Milhouse Doesn't Live Here Anymore
Smart and Smarter
The Ziff Who Came to Dinner
Lisa: I'm tired. I'm hungry. Red plastic sandals are not good running-away footwear.

Lisa: Just because Maggie can't talk doesn't mean she's dumb. Einstein didn't speak until he was 3.
Marge: And even then he could only speak German.

Lisa: I can't believe I'm jealous of a baby!
Bart: Hey, so am I! When you're a baby, you can just spend all day rolling around on the floor. (sighs) I miss those days.
Nelson: Then roll, baby! (Bart rolls on the bus floor) Ha Ha! Floor Baby!
Lisa: You're laughing at him for something you made him do.
Nelson: Well… you're gay!
Lisa: People who call other people gay are often covering up their own latent homosexuality.
(Nelson panics and jumps out the emergency exit; he rolls and then gets back up)

Little Boy: The pig says "Oink"! The chicken says...
Henry: Stop! I could go to any Chuck E' Cheese in America if I want to hear what animals say. You know what I say? I say: next!
(The mother picks up the little boy and walks away)
Little Boy: You're a poopie!
Henry: (to the mother) Do you nurse with that mouth?

Homer: Look what they sent over. A talking dealy. His name is Phonics Frog. (presses A, B, and C)
Phonics Frog: Ah-Buh-Cuh…
(Homer types his name)
Phonics Frog: Huh-Oh-Muh-Eh-Ur
Homer: That's me! Huh-Oh-Muh-Eh-Ur. (presses more buttons)
Phonics Frog: This-Is-Huh-Oh-Muh-Eh-Ur-Dok-tor-He's-too-sik-too-urk-too-day.
(Homer laughs)
Homer: Uh… I'll be right back. (runs to the phone)

Pimply Teen: (to Comic Book Guy) Sir, you can't take food into the theater.
Comic Book Guy: Search all you want. You'll never find it all. I'm baking muffins as we speak.

(Lisa tries to be a stand-up comedian)
Lisa: So... why do they call them field trips? We never go to a field!
Principal Skinner: Not true! Last week we went to a battlefield.
Ralph: I'm bembarrassed for you!
Nelson: The following "Ha Ha" is not from amusement, but a sign of contempt. Ha Ha!

Lisa: So Maggie's NOT a genius?
Henry: Oh, she could be… at sweeping up hair!
Homer: That's my baby, jerk! (punches Henry leaving him with a bruise on his nose)
Henry: You call that a punch? I felt it, but it was like "so what"? (Homer punches Henry again leaving a nosebleed) Oh, again with the nose. I have a chin too, you know! (Homer punches Henry making him unconscious)
Moe: (as the butler) Don't worry sir, the maid and I will take him out to the curb. Come on!
Barney: (as the maid) You promised me no one would get hurt!

(When Lisa is dressed up as a goth)
Milhouse: What are you now, Lisa? An Oakland Raiders fan?

Homer: We've all learned something today. Never be something you're not, namely food.

Simon Cowell: (after seeing his name in the ending credits) Now, there's a celebrity!

Simon Cowell: (when the "Gracie Films" woman shushes) Oh, shush yourself!

Henry: She's as common as an angry woman in an Ibsen play.

Homer: It's old Lady Simpson! Run!

Season 14 Season 15 Quotes Season 16
Treehouse of Horror XIVMy Mother the CarjackerThe President Wore PearlsThe Regina MonologuesThe Fat and the FurriestToday, I Am a Clown'Tis the Fifteenth SeasonMarge vs. Singles, Seniors, Childless Couples and Teens and GaysI, D'oh-BotDiatribe of a Mad HousewifeMargical History TourMilhouse Doesn't Live Here AnymoreSmart and SmarterThe Ziff Who Came to DinnerCo-Dependent's DayThe Wandering JuvieMy Big Fat Geek WeddingCatch 'Em if You CanSimple SimpsonThe Way We Weren'tBart-Mangled BannerFraudcast News