too many enemies selling suckless vacuum cleaners and Rick James Bibles.
Mr. Burns: Stroke! Stroke! Stroke!
Apu: I'm rowing as fast as I can, sir.
Mr. Burns: No, I'm having one.
Bart: Why would Duff Beer put out a book?
Lisa: It was originally published to settle arguments in taverns.
Homer: She said "tavern"! I'm going to Moe's! (Runs away)