|Sunday, Cruddy Sunday||
- Wally: Well, we sure put together a heck of a trip, Homer. Ever thought about being a travel agent?
- Homer: Wally, I'd be lying if I said I hadn't.
- Wally: 'Cause you can really "go" places in the travel business. Huh? (laughs) Feel free to use that one.
- Homer: What one?
- Bart: (sees Homer with the Super Bowl trophy) Dad, that doesn't belong to you.
- Homer: But this might be my last chance to win one.
- Reporter #1: How does it feel?
- Reporter #2: Was it a team effort?
- Reporter #3: Did you ever stop believing?
- Reporter #4: Does this suit make me look fat?
- Wally: Oh, how could I fall for fake tickets? Gee, the fellas are gonna be crestfallen.
- Homer: Yes, if by "crestfallen" you mean "kill us!" Listen, let me talk to them, maybe I can smooth this over. (to the group) My friends…
- Krusty: They don't have the tickets!
- Moe: Kill 'em!
- Homer: (to Wally) Hey, I know you! We were in the same pyramid scheme.
- Wally: Oh, don't remind me. "Friends helping friends," my ass.
- Principal Skinner: Hey, hey! Settle down, children. Now, who's ever wondered how the post office works? (silence from the kids, who stare blankly) No one?
- Lisa: I did, until we came here last year.
- Homer: Wow! A Valu-Qual coupon book! Let's see, ten percent off carpet cleaning. Ten! (gasps) Two pizzas for the price of one at Doughy's!
- Lisa: Doughy's has terrible pizza!
- Homer: Yeah, but there's two!
- Principal Skinner: Well, children, any questions for Postmaster Bill?
- Nelson: You ever gone on a killing spree?
- Postmaster Bill: (laughs) No, no! The day of the gun-totin' disgruntled shooting up the place went out with the Macarena!
- Principal Skinner: Well, I'm just glad I work in an elementary school.
- Announcer: The road to the Super Bowl is long and pointless. I mean, when you think about it.
- Marge: (to Lisa) Ooh! How about paint-by-numbers?
- Lisa: It's so rigid and uncreative.
- Marge: Okay. Oh, leather craft!
- Lisa: Oh, those poor, helpless cows.
- Marge: (frustrated) Mmm. What about clay? You got any problem with clay?
- Pat Summerall: Well John, what did you think of tonight's episode?
- John Madden: I loved it! The last-minute addition of Wally Kogen to the line-up was a bit of a gamble, but it really paid off.
- Pat: Marge and Lisa painting eggs? Did that work for you?
- John: Ho, ho, big time! They came off the bench with a huge effort that allowed Homer and Bart to make some significant gains.
- Pat: Did it strike you as odd that in a Super Bowl show with Dolly Parton we didn't see any football or singing?
- John: I hadn't thought about it, Pat, but in retrospect, it was kind of a rip-off! What a way to treat the loyal fans, who put up with so much nonsense from this franchise?
- Pat: Any final thoughts?
- John: Nah, I'm too mad, let's get the heck out of here!