- Krusty the Clown: "And now for our parody of Mad About You entitled, "Mad About Shoe".
- (goes to a bed with a giant shoe in it)
- Hey baby, let's kiss, no tongue.
- (audience boos)
- Ugh, You're not going to like our N.Y.P.D Shoe sketch... it's pretty much the same thing."
- Homer Simpson: (Chasing after a nanny, trying to prove she's a man) Gimmie those!
- Krusty: And now, Gerald Ford!
- (Gerald Ford appears)
- Gerald Ford: Thank you for having me, Krusty.
- (Ford gives speech while Krusty makes faces behind him and crawl repeats "BORING!")
- Gerald Ford: Now I would like to speak about something that is very important. The Boy Scouts of America have been molding men for generations but their membership has declined in recent years. I encourage all boys to consider...
- (Gerald Ford sees Krusty making faces)
- Gerald Ford: What are you doing?
- Krusty: Thank you for coming. All the good presidents were busy! So, how are things with Nancy?
- Gerald Ford: Betty!
- TV Announcer: And now let's take a look at a young Charles Bronson in his short lived stint replacing Andy Griffith on The Andy Griffith Show.
- Don Knots: Where's Otis? He not in his cell.
- Charles: I shot him.
- Don: Well that's just... you WHAT?!
- Charles: Now I'm going down to Emmett's Fix-It-Shop...to fix Emmett.
- Sharry Bobbins: Hello, I'm Shary Bobbins.
- Homer: Did you say Mary Pop—?
- Sharry Bobbins: No! I definitely did not! I'm an original creation, like Rickey Rouse and Monald Muck.
- Seymour Skinner: (ringing his bell) Boy for sale, boy for sale.
- Jimbo Jones: Is it legal, man?
- Seymour: Only here and Mississippi.
- Pennyfeather: Hello, I'm Mrs. Pennyfeather. I understand you are looking for a nanny.
- Marge: Pleased to meet you.
- Homer: Wait a minute, Marge. I saw "Mrs. Doubtfire." This is a man in drag! [starts pulling at her hair as if it were a wig] You're phony! Fakey, phony broad! [runs after her] Gimme those!
- Marge: Homer, if you're going to do that to every applicant, we're never going to find one.
- Homer: Sorry.
- Periwinkle: Hello, I'm Mrs. Periwinkle.
- [Homer growls and jumps after her]
- Kearney: I'm here about the nanny job. I'll keep a watchful eye on your kids and if they get out of line (hits his fist in his hand) pow!
- Homer: I like him.
- Kearney: Thanks and where do you keep the liquor?
- Homer: I hide a bottle of schnapps in the baby's crib.
- Marge: I'm sorry young man, but you're not what we're looking for.
- Kearney:(muttering) You tell me you blue-haired witch.
- Marge: I heard that!