Receptionist: Did your wife just call a second ago?
Homer: No, I said Samson, not Simpson.
Receptionist: Thank God! Those Simpsons, what a bunch of savages! Especially that big ape father.
Homer: [angrily] D'oh! Actually, the Simpsons are neighbors of ours and we found them to be a quite misunderstood and underrated family.
Moe: Phone call for Al. Al Caholic. Is there an Al Caholic here?
[Marge and Homer finish watching Homer’s interview about the "Baby-sitter Bandit" on the news.]
Homer: Lord, help me. I'm just not that bright.
Marge: Oh, Homer, don't say that. The way I see it, if you raise three children who can knock out and hogtie a perfect stranger, you must be doing something right.
Homer: [to Marge] And, I made reservations at Chez Paree.
Marge: [gasps] But, Homer, it's so expensive!
Homer: It matters not, mon frere.
[After Ms. Botz ties up Bart and Lisa]
Bart: We know who you are, Ms. Botz, or should I say, Ms. Botzcowski. You're the Babysitter Bandit!
Ms. Botz: You're a smart young man, Bart. I hope you're smart enough to keep your mouth shut.
Lisa: He isn't.
[While Bart and Lisa are watching The Happy Little Elves on TV]
Bart: Oh, man, I can’t take it anymore. [heads to the TV to change the channel]
Lisa: But I wanna see what happens!
Bart: You know what happens. They find Captain Cook's treasure. All the elves dance around like little green idiots. I puke. The end!
Lisa: Bart, you’re just like Chilly, the elf who cannot love.
[While the Simpsons are listening to the radio]
Bill Pie: [in a hurried voice] Bad news, drivers. There's an overturned melon truck on the interstate. Oh, it's a mess. There's lots of rubbernecking and melon wrestling going on, so expect delays...
[When Marge calls Dr. Marvin Monroe's radio show]
Marge: Hello. I'd like to talk to Dr. Monroe
Radio Show Producer: [apathetically] First name, age, problem?
Marge: I'm Marge, 34, and my problem's my husband. He doesn't listen to me. He doesn't appreciate me, I don't know how much more of this I can...
Radio Show Producer: Hey, lady, save your whining for when you're on the air, okay?
[As Marge calls Dr. Marvin Monroe's radio show, Homer and his co-workers listen at the power plant]
Dr. Monroe: The pig has made you into his mother. You are not the hot love object you deserve to be.
Dr. Monroe: I'm as sure of it as I'm sure my voice is annoying. Marge, tonight, the second he comes through that front door, you've got to tell him you're fed up, and if he doesn't start loving, you will be leaving.