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- Bender: Bite my shiny metal ass!
- Homer: A robot! With a catchphrase!
- Bender: Oh, I can't do it. (kill Homer)
- Lisa: What stopped you, Bender? Asimov's three laws of robotics?
- Bender: You think robots care what some hack science fiction writer thinks? I killed Isaac Asimov on the way over here. Well, Isaac somebody.
- Bart: Remember when this country didn’t suck, ‘cause I don’t.
- Homer: Okay, so what are you?
- Bart: Must be a secret government project.
- Bender: No, what do I look like, a narc? My name is Bender, and I come from... (finger under his chin dramatically lights up like a flashlight) ...the future!
- Homer: Prove it. What happens to Homer Simpson in the future?
- Bender: I don’t know—you die?
- Homer: Oh my God, he’s telling the truth! I have to take you to our civic leaders.
- (Cut to inside Moe's.)
- Homer: Listen, uh, I know you're a robot and incapable of emotion...
- Bender: (sobbing) It's true! I'm empty inside! (breaks down crying on the bar.)
- Professor Farnsworth: Ah, motherly love—why did we outlaw that?
- Moe: Hey, this blade-rummy is alright!
- Lisa: I can't believe you're all giving up without a fight.
- Leela: Lisa, we're just a package delivery service.
- Fry: And not a very good one.
- Professor Farnsworth: Good news, everyone!
- Fry: That means it's bad!
- Marge: Homer, I think there's someone downstairs!
- Homer: Relax, Marge, it's probably just Homer coming home late from Moe's!
- Homer: (to Bart) We'll have to set a trap, Bait. I mean Bart.
- Homer: What's the robot version of bro-mance?
- Bender: Ro-mance.
- Lisa: Why must you kill my dad? Especially when cheeseburgers are doing the work for you?
- Bender: (mumbling in his sleep) Kill all humans.
- Homer: (whispering) Start with Flanders.
- Bart: Wow, I'm doing the same jokes 1000 years later!
- (Madison Cube Garden, containing the Bart creatures, is ejected into the void of space. Lisa, Leela, Zoidberg, Amy and Hermes cheer.)
- Bart: You realize you're cheering the death of millions of my children.
- (Lisa, Leela, Zoidberg, Amy and Hermes cheer.)
- Homer: I was voted Employee of the Month as an April Fools Day joke.
- Kent Brockman: A mysterious electrical storm is current wreaking havoc with our studio, but I'm not one of those brainless dolts who mindlessly reads a teleprompter-r-r-r-r Error 401 backslash backslash, colon reset C drive, shutting down.
- Homer: (to Bender for drinking his beer) Don't drink my loved ones!
- Homer: Here we are! (enters his home with Leela, Fry and Bender. Marge appears) Marge, I want you to meet Leela and Fry.
- Marge: (Thinking) Don't mention her eye, don't mention her eye...
- Leela: (Thinking) Don't mention her hair, don't mention her hair...
- Marge: Eye... am so pleased to meet you!
- Leela: Nice to be hair! (They look around embarrassed) Oh lord...
- Lisa: Professor Farnsworth, I'm dying to know how you got here. Was it a time machine?
- Professor Farnsworth: Little girl, time machines are physical impossibilities! We teleported through a singularity that I quantum entangled to Bender under the guise of fixing his collar.
- Professor Frink: Yes, but how did Bender get here!?
- Professor Farnsworth: With a time machine.
- Lisa: But you just said that... (A machine makes a ding noise)
- Professor Farnsworth: Sample's ready!
- (The earth creatures crash into Omicron Persei 8. Lrrr and Ndnd are watching them destroy the planet)
- Lrrr: Look at this mess!
- Ndnd: (angry at him) It would've disintegrated upon entry if someone hadn't turned off the atmosphere last night.
- Lrrr: I like it cold when I'm sleeping! Besides, these horrible Earth creatures are delicious. (eats some of the creatures)
- Ndnd: The Johnsons will be here for dinner any minute! What happened to the handsome man I married!?
- Lrrr: I ate him! Remember? (a spaceship lands)
- Ndnd: Here they are. (Kang and Kodos leave the spaceship)
- Kodos: Uh. Hmm... Hope we're not interrupting anything... (Lrrr burps, revealing one of the creatures' heads on his mouth)
- Ndnd: I can't take anymore!! (runs away crying) I can't take it!
- Lrrr: Perhaps the one of you that is female should go console her.
- (Kang and Kodos stare at each other, and both of them go talk with Ndnd)