Lisa: What stopped you, Bender? Asimov's three laws of robotics?
Bender: You think robots care what some hack science fiction writer thinks? I killed Isaac Asimov on the way over here. Well, Isaac somebody.
Bart: Remember when this country didn’t suck, ‘cause I don’t.
Homer: Okay, so what are you?
Bart: Must be a secret government project.
Bender: No, what do I look like, a narc? My name is Bender, and I come from... (finger under his chin dramatically lights up like a flashlight) ...the future!
Homer: Prove it. What happens to Homer Simpson in the future?
Bender: I don’t know—you die?
Homer: Oh my God, he’s telling the truth! I have to take you to our civic leaders.
(Cut to inside Moe's.)
Homer: Listen, uh, I know you're a robot and incapable of emotion...
Bender: (sobbing) It's true! I'm empty inside! (breaks down crying on the bar.)
Professor Farnsworth: Ah, motherly love—why did we outlaw that?
Moe: Hey, this blade-rummy is alright!
Lisa: I can't believe you're all giving up without a fight.
Leela: Lisa, we're just a package delivery service.
Fry: And not a very good one.
Professor Farnsworth: Good news, everyone!
Fry: That means it's bad!
Marge: Homer, I think there's someone downstairs!
Homer: Relax, Marge, it's probably just Homer coming home late from Moe's!
Homer: (to Bart) We'll have to set a trap, Bait. I mean Bart.
Homer: What's the robot version of bro-mance?
Lisa: Why must you kill my dad? Especially when cheeseburgers are doing the work for you?
Bender: (mumbling in his sleep) Kill all humans.
Homer: (whispering) Start with Flanders.
Bart: Wow, I'm doing the same jokes 1000 years later!
(Madison Cube Garden, containing the Bart creatures, is ejected into the void of space. Lisa, Leela, Zoidberg, Amy and Hermes cheer.)
Bart: You realize you're cheering the death of millions of my children.
(Lisa, Leela, Zoidberg, Amy and Hermes cheer.)
Homer: I was voted Employee of the Month as an April Fools Day joke.
Kent Brockman: A mysterious electrical storm is current wreaking havoc with our studio, but I'm not one of those brainless dolts who mindlessly reads a teleprompter-r-r-r-r Error 401 backslash backslash, colon reset C drive, shutting down.
Homer: (to Bender for drinking his beer) Don't drink my loved ones!
Homer: Here we are! (enters his home with Leela, Fry and Bender. Marge appears) Marge, I want you to meet Leela and Fry.
Marge: (Thinking) Don't mention her eye, don't mention her eye...
Leela: (Thinking) Don't mention her hair, don't mention her hair...
Marge: Eye... am so pleased to meet you!
Leela: Nice to be hair! (They look around embarrassed) Oh lord...
Lisa: Professor Farnsworth, I'm dying to know how you got here. Was it a time machine?
Professor Farnsworth: Little girl, time machines are physical impossibilities! We teleported through a singularity that I quantum entangled to Bender under the guise of fixing his collar.
Professor Frink: Yes, but how did Bender get here!?
Professor Farnsworth: With a time machine.
Lisa: But you just said that... (A machine makes a ding noise)