[Bart shatters Homer's bottle of hair-restoring Dimoxinil]
Homer: [strangling Bart] BOY-MUST-DIE!
Bart: [choked] I, I love you, Dad!
Homer: Ohh...
[drops him]
Homer: Dirty trick.
Game Show Host: Okay, the capitol of North Dakota is named after what German leader?
[on a TV game show]
Homer Simpson: Hitler!
Marge Simpson: Hitler, North Dakota?
Homer Simpson: Okay, I'm not gonna kill you, but I'm going to tell you three things that will haunt you for the rest of your days: you've ruined your father, you've crippled your family, and baldness is hereditary!
Bart: [shocked] It is?
[Homer cries over his spilled bottle of Dimoxnyl]
Marge Simpson: Homer, I'm sure if you just went back to the pharmacy...
Homer Simpson: I don't have a thousand bucks! But you do, right? You've been saving it, for a rainy day! Haven't you, Marge?
Marge Simpson: Homer!
[Homer starts sobbing again and rubs his head over the Dimoxnyl stain on the carpet]
Lisa Simpson: Dad is taking this in a less-than-heroic fashion.
Karl: The tartar sauce, the bathroom key, drying your boss's hands! You did it all! It was never the hair! You did it because you could and you still can.
Homer Simpson: No I can't, coz I'm just a big fool.
Karl: No you're not.
Homer Simpson: Why not?
Karl: Because my mother told me never to kiss a fool! [kisses him]
Mr. Burns: [to Homer] Young man, I'm making you my executive vice president.
Smithers: Sir, I believe that position was informally promised to me.
Mr. Burns: Oh, Smithers... I would have said anything to get your stem cells.
Lenny: [Homer is reluctant to charge a thousand dollars on health insurance to the power plant so he can buy Dimoxinal, a hair restorer] A thousand bucks. So what? To Mr. Burns, that's one less ivory backscratcher.
Homer Simpson: Dear God, give a bald man a break. Amen.
Smithers: Hey, what do you care if this guy's bald?
Karl: My reasons... are my own.
Montgomery Burns: You may find this hard to believe, but in my salad days, my crowning glory was a bright shock of strawberry blonde curls.