|Sunday, Cruddy Sunday||
- Wally: Well, we sure put together a heck of a trip, Homer. Ever thought about being a travel agent?
- Homer: Wally, I'd be lying if I said I hadn't.
- Wally: 'Cause you can really "go" places in the travel business. Huh? (laughs) Feel free to use that one.
- Homer: What one?
- Homer: Hey, Moe, you wanna come with me and Wally to the Super Bowl?
- Moe: Oh, absolutely. My favorite team's in it. The (Moe puts beer mug over mouth) Atlanta Falcons (Moe removes mug away from mouth). Yeah, ever since I was a boy, I've always loved the (Moe puts beer mug over mouth) Atlanta Falcons (Moe removes mug away from mouth).
- Homer: Yeah, they're good, but I wouldn't count out the (Homer puts beer mug over mouth) Denver Broncos (Homer removes mug away from mouth).
- Wally: Yeah, I hear that President (Wally puts beer mug over mouth) Clinton (Wally removes mug away from mouth) is gonna be watching with his wife, (Wally puts beer mug over mouth) Hillary (Wally removes mug away from mouth).
- Bart: (sees Homer with the Super Bowl trophy) Dad, that doesn't belong to you.
- Homer: But this might be my last chance to win one.
- Reporter #1: How does it feel?
- Reporter #2: Was it a team effort?
- Reporter #3: Did you ever stop believing?
- Reporter #4: Does this suit make me look fat?
- Wally: Oh, how could I fall for fake tickets? Gee, the fellas are gonna be crestfallen.
- Homer: Yes, if by "crestfallen" you mean "kill us!" Listen, let me talk to them, maybe I can smooth this over. (to the group) My friends…
- Krusty: They don't have the tickets!
- Moe: Kill 'em!
- Homer: (to Wally) Hey, I know you! We were in the same pyramid scheme.
- Wally: Oh, don't remind me. "Friends helping friends," my ass.
- Principal Skinner: Hey, hey! Settle down, children. Now, who's ever wondered how the post office works? (silence from the kids, who stare blankly) No one?
- Lisa: I did, until we came here last year.
- Homer: Wow! A Valu-Qual coupon book! Let's see, ten percent off carpet cleaning. Ten! (gasps) Two pizzas for the price of one at Doughy's!
- Lisa: Doughy's has terrible pizza!
- Homer: Yeah, but there's two!
- Principal Skinner: Well, children, any questions for Postmaster Bill?
- Nelson: You ever gone on a killing spree?
- Postmaster Bill: (laughs) No, no! The day of the gun-totin' disgruntled shooting up the place went out with the Macarena!
- Principal Skinner: Well, I'm just glad I work in an elementary school.
- Announcer: The road to the Super Bowl is long and pointless. I mean, when you think about it.
- Marge: (to Lisa) Ooh! How about paint-by-numbers?
- Lisa: It's so rigid and uncreative.
- Marge: Okay. Oh, leather craft!
- Lisa: Oh, those poor, helpless cows.
- Marge: (frustrated) Mmm. What about clay? You got any problem with clay?
- Pat Summerall: Well John, what did you think of tonight's episode?
- John Madden: I loved it! The last-minute addition of Wally Kogen to the line-up was a bit of a gamble, but it really paid off.
- Pat: Marge and Lisa painting eggs? Did that work for you?
- John: Ho, ho, big time! They came off the bench with a huge effort that allowed Homer and Bart to make some significant gains.
- Pat: Did it strike you as odd that in a Super Bowl show with Dolly Parton we didn't see any football or singing?
- John: I hadn't thought about it, Pat, but in retrospect, it was kind of a rip-off! What a way to treat the loyal fans, who put up with so much nonsense from this franchise?
- Pat: Any final thoughts?
- John: Nah, I'm too mad, let's get the heck out of here!