- Doctor: Mrs. Simpson, I'm sorry, but your husband suffers from a persecution complex, extreme paranoia, and bladder hostility.
- Marge: Doctor, if you just talk to him for five minutes without mentioning our son, Bart, you'd see how sane he is.
- Doctor: You mean there really is a Bart?! Good Lord!
- "Michael Jackson": Bart, are you not concerned that Lisa is upset? When I was growing up and did not have a lot of money, do you know what I did when one of my sisters' birthdays came up?
- Bart: You stiffed them?
- "Michael Jackson": No! I wrote them a song.
- Bart holds up a cover of Michael Jackson's Thriller to show that Michael Jackson is black
- Bart: Hello, Looney Tunes, this is Michael Jackson! Can you see the difference?
- "Michael Jackson": Bart, either Michael Jackson is in a recording studio in Los Angeles or he is right here in your house offering to help you. It is up to you as to what you believe.
- At the mental hospital, Homer is among a circle of patients gathered to explain their cases.
- Dave: I used to work as a VP in an insurance company, but then one morning when I woke up, I couldn't leave the house.
- Homer: Was the door locked?
- Dave: No, I just couldn't face what was out there.
- Homer: Was it raining?
- Nurse: No, Homer. Dave suffers from agoraphobia: a fear of open areas and crowds. Please, Dave go on.
- Dave: Anyway, I knew I just couldn't take that drive to work.
- Homer: Were you out of gas?
- Everyone stares at him.
- Homer: (scoffs) Baby.
- Homer calls home from mental institution.
- Bart: Joe's Taxidermy. You snuff 'em, we stuff 'em.
- Homer: Boy, when I get home, I'm gonna wrap my hands around your neck and...
- People look at Homer.
- Homer: ...Smother you with kisses.
- Bart: Homer, whatever they've got you on, cut the dose.
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