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Springfield Up/Quotes

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Episode
References
Gags
Appearances
Gallery
Quotes
Credits
Little Big Girl
Springfield Up
Yokel Chords
Homer: It's been another 8 years, and what do I have? Same job, same house, same dirty joke book. (he reads) Ha ha ha, I just thought for once I could be the cool guy in your movie, but all I am is the guy who makes everyone else look good.

Moe: My dad was a circus freak, but my mom don't remember which one. I like to think it was a little bit of all of them.

Homer: I will! I will be rich! I'll own a football team and a basketball team and I'll make them play baseball!

Declan Desmond: I can't believe it! Homer Simpson! A bloody millionaire!
Homer: Why do you sound so surprised? This is our fifth take.

Marge: Homer! Don't kill the foreign man!
Homer: Relax Marge. I wasn't going to kill him. (knives drop out of Homer's shirt and pants.)

Young Homer: When I grow up, I'm gonna have a huge castle, a pinball machine with infinity quarters, eight pairs of peanut butter and jelly pajamas… how many wishes do I have left?
Declan Desmond: None. You never had any. I'm not a genie.
Young Homer: D'oh!
Declan Desmond: Now Homer, your dreams will take a lot of money and, don't look at me, look at the camera.
Young Homer: Got it.
Declan Desmond: I said look at the camera.
(Homer looks down)
Declan Desmond: Now you're looking at a mud puddle.
(Homer looks at his left hand)
Declan Desmond: Now you're looking at your hand!
(Homer looks to the right.)
Declan Desmond: Now you're looking at the production company!
(Homer looks at his other hand)
Declan Desmond: That's your other hand! Do you even know what a camera is?
Young Homer: What! Of course I, um, no.
Declan Desmond: Ok, I'm going to put this squeaky toy on top of the camera.
(Homer's head goes up as the toy squeaks)
Young Homer: Oh! Squeaky! Squeaky! Squeaky squeaky squeaky!

Homer: (to Marge) All those years I was dreaming of other things, I was actually doing what I really wanted: hanging out with my family, drinking with my friends, making friends with my family and hanging with my drinking.

Homer: Oh! This is Eduardo. He's the pool boy. He thinks he's an angry old rich man.
Mr. Burns: I am an angry old rich man!
Homer: (whispers) That's the pool chemicals talking.

Marge: The biggest change for me over the last 8 years… that's gotta be Homer.
Homer: Marge, baby, I got a picture of you tattooed on my chest! (he opens his shirt to reveal a skull with Marge's hairdo) They had a sale on skulls.

Young Carl: I wish for world peace.
Young Barney: I wish for world war.
Young Carl: That would be cooler.

Homer: I do open-casket caricatures. (looking at a man in a casket) Did he have any hobbies?
Widow: Get out of here!

(Bart and Lisa are riding dolphins)
Bart: Mine has a cup holder!
Lisa: That's a blowhole!
Bart: You're a blowhole!

Ned Flanders: (about Homer) He's the kindest, sweetest, most generous guy who ever drove through my living room.

Chief Wiggum: Here we are in now times. As you can see, I've gotten everything I ever wanted.
Lou: Except pants that fit.
Chief Wiggum: I told you can be in this documentary as long as you don't make fun of me.
Lou: I'm not making fun of you I'm making fun of your pants.
Chief Wiggum: How would you like it if I made fun of your pants?
Lou: Go ahead.
Chief Wiggum: Well they're a little, um uh. Oh they're perfect.

Declan Desmond: (to Homer and Marge) Are you two considering children?
Homer: Pfft. Kids? No way. You won't see a couple of rugrats tying me down. (cut to eight years later, Homer and Marge with baby Bart and Lisa) You better not put this shot after the one where I said I won't have kids. That would be a devastating edit.

Homer: Find me a Christmas goose.

Declan Desmond: If this bunny was going to be boiled, I would have to turn up the heat.
Lenny: I'm ready for my segment!
Declan Desmond: Lenny always exciting to hear from you. Did you ever try that new shampoo?
Lenny: Nope never did. Do you want to see me pay my cable bill? I have checks with butterflies on them. I am interesting.
Declan Desmond: No you're not.

Desmond: So, Lenny, what have we here?
Young Lenny: My daddy said I could have any birthday party I want. My cake will be a picture of a dinosaur, and all the guests will say, "Why, Lenny, that's a fine cake!" Then, "Yes", I'll say.
Desmond: (Narrating) I decided not to waste any more film on him after that.


Season 17 Season 18 Quotes Season 19
The Mook, the Chef, the Wife and Her HomerJazzy and the PussycatsPlease Homer, Don't Hammer 'EmTreehouse of Horror XVIIG.I. (Annoyed Grunt)Moe'N'a LisaIce Cream of Margie (with the Light Blue Hair)The Haw-Hawed CoupleKill Gil, Volumes I & IIThe Wife AquaticRevenge is a Dish Best Served Three TimesLittle Big GirlSpringfield UpYokel ChordsRome-Old and Julie-EhHomerazziMarge GamerThe Boys of BummerCrook and LadderStop or My Dog Will Shoot!24 MinutesYou Kent Always Say What You Want

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